Advanced Traffic Simulation [more details]

Reading other people's code.

!funny

When you use background-size:cover and the client uploads and image with text all over it. "The e slightly crops off at 864px, can you fix"! Aye aye aye!

Alcohol.

Boss: I need you to start on this new project, how long will it take?

Me: well, hard to say with no specs whatsoever...

Boss: just your best guess

Me: 4 to 6 month I guess?

Boss: so 3 months it is. When can you start?

Me: no specs, sir...and I said 4 to 6

Boss: the specs are almost ready, I know you can simplify it

Me: ...

Boss: just start with the basic infrastructure already

(4 months later)

Boss: here you are the specs, they might change a little in behaviour and design, but all the main stuff is here

(Hands me a A3 with a total of 21 pictures in InDesign)

Me: o....Kay. what happens when I click here?

Boss: oh, we should still talk about the app workflow, I'll get you updated

(2 weeks and 16 total rewrites of the "specs" later)

Boss: you told me it was a 2 months job, why aren't you finished yet? We must deploy in 3 weeks!

Me: ...

Client stated at the beginning of the project that they wanted a modern, pretty website that essentially had everything on one page.

Okay no problem, design is done and approved, weeks ago.

Today they come in after having the site for THREE WEEKS to review and do they come back with feedback on the functionality of the site? Oh no all they want to know is 'how will the user know that they need to scroll down to see more of the site?'...

This is the coding rig for everyone that claims himself THE REAL PROGRAMMER (and everyone else except him is just an idiot, a noob or a kiddo).

Back the mid 90s at secondary school, a friend came back from holiday with a Casio CMD-40 TV remote control watch. It was like magic, no one had never seen anything like it before.

We pranked our history teacher so badly, changing the channels, volume and turning the TV off while we were supposed to be watching some video on Henry VIII or something (no idea, too busy PMSL).

We'd pass the watch round the class to keep em guessing.

In the end, school replaced ALL the TVs and were seriously pissed off, to this day I believe they had no idea it was us!

Java to JavaScript is like car to carpet

When the client changes the scope of the project.

That's very nicely handled Eclipse!

Error, coffee, fix, bug, coffee, fix, 1am!

Time for bed, last minute compile..

Error.

Bugger this, I'm going to be a dam hooker!

Don't you love when Windows does not like the programs developed by Microsoft.

Self hate is the best....

So, I just reverse engineered devRant Android app so that I can open devRant links directly with the app instead of browser.
A simple one line modification.
Hope it's added in the official one.

PS: I can upload that apk if someone needs! (Different signature ofc!)

These posters are the greatest truths😂

First understand, then paste.

Freelance developers, how do you get clients?

I am developing apps/websites with a friend and so far er have found our clients mainly on project-listing sites (sites like freelancer.com). My experience is though, that it always becomes a price-race, and with many projects only being small static websites, it just doesn't seem that this is the way to Go.

So if any of you have suggestions on how and where to find larger/more serious clients that will be much appreciated - it should be said that we already have quite a few projects to show in our portfolio, so I think we are ready to take on some larger projects

A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. A full one, in case he gets thirsty and an empty one, in case he doesn't.

Pair programming to refactor someone else's code.

I'm a student in applied computer science and yesterday I had a course where we use drupal and we needed to update our drupal site. The professor told us at the beginning that in a previous lesson some people needed more than 2 hours to do this. I started laughing because whybin the world would you need more than 2 hours to update a site, right?
It took 3 hours to update my site -_-

Guys, Guys, Guys!
I've just won employee of the month! And you know what is even better? The elders of the internet allowed to lend the internet to me to use it in my speech! I couldn't be happier (they even know who I am!)

Here's my list of NaN reasons why JS doesn't suck

I love coming home from classes to get some work done on my setup.
My thought is; if I'm going to be sitting here for hours at a time working, may as well make it a comfortable environment.

Just riding a Segway eating a sandwich rocking my devRant sweatshirt.

Help on stack overflow in a nutshell.

Dear college,
You could have just spared yourself by just using Linux.

Sent an email out in work informing everyone that we had pushed updates out to all Windows PC's.

Got the following phone call 10 minutes later:

"Hi, I can't log into the banking account app on my iPhone. Did you do something to it with your updates?"

"Nope. They were PC updates."

"Well, I'm sorry but you're wrong. It must be you! It was working yesterday."

"Again, it's not us. What's the error message you're getting on your app?"

"Invalid password"

".....then could it just be that you're entering an invalid password?"

"No, I know the password. I only changed it yesterday!"

"So it was working before you changed the password?"

"That's what i said!
I'm telling you, it's your updates."

"Okay but before we go 'troubleshoot' it, how about ringing your bank firs-"

"Oh look, it doesn't matter if you don't want to help, I don't have time for this!
I'll ring your boss and he'll uninstall the updates for me and fix the app." *hangs up*

Yeah admin power 😎😂

SEO at its finest.