A YouTube creator I follow included a clip of The Chicken Song by Spitting Image in a video. I had managed to, for over a decade, forget this song existed.

Now it’s back.

To haunt my every moment of silence.

Again.

😭

Most people on Twitter:
Pinned tweet is self-promotional in nature, either advertising some accomplishment, something they’re selling, or introducing people to what they’re about as a person.

Me:

Looks like we're all putting on a little weight over these covid years

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!

Stakeholder: There’s a bug on the site.

Me: That’s not a bug. The site is supposed to do that. Your team asked for that feature and we implemented it last summer.

SH: They did?

Me: Yes, they did.

SH: You sure it’s been like this since last summer?

Me: YES!!!

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Welcome to Whose Sprint Is It Anyway, where the estimates are made up and the story points don’t matter!

How does a front-end developer get away with murder?

$('body').hide();

//I'll see myself out

Git.

The smallest utility made its way to being the largest companies must-have, the most critical part of the whole development landscape.

Using just plain C, Git can shred huge amounts of data insanely fast. It never gets old.

Git is a developer's scalpel.

Boss: You'll need to make the presentation an hour earlier than usual. There'll be 20 people attending..

Me: Sure. Will everyone show up?

Boss: Oh yes, they'll show up.

*Reschedules other work at home*
*Gets 4 hours of sleep to wake up earlier*
*Prepares material*

*Shows up for the meeting 5 minutes earlier*

*Crickets chirp*

There literally wasn't a single person there. Everyone shows up at the normal fucking time and good old boss was 2 fucking hours late.

Guess what the presentation was for? To solve the fucking issue of why stuff never gets done on time and nothing works right. I think I might have a tiny fucking idea why, at this point.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I present you the API I'm working with...

That's a pretty fucking useful error description right there.

Just one last commit

I just realized that href stands for hyper reference.

real shit?

Life saver

Quick shout out to windows for thinking .css files should be opened with Skype.

Murdering 4 innocent children

On my twitter feed today.

Reading devRant feed is so fucking hard nowadays. Every other rant is about Windows rebooting, Google being evil, Quantum beating Chrome, M$ users being cunts and all these fanboy shits.

Fucking hell. Write some actual code and rant about some solid problems rather than being a stupid fanboy.

I are programmer....😁😁

Oh shit. I found something better. Had to delete previous rant.

Google Assistant is actually being cheeky!

This is a valid point.

Me: I mend shoes

I know it wasn't ethical, but I had to do it.

Semester 4 started this week, we all got to vote which day we wanted the lecture to be held on. There were quite a few options. My preference was Monday at 7:30pm.

So I entered the poll, as I have every other semester. But I noticed something, this particular poll didn't require any form of identification. Not even a Student ID.

I dug deeper, found that it used local cookies to store weather you'd voted or not, this is obviously a security problem, so I opened up Python and wrote a simple Selenium program to automate this process.

I called it the "Vote Smasher". First it would open the webpage, then it would choose Monday 7:30pm and vote. Then it would clear it's cookies, refresh and do it over again.

I ran it fifty times.

Can you guess what the revealed vote was for UCD SP4 IT was?

I heard my lecturer mutter:
"The votes aren't usually this slanted..."

I could hardly contain my giggles.
My vote won by about fifty over the others 😂

Let me just say, it was his fault for choosing such a naive poll system in the first place 😉

// TODO hahaha

Me: Dad, can I borrow your car?
Dad: What's the magic word?
Me: sudo??

My wife: “Commit, then come to bed.”

>Do you speak Latin?
>Yes ofc
>Wow! Tell me something in Latin
>"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet...."
> :O

People who send an email saying "I'm getting an error message".

WHERE DID YOU GET IT?!

WHAT IS THE FUCKING ERROR MESSAGE?!

OH NO SURE LET ME LOOK IN MY CRYSTAL BALL, I'LL HAVE IT FIGURED OUT FOR YOU IN NO FUCKING TIME.

😡

Quality code I made, as always