*random person stars my repo on Github*

Me: Fuck yes give me those stars!

*checks user's profile, has starred 40k repositories*

Me: Take that star back you whore.

Yo, is this devrant or spamspace???

Like, do you even fucking work, mates? Are you a dev? How doesn't a fucking legacy code piss you off on a daily basis? What are all the ways you want to respond to your customer's/PM's abuse? Does your lead dev even know jackshit?

Where did all your quality rants go? Why do you all sound like second graders writing essays for school? Have some passion for your job, and hatred for the incompetence for others!

Now, go produce some quality rants! Funny ones too! Bonus points if it's angry-funny.

Tempted to write in this super-scientific paper/glorified report: "our findings show... my ass!" 😂😂😂

I don't always leave my job..
But when I do, I leave a bunch of shitty code that will make the next developer suffer.

That's what they get if they keep asking 'We need it now/today'

Let me just open by saying, I do enjoy a random post on the internet giving PHP a bit of appreciation.

But then I'm reminded why some people shouldn't be allowed to write articles for developers or junior developers when they them selves are oblivious to the content they are writing.

So... here I am scrolling down LinkedIn and spot this headline "why php is the best choice for 2020"

Well that caught my attention (you know, as a php dev spotting a positive php article and all), so I went and had a look and by god I was ready to rip my eyes out at the mis-information being written in this article.

I shall let you all enjoy the punishment I endured rather then bring spoilers

https://dev.to/brewer1_jane/...

.......

I found something really interesting depicted in the image.

It is because of memory alignment / padding.

I could explain it to you guys, but this url would do a far better job:

https://kalapos.net/Blog/ShowPost/...

My mother-in-law asked me to reinstall her laptop. I made a deal with her that I will happily do that, but only if it can be a Linux distribution.
She eventually after asking questions about it agreed.
She don't want to go back anymore.

Funny enough, the co-workers didn't understand why is her laptop slightly looks different, so they started to tell her , that the laptop is full with virus.

I explained her that she doesn't even have system privilege to install one even if she wants.

She was happy with the answer :D

Well, that’s one way to stop someone from harassing you online. But damn....

Tru story:

We have a folder that we keep as shared documentation known as Javascript And PHP Fuckery made by yours truly in which I added a bunch of fixes to fuckery written in those 2 languages by previous developers.

The entire department has access to those files(as in all of IT) and I have been commended by the head of our department for my determination and uncanny ability to spot fuckery and fix it.

He says that he "thoroughly enjoys my colorful mastery of language, sarcasm and cognitive imagery when dealing with documentation regarding the code horrors done by previous developers"

By cognitive imagery he said that he meant my thought process and that he wouldn't trust a developer that does not use this language.

Fucking killing it b.

I'll let y'all(as in youse) when I am done with my Book(if anyone here steals the idea of the title as js php fuckery i am gonna sue you)

I promise this is my last GDPR rant..

* Selects text to copy *
* Ctrl + C to copy *
* Selects text to be replaced with copied text *
* Ctrl + C again instead of Ctrl + V *

Instant rage.

True that

Yay its me birthday!!!
Age++

When I opened devRant today

This made my day 🤣🤣🤣

Dev1: I started work at a new company.

Dev2: Cool, how is it?

Dev1: Well its ok... but they are a bit weird.

Dev2: How weird.

Dev1: Very weird, they round my pay to 1000 insted of 1024.

Dev2: Yeah weird.

Never try this

Do you ever wonder what IDE the developers used to make the new IDEs 🤔

Haven't coded in last 12 days,
Should I sell my laptop and go to Himalayas?

Angular Y U du dis to me

Just found another forum message from someone that doesn't understand Java and JavaScript. They said JavaScript is the code that Java runs....I thought we fixed these people.

Choosing a theme for text editor is way tougher than talking to a stranger.

1. Search on google for an answer
2. Find someone asking the same question on some forum
3. See the question has an answer
4. The answer is "Please search yourself before asking. Thread locked."

This happens too often..

!Rant How to set the MSB of a number to 0 in C/C++ ... Please provide a single operation.

*Overhearding Convos*

A : "Dude, have you tried vim? It sucks!"

B: "I know right, why do they have to make it so hard to use..."

Me whispering : Git Gud Boi...

I wrote a Student Information system for my midterm project back in 94 written in Clipper and runs on MS-DOS.

I demoed & explained to the panel of professors how it tracks enrollments, payments, class schedules, grades and attendance of each and every student. Has user authentication, auditing and reporting functionalities.
It has a lite version also written in Clipper that can be installed on a Professor's laptop so that he/she can update records even at home, and would be able to sync with the db at school via a BBS. Telix for DOS (self-taught) was my choice for the BBS as it was shareware, has built-in Zmodem support and comes with it's own programming language called SALT (Script Application Language for Telix) that can be used for automating tasks. The lite version of my project would dump the updates on an ASCII file, compress the file using PKZIP, use the laptop's modem to dial-up the number to the school's BBS and send the file across using Zmodem protocol.
The main version would then download the file(s) from the BBS and proceed to do a sync.

After the doing the demo and answering all their questions the panel asked me to wait outside the room, called me back in after 15mins and told me that I don't have to attend that class for the remainder of the term. The happiness as the my classmates outside of the room gawked at me felt like King Midas himself gave my balls his golden touch.

Then in 97, 2yrs after I graduated, I accompanied my cousins to a different campus of the same school for their enrollment and right there on the bottom of the screen were my initials on a very very familiar UI! They actually used, and were still using, my school project. Needless to say my cousins didn't believe that it was written by me.

Guys I’ve just added some AI to my program, it only took one line!
System.out.println(“make it just like facebook”);
And there it is guys, the simplest was to add Artificial Incompetence to your program!

Anyone is coming to kill me or should I suicide by chocking myself from a table fan?

‎Ways of doing a for loop.