Fuck, I'm now supposed to lead a team.

ahaha. The white Slack emoji skintone is frowned upon at $work, and we're encouraged to use the yellow one instead to be "inclusive" -- but fear not, the brown ones are totally fine.

Gotta love woke companies.

Manager: Why did you clear the data from the database? The client is now specifically requesting it and we don’t have it anymore!

Dev: You told me to.

Manager: Well why did you listen? It’s obvious now that that data was very important and should have been kept!

Dev: Last time you told me to do something that wasn’t a good idea I tried to explain why and told me not to question you ever again and that doing so was “disrespectful” and then threatened to have me fired. So now I just go along with what you say and let you suffer the consequences of not listening.

Manager: Well don’t do that then! It’s obviously not working very well! It’s ok to disagree with me you just have to make sure that what you think is something I agree with!

Dev: …

"Why did you bring Wagyu beef to the meeting?"

"Because the calendar description said: Engineers should proactively add value for our steak holders"

(True story -- They told me to do what management instructs, without correcting anyone and without asking questions. And I love playing that game!)

Jest? It's the perfect name for a testing library, because I certainly feel like a clown! 🤡

#clowndrivendevelopment

The number of roles you are expected to do these at this company, to be paid for just one of them.
Business analyst , developer, tester, first line support, architect, devops engineer, recruiter.
And you have the cheek to ask us what we need to keep this shit alive.
(Obviously it’s more people but the answer to that is no).

Fuck right off.
I do not care if this company doesn’t meet its contractual obligations and goes into administration.
It’s not my company, I can walk into another shit company easily, maybe I’ll even get lucky and find a good one.

Why don’t you people at the top who are being paid six figure salaries and telling everyone things are wonderful pull your fingers out of your collective arses and doing what your paid for.
You fuckers deserve all that is coming.

Fuck you, I Quit

I finally get it. Symfony: The Fast Track (https://symfony.com/doc/6.0/...) is not supposed to be a learning tool.

It's an elaborate joke! Now it all makes sense.

Nuff said...

Don't deploy on Fridays.

this image is fully authentic image of me as a single developer in a startup. All the used technologies in a single project.

Manager: You really shouldn’t be doing that

Dev: It’s in my job description

Manager: Yeah but you still shouldn’t be doing it.

Dev: Who should I hand it off to?

Manager: We don’t have anyone else to hand off that task to.

Dev: Ok, do I stop doing it?

Manager: 😡 Of course not, it needs to get done! I’m just saying you shouldn’t do it.

Dev: ???????????

Safari 💩

Finally got a job. The process was quick af! Hired in like a hour.

At least now I can't be homeless.

But I'm getting married Saturday, so this means one thing:

I'm a have to work while on honeymoon hahahah

My girl gonna be pissed but glad that I'm not broke

I tried to go for a job as a ReactJS junior dev.. I got my first interview and they liked my prototype.. but..

A week later they reply: "We decided not to go with you because we hired an expert in ReactJS".

Err.. really? You're hiring expert-level ReactJS developers for a junior position?! What the frig.
You want to know what I think? This whole "It's ok that you don't know everything, you'll learn on the job" thing is a hoax. No, the job market doesn't want novices. With every single interview, I'm met with: "but you're not an expert and we can't afford that".

This reminds me of the best advice my professor (seasoned expert in the field, real engineer with more than 20 years experience) once gave me:

"The job market doesn't have the time nor patience to mollycoddle you. When you enter it, you have to already know things to an expert degree because companies want value. They're hiring you because you have these skills and knowledge.
You have to already know what they ask before they ask it. You're required to know things by yesterday, so to speak. It is an exigent industry out there. This is why we bring you the foundations - so that you go further on your own and you can take on any problem"

not official yet, but apparently i was picked for a job that pays really well! yay!

I shit you not. This this a job qualifications qualifications entry level on LinkedIn.

