Client says the styling of a particular component on their website is wrong. It looks fine to me. They can't give me an example of how it should look, or tell me what's wrong with the way it looks currently, but they want me to fix it.

Clients who send you an email and then call to say that they've sent you an email are the worst.

Client: "Hi, there's a problem with this link"
Me: "How odd, I'll take a look right away"

-- 19 minutes later --

Client: "Has this been fixed?"
Me: "I'm working on it currently"
Client: "OK please let us know when it's done"
Me: "I will do"

-- 2 minutes later --

Client: "Hi, is this done?"
Me: "I've just told you I will let you know as soon as it's done"

-- 5 minutes later --

Client: "Hi, sorry to hassle, but is this done yet?"
Me: *starts twitching*
Me: "I am working on it and I will let you know when it's done"
Client: "OK, well don't worry about it, it doesn't really matter"
Me: *explodes*

Client had me implement an exit intent modal on their website, inviting visitors to sign up to their mailing list when they moved to close the browser tab.

Client then had me implement an on page load modal which displays the poster for their upcoming event.

Client just emailed "Double popup happening!" with a screenshot of their website with both modals displayed at once.

Kicking myself for replying and explaining that this was expected behaviour in light of what they'd asked for instead of responding, simply, "Yes".

Client emails and asks why a certain element appears on particular page of their website. I respond by saying that they'd asked me to place it there. I then find and forward them the email in which they requested that I place the element on the page. Client replies to forwarded email, "What is this in relation to?".

I must stress that this was all in the space of about two minutes and no other emails were exchanged in-between; there was zero possibility of crossed wires.

Client's WordPress powered site has gone down due to influx of traffic. Site is cached and whatnot, the server it's on is simply underpowered and not coping. Whilst I'm frantically trying to spin up new servers and load balance and get things back online, client keeps interrupting with emails like "URGENT - Website is down", "How long is this going to take please?", and "Hello! Do you know whats going on?!". I reply cordially to each, secretly growing increasingly enraged. "Yes I am already aware and working on it.", "Difficult to estimate, but I'm hoping no more than 20 minutes.", "Yes. I'm working on it.", "Yes, I know. I'm working on it."

And then I receive this gem: "Perhaps call Word press?"

AARRGGHHH

This scene from Clerks springs to mind: https://youtube.com/watch/...

Client just asked if I could make a dropdown menu appear when a navigation item is hovered over. ON MOBILE.

Client asks me to implement pie chart on webpage. Sum of figures supplied amounts to > 100%. Pointing out discrepancy I request the correct figures, only to be told that the figures are correct. Very well. One week passes. Receive email from client: "The figures for this chart are wrong, they total > 100%, here are the correct figures...". *Sigh*.

"By larger do you mean bigger?"

I was honestly just asked this in an email from a client.

The funniest thing is I didn't even say "larger", I said "bigger".

Client called with a query regarding her email client. Said to me during the conversation, "I've got yozzamite". Took me a few moments to realise that she meant Yosemite.

Client has asked me to sign an NDA. They've emailed me the NDA and asked that I print two copies of it, one which I must sign and return to them, and the other to keep for myself. Because I'm to print it twice, they've attached two copies of the NDA in PDF form. They're identical, I've checked.