Yes. When I don’t work out for a bit this can happen. Or if I don’t get enough sleep or eat on time.

Damn good laugh. And I’ve been there.

Yes but I’m pretty productive and it leaves me in a state where I can’t sleep.

Thank fuck.

I hope I can get out of this without therapy. Lol. I guess I’m just fucking bored and haven’t found the right person yet. Just trying to enjoy my life. And get back into routine after the holidays.

Just want to say thanks everyone and holy shit this community is awesome. Like I didn’t have to shell out hundreds of dollars for Therapy haha. Just come on here and rant.

@ZaLiTHkA this is pretty indicative of her behavior. It’s scary honestly. She becomes a new person when high. I really want no part in it.

@cwkjwok good point. I’ve already lost one match that was going pretty good. I stopped being interested as this person is captivating my attention like a drug. TBH, it’s getting clearer in my head. She said some shit while high which totally turned me off. Also said she is bi polar from the weed. At this point we are just friends. And I’ve told her if she doesn’t drop the weed then there’s no future. And that I’d help her in that. I just feel the weed has messed up her mind over time. She said she smoked every day of college. That shit is not normal!!!

The thing that’s difficult about keeping her in my life is expectation setting. If I just assign her a value as friend, and then I’m gonna be horny and encourage her to send nudes. And then whoever I actually want to date who is wife material may not measure up and then it’s stopping me from advancing with those women. I suppose it could have the opposite effect of if I meet someone that takes my mind off of her then I know it’s really something. I just am concerned about her interference in my dating life. It’s a big interference.

For all the upside of the web and digital presence, gone are the days of talking to someone on the phone and if you liked them go and be with them physically. Some people can get what they need met digitally without needing to risk physically.

Ignore the dude above, I can’t even fathom where that came from. Talk about kicking someone while their down.

If you need to see someone to talk it out, or pursue a future plan I’d recommend BetterHelp. The app.

What was good was getting out of zoom and into person form lol. Facial expressions really help clear up tones in voice and inflection. Especially smiles which you don’t get with camera off. In person is also refreshing. Slack and zoom disagreements lead to mounting frustration directed at bitmaps of a name. In person you can emote your points and come out of it with more empathy and understanding.

To be clear there’s always room for tweaks here and there. But I’ve found the only thing worse than not being myself is to not be myself bc somebody says it would be beneficial not to and it always never changed anything. I was still not accepted and on top of that I felt fake. It happens every time. Been there done that. Not doing that again. Again there’s a team for everyone. And I’ve experienced that flip side too. It’s really nice and refreshing.

@k0pernikus thoughts?

Had an in person “whiteboard”. It wasn’t a white board. Ended up being a discussion on being receptive to feedback. I guess I came across as not receptive or emoting frustration? Miscommunications are frustrating. I looked at my managers MR before hand and saw that the miscommunication was that she wanted to abstract away some more boilerplate into functions. And use the functions I created to wrap those functions. And again I made the ask that we do things more visual. And instead of talking about what shouldn’t be done. Show me what should be done. She even made mention that she heard from others on the team that I express myself a lot. I said I’m passionate and that I sometimes do express when I don’t agree with things but there are never hard feelings on my side. And I asked if she could explain more and she said it wouldn’t be fair to them.
At that point, I’ve been through this before, you got to be yourself. There is a right team for everyone.

@k0pernikus I conducted a written sign off in slack. Manager approved it. I suspect said person didn’t read it.

I think I’ll bring this up in the 1:1 tastefully. “So what did I do differently from the plan I briefed you and you okayed on slack?”

Recently, the manager submitted a new commit and it’s on something that last conversation they said was good. So now I’m thoroughly confused.

I don’t want to annoy my manager, but I also feel the need to address this as well. And secretly start treating this as a potential Alzheimer’s situation or purposeful gaslighting. Meaning get everything in writing.

@k0pernikus She is all of those. Basically a tech lead as a manager. she has 23 YOE in SWE.

Wow. As a follow up to this rock bottom. 361 days later, I’m sitting in a new model 3 Tesla. Been in my first real job for 10 months now. Can enjoy my time off. And get paid well for my time on. Life is pretty good.

@badwiring true. I am grateful and they are pretty cool people to work with. They’ve always been transparent. Interesting point about loyalty between people and not between people and companies. I’ll
keep that in mind.

@TrevorTheRat unfortunately these Leet code problems are very much required here. The upside is they help me get better at writing obscure work for a computer to do. Less API and more build your API. Downside is I see what you mean where it takes your focus off of building stuff i.e learning the architecture piece.

Perhaps being an engineer of software requires knowledge on architecture, (the API’s and how all services fit together to deliver an app product), and the CS fundamentals to create your own API’s from scratch.

@black-kite, yep it is too much. I think I will continue with them for now. They give me a lot of cred to get interviews with the bigger companies. Plus they know I’m working this partime so there isn’t really hard deadlines. They just want to see progress. If I can control the burnout and take breaks it can be good.

Also how do you know your worth? I’m just starting out. Would this be some sort of Glassdoor search for salary of a software engineer I in gaming or web where I live?

@TrevorTheRat
I took an hour break around 4:20 - 5:20 pm. I didn’t do anything electronic. Just laid down outside in the sun and napped. I was amazed at how productive and clear thinking I was after that. So good tip on stopping for a bit which yields better output in the end.

I’m sorry for all you have going on, and especially what happened in your personal life. I hope you are able to create some separation from this shitty work environment to process it. Remember first and foremost to take care of yourself. Nobody else will know what you need like you. I’m feeling a bit the same right now. I’m a recent bootcamp grad contracting for experience (and beer money) at a startup. Things felt less stressful when I started. Since then I’ve multitasked in personal projects, and started the Leet code grind for the eventual switch to full time work. I’m damn stressed. I’m working on an image stabilization feature in unity and I find myself thinking I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. The amount of things to learn is overwhelming. In the beginning I was eager to learn and apply the basics. And communicate expectations even if I can’t deliver on time so I’m not rushing shit. Rushing decreases the learning. Rooting for us!

@homo-lorens that site is amazing. Thanks for the share. Still curious to know what AI generated this dude.

@Root actually anecdotally for what that’s worth, my uncle said in the 70’s that liberals talked exactly how you did. And looking up the definition of liberalism not to mention of also the word liberal and you can see how the ideology came about. Perhaps the common thread is that it’s a mindset that aims to protect the minority from the majority in a democracy. It this mindset has resorted to more and more government power to achieve this (my way or the highway). I think libertarianism is the offshoot for people getting off the gov power train while retaining freedom to express without government forcing expression or in-expression. As a side note I just read a quora where a self proclaimed modern liberal justified “shouting down” people who’s arguments are not worthy of respect, of course as determined by the said person. Sounded similar to the book I’m reading on the Chinese cultural revolution.

@Root bravo. I think I read somewhere that this was the definition of liberalism. To welcome different opinions and their right to be stated. Clearly today we are not dealing with liberalism... this is something else entirely. Probably the opposite. So illiberal. I just looked up the definition here. Illiberal - opposed to liberal principles; restricting freedom of thought or behavior. Sounds a lot like what @hifiwifiscifi does when it trolls looking for gotcha buzzwords.