This tickled me way too much

“Hi - we’ve done an analysis of the front end codebase and we’ve determined that it would be a good idea to start using Bootstrap. Are there any concerns with this?”

“Hey - no concerns, we actually already use Bootstrap in all those places.”

“I was not aware. So you’re saying there are concerns?”

😑

Had to create this table tent because mfs just couldn't take a hint. I also have one for when I'm concentrating/deep in code zone.

*yesterday*
Client: "Perfect! How did you do this so quickly?"
Me: "I used a library"
*today*
Me: "I'm still debugging. It will take some time"
Client: "Well, it has already taken too long...I can hear Mozart in the background. Maybe you need to go to a library to get some quiet and get it done fast. Visit the one you used yesterday."
Me: "Library?...Ah, I meant plugin...like, code...a library is a bunch of packaged code"

When I was getting my CS degree, in the first year (2003-2004) all projects had to be delivered in an envelop containing the printed document and a floppy disk with the code/program inside. Yes, a floppy disk.

So whenever I couldn't finish the project on time, I just dropped a corrupted floppy disk on the envelop, this way I got at least one more week to work on the project and when professor came to me like "Hey, your floppy didn't work" I was like "no way! oh man, I think I have a copy here, try this one instead".

Oh those good old times that will never come back.

Unpopular opinion: I like JavaScript.

My favourite bug reports are the ones for where something is missing. No details on pages, or steps to recreate, but they do include a screenshot.

Essentially, they go "Here's a picture of something that isn't there."

Great, thanks, I'll get right on that.

"When I try make a change, system XYZ is not happy do you know why?"

Really? That's all you're giving me to go on?

Yeah, I commented the code.
// ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)

This guy keeps insisting there’s a bug in my code, on a specific line. The stack trace shows that a NPE is thrown in his code, before that line is reached, but he won’t be persuaded by this argument and won’t send me the class.

Somehow he’s certain that Java would throw a NPE on trying to iterate through an empty list, as if his code was even returning an empty list. Can you imagine the chaos.

I get listening to music while you code, but I’m afraid I just can’t believe in watching a TV show while you code. You’re not coding, you’re watching a show. Or if you are coding, the level of code that’s being written is probably low enough to make it a waste of time.

GODDAMNSIT when you have a perfectly good rant to rant but it’s long and it’s a pain to write on a mobile and devRant DOESN’T HAVE A REAL SITE

Happy Halloween guys!

Designing a framework: design the framework. Have a bunch of drinks. Try use the framework. Sober up and examine how you’ve butchered it.

Adjust the framework.

The last communication we had was me asking you if you would like a service for that, with no response? And now, ten days later, you’d like an update on when it will be available?

Well I raised a pull request on your side a week ago, your developers have just been ignoring it.

What? No, I don’t know when it will be merged and ready.

Send the dev a request for a design before they do a delicate process. They send back some mess done in MSPaint and a ton of select statements, with no context or explanation.

Send back an example of what they need to work through. Get back a response saying that the previous spec was just a draft, and once they complete development they’ll complete the design.

Why would I want a design once it was too late? What would be the point?

boss' revenge

So here https://devrant.com/rants/1349878/... posted prank played on boss. For 3days I been freaking out what boss will do as revenge (check env and alias everytime I login). Then yesterday happened his revenge.

Was doing testing on my programs & sometime some programs would run but sometime it get segmentation fault. Seemed random first but then saw a pattern... everytime I get segmentation fault and I run again it would be fine. Checked alias... nothing, /etc/crontab, env, ps -ef... nothing seemed off, cksum of my binary... correct. Fuck! "What my boss did?" asked myself. Finally .5hrs later I saw entry in my id's crontab but then 1min later it's gone from my crontab

From there figured out how boss did it:
1) He replaced ntpd with his C program that runs in background creating an entry in my crontab every few mins
2) The entry in my crontab set to run /foobar/ulittleprick.sh every 2mins
3) ulittleprick.sh picks random binary owned by me, rename binary.name to .binary.name.nitwit and create a script named binary.name
4) Then ulittleprick.sh will remove itself from cron

What the generated binary.name script does? Sleep for 2 secs, echo "Segmentation fault", then rename back .binary.name.nitwit to binary.name. It even exits with status 139! I want to cry! Worst part is comment in 2nd line of ulittleprick.sh... kill me now

C : Hi, I will send you the minor fixes with new images soon. Can you update for me?

Me : Yes sure.

C : We would also like to launch the website tomorrow.

Me : Oh cool. Then I'll connect it to the live domain after the updates.

C : My boss also likes to press a button and launch the website....

Me : ... umm ...

So i sent my bill to the client yesterday and:

C: the amount is too high i can’t pay this
M: but you validate the number of working days
C: but the amount is huge ... nevermind i’ll pay you because you are good guy
M: ...

Me: so glad it's Friday!
Coworker: it's Wednesday...
Me: FUUUUCCKK. This is bullshit

Let none say it wasn't a productive day.

Never forget.

Dude comes for an interview for a mobile position - one of the first things he says is "Adobe is killing Flash, don't know why, big mistake."

Yes, come tell me there's a user experiencing an issue, but you don't know on which page or exactly what it was. I'll fix that right away.

Dev: what do I call this file ?
Me: just name it something meaningful so other dev's know what it is

Two days pass

Me: time to do code review .. oh look a new file ..

Git comment : new file for sax parsing , architecture gave the ok.

File name : SomethingMeaningful.java

Girl: I love guys who are rich.
Me: I paid for sublime and winrar.
Girl: Your place or mine??

I just remind myself, there are always options.

https://theregister.co.uk/2017/07/...

Trying to work out an encoding bug after upload, I ask them to send me the original version of the file that is currently uploaded. I look at the files and they seem strangely similar, but strangely different.

I reply to them, "To confirm, this is the version you uploaded?"

"Nope."

They've told me I'm going to have to start doing timesheets.

When should I tell them I'm going to start producing work much more slowly?