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topsecret230
2d

How do you mentally check out and stop caring at a toxic job?

Been at this big fintech for 4 months. Small teams, impossible deadlines, undefined tasks, missing specs, constant context switching. Everyone's doing overtime/weekends while management sets you up to fail then blames you. Performance evaluations every 3 months.

Was literally about to quit tomorrow but need the paycheck. So I'm turning this into an experiment - I'm a recovering people-pleaser who's never set boundaries at work. 9 years in my career, never been fired, I left multiple times due to burnout in the past.

Time to see what happens when I stop caring about pleasing incompetent managers and their made-up deadlines. Work at my own pace until they get tired of me. How do you actually do this though?

- How to not give into false sense of urgency induced stress?
- Ask for proper specs without feeling guilty?
- Work slower and not hate yourself for it?
- Push back on unrealistic expectations?

I'm burned out and need to learn how to be strategically as mediocre as possible for my own sanity.

Anyone been through this mindset shift?

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  • 6
    2d
    Quit. Or commit fraud. Crime is always a good answer.
  • 3
    2d
    What would you rather? Sleep an extra hour or be at work on time? Stress about getting something done or just play a game/read a book/watch a movie?

    I've gotten good enough that once I check out at the end of the day, that I often have to jog my memory for stand up the next day XD (aka read the git commit log)
  • 2
    2d
    The fact that you’ve been at the job for only 4 months and you’re already burned out is a strong signal. You have to ask yourself what are you sacrificing in yourself by ignoring this and keeping everything copacetic. What are your sacrificing for the money? Just get clear. Bc you don’t want to become resentful. So you already identified you need to make a change. At minimum I’d have a talk with your manager expressing your concerns about frequent chaos and context switching reducing dev efficiency. Keep in mind your manager may be trying to survive too. Or worse, your manager may be trying to climb the ladder at the cost of running anyone in their way over. If you have this kind of manager you should leave ASAP. For your health. Start putting out feelers for other teams. Subtly interview other managers. Are there any sane ones? Talk to fellow devs. Can you switch teams? And lastly start assembling an exit plan and put money aside for a job search runway.
  • 3
    1d
    yeah just do what feels like boundaries to you until you get fired

    tbh getting fired is oddly freeing, when it's on your terms. then you know it was mutual. instead of when you try to people please and get fired. then that drives you nuts. but if they fire you for your boundaries you go "oh was my subservience part of the deal, hah. good riddance" and somehow it reinforces the stubbornness of your boundaries and makes them clearer to you also
  • 3
    1d
    If you're a hard worker it's most convenient to have other hard workers around you. Taking it slower is terrible.
  • 0
    1d
    Will agree with @retoor that if you try artificially to reduce your actual output, it won't make you happier. With that, I mean is stretching your 1-hour output over 8 hours, you're just going to make yourself even more frustrated - but it's the same if you try to cram 4 hours of work into 2. And having good peers, not just programming ones, does help immensely, especially if your rewards are more extrinsic. But it seems you're lacking those
  • 2
    17h
    > How do you mentally check out and stop caring at a toxic job?

    you don't.

    you get a better job.

    unless you're an idiot, or a masochist.
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