7+ years working as part of a development team and with the following technologies:
Node.js Typescript and Java-based, microservice-driven applications using Spring Boot or similar framework
RESTful API design / microservice architectures
MongoDB or any other NoSQL DB
Message queues e.g. RabbitMQ, Kafka etc.
Modern MV*(MVC, MVVM, etc..) frameworks e.g. React, Angular, Vue etc.
JavaScript and design patterns, CSS and HTML
Modern CSS and view libraries e.g. RxJS, Angular Material, Typescript, JS ES6 etc.
Unit and UI testing using third party tools e.g. Jest, Cucumber, Groovy & Spock, etc.
Bachelor's degree in computer science or related field

Boss: "i need you to build a feature so that customers can do bla bla bla and it has to be done by friday.

Dev: "Ok i can do it fast if you sure this is what you want, and requirements wont change in the future. Have you considered bla bla"

Boss: "Yes do it"

Dev: *writes, tests and deploys code*

A few weeks later:

Boss: "we need to add bla bla to the feature you built since some requirements has changed."

In the pandemic era i have become allergic to delivery fees. Fucking $5 to get pizza delivered? Fuck you I'll take the 15 minutes it takes to go down to the damn restaurant! Pisses me off sometimes.

Maybe it's because i enjoy getting out more since I've started working from home, but tbh i don't even care, because paying $11 to have someone else bring your groceries to you just makes me irate.

Programmers life

And then that girl became my Manager......

Q: Why is windows better than linux?

A: Cos when you download zoom on windows, you can be pretty darn sure that it will work without you having to debug stupid permission issues. Linux would be dead if web browsers weren't a thing.

I got today my first job as a junior dev🎉

Apparently, drake made a song called "Kiki do you love me".

No. Just no.

Too bad it was you and not MF Doom.

I fucking hate subscription services that start with a free month but still require you to input your credit card information.

"It's just so we can bill you for the following month! You can still cancel the subscription before the following date to not be billed anything."

No, there's no reason why you can't offer a free month WITHOUT having my credit card information. The REAL reason is because you're hoping I'll forget to cancel. Fucking predatory bullshit.

Blabbering co-worker rant.

So this bonker who speaks non-stop for 15 minutes without even a breather break is more annoying than I thought.

1. She used to work for a project A and then they moved her to my project. She kept cribbing she wants to continue working on A because that's where her expertise are. So management hired a new team member so she can continue on A and new member can work with me.

Now next week, the new member is joining us. As we prepare the onboarding plan, bonker comes crying that she wants to work on my project and NOT on Project A. She is forcing us to give Project A to new team member.

Manager upfront rejected her proposal and told her that she'd be working on A.

2. She literally gives orders. Her tone is rude and blunt. The other day ordered me to review her presentation and kept following up even when I said I was busy. Same tone and attitude with manager.

Then she complained about my behaviour saying I was a bossy person even when I used the most polite tone (because I have actively worked on and built my social skills).

3. Knows shit about the product, has no skill set, asks the same question 10 times, and isn't able to deliver bare minimum.

And then evidently everyone follows up with me because I am on top of everything (because I have to as bonker can't function).

4. She lied to me that company gives good hikes and easy promotions.

She was kicked out of her previous project because of her incompetency.

Fortunately or unfortunately, my manager saved her ass. But she literally is the most stupid person I have worked with me in my entire career.

5. She has no communication skills, something that is highest valued skill in my profession. And when I do my normal, it pisses her off. She keeps complaining that I am overstepping.

If I don't then product will just fall apart and everyone might get fired because of no work.

And that is causing her insecurities and she starts fear mongering about both of us being fired.

I told our manager upfront that I want to lead the product and she was more than happy about the proposal. What sucks is that my manager is leaving this month end and I'll have to build trust with my new line manager.

Ugh!! She is annoying..

When you are a junior with no real prior experience.

Employee as a Service

It happens at least a few times a month.

Me on a tech part of a job interview: "We shouldn't do it this way because it violates separation of concerns!"
Interviewer: *clearly impressed*

Me 2 weeks later: *does exactly what I said that shouldn't be done because I can't be arsed to do it the right way*