in any other language anything is possible

in rust?

"no"

and you spend 3 months on it and turns out it's a no

this is like project #13 for me where I fail at it. the others I didn't try as long. but now I'm sure

good night

the AI says the code I'm trying to design is very complex a problem, d'awww I'm not a failure 🥺

the solution seems to unironically be to delete half of it and make it far simpler / less features lol

why can't I make my code psychic to what I want, ragh! oh well

I swear search has been bastardized just so you have to go ask AI questions

remember in the 90s when everyone thought access to knowledge at your fingertips would lead to world peace. now the Internet gets scrubbed to sell you another knockoff Roomba you don't want

I could go programming drones to kill my own people for money, like at least then I'd have a connection to my job

also programming drones sounds kind of fun

I used to really like pvp games. I also love unconventional RTS games. who wouldn't wanna make a real-world pvp RTS game interface, or automate an army of autonomous drones that could act on their own like it's a game of screeps

literally just so fun

if I was @ostream and an accelerationist...

either case if I go work somewhere and build them something great I have weird confusing PTSD emotions about it. to be honest making war machines somehow makes me less anxious about the idea. isn't it strange. I can't figure it out

you help people but they fuck you. at least if you're fucking people you'd accept being fucked in the process so you don't end up feeling anxious? I don't know why I feel like I do

you'd expect if you help people they would help you back. then when they don't it ruins everything, it ruins your core. you also can't know if who you are committing to will help you back or not. so you can only lose. if you help you'll get fucked. so why help?

in which case just doing something you love like optimizing pwn machines is what I'm built for. is that all I got? how does that make sense? it just doesn't to me. you'd think it would be clear but something is fighting

you either get unreadable rust code or 7 layers of misdirection so that the compiler can work around keeping track of lifetimes

I mean maybe I'm too opinionated about readability. technically the computer can read it so people should just get good I guess

apparently the chance of getting hit by an asteroid that nukes some large hole in the land or causes tsunamis everywhere is a lot more common than humans have seen lately

and asteroids come in chunks because they keep breaking up into smaller and smaller pieces until they finally disintegrate

and earth has had an awful lot of near misses the last 20 years so that means there's a bunch of chunks flying repeatedly though this solar system's gravity wells and we're playing Russian roulette every time, none the wiser

and it's not the asteroid itself that's really the problem though millions will die if one hits. it's that every time those things hit there's actual climate change

so then you'll have to survive sun block out, famines, and floods for like 2-5 years after

but the SPACEFORCE fired the guy responsible for planning for this due to DEI

how to win the game of geopolitics. know this information and hide it from the countries you want to die, wait for an asteroid, and they're unprepared and die. whoops wasn't us!

been taking tryptophan for a few months which basically makes you happy cuz it gets turned into serotonin

at first it was like a mild psychedelic a bit and you were really happy (and less extreme than 5htp...)

then I stopped feeling it so I wanted to get off it. plus I had some weird strangely pissy days which might point to tolerance issues

serotonin withdrawal would've probably been 3 days, or 1-2 weeks, of being irritated and miserable

instead I braved trying a new drug I bought a long time ago but didn't bother trying for reasons. I'm taking extremely small doses cuz it could be massively dangerous. been weird lately. brain kind of good but out of it in a different way. well turns out today I was reading up on it (I always take drugs then read up on what they do after... life skills!) and it increases serotonin receptor sensitivity lol

why go through serotonin withdrawal due to tolerance when you can just take drugs to decrease tolerance?! bet you this means you'll have a MEGA withdrawal, not just from your receptors becoming insensitive, but also the receptors for making your receptors more sensitive becoming insensitive!

anyway music sounds amazing and I really should stop wondering about random shit for no reason at all. as is typical in psychedelics one can have amazing thoughts and can't iron out all the details so communication goes to garbage. fun fun fun fun

it's also apparently a pretty amazing nootropic. unexpected. and cures cancer. like a bunch of other shit but this crap apparently reversed literal fucking radiation exposure and super aggressive brain cancers? bruh. was taking it for the chance I had polio lol. jury's still out on that. left side still numb, though I'm getting a bunch of minor sensations back all over the place but it could just be the nootropic aspect. apparently it does brain growth factor like other stuff I've taken but this feels stronger

the reason I didn't take it is cuz it comes with scary warning labels for autoimmune conditions and the most likely theory is that my immune system is attacking my nerves. but this might be misinformation again because it's also given to conditions that are autoimmune and might lessen their symptoms or fix them... grrrr I hate modern "science". money > lives and fuck you. and don't let that sentence fool you into thinking if you have money they'll help you, they can't help anyone, they're just there to misinform and trap you so they can milk you. pay to play MMO but the developers can't even give you good gear they're too incompetent to code the numbers in, they're just designers changing the icons around

rules are the starting point,
and then you break them and become an expert

wololo

I don't think I like programming threads

I swear YouTube has become the new Twitter

it keeps recommending to me so much drama I've never heard of. this name that, career ruined, things are stealing from you! new outrage machine

think I'm coming to the realization that you gotta have impossible goals

ones you regularly try to work towards, preferably obsessively

because then it trains your spirit

and everything else in life becomes a cakewalk by comparison

which is the true gift of the whole ordeal

maybe that's where all that rhetoric about "working towards something greater than yourself" came from but it got warped by exploitative parties 🤔

TIL indians live on the "satisfaction" plane hence saying yes to things they can't do to satisfy you, but also dissatisfy people as a form of attritional warfare, which is their specialty.
I was watching the trump v Kamala debate and was reminded of a bunch of tactics I've had used against me by an Indian lead dev, who I ignored the behaviour of and didn't think she was actually hostile to me until it was too late. but it made me feel so bad for him and I got an epiphany. it seems like the tactics are the same, so I got curious if there was an Indian art of war

Interestingly the AI said yes but directed me to the wrong book. I did find the right book eventually. it exists. the Chinese stole ideas from it to write their sun tzu art of war, but it's basically a Machiavellian manual before Machiavelli was alive. very cool

also turns out China is behind everything. I remember ages ago I got in a fight with a schizoid programmer friend of mine because he knew China was taking over everything and he wanted them to win, and I was rooting for team India because they were far less miserable than the Chinese. don't make a deal with the Chinese. guy was stupid. they treat people like irrelevant meat

China seems to be connected to everything that's going on right now.
- they're infiltrating Canadian politics, get international students to change Canadian election outcomes (200k/30m people who weren't citizens but got bussed to voting centers and just used proof of address to vote. they changed outcomes of 4 elected officials in one province, and local Chinese people are saying they get threats about their family back in China if they don't do what China tells them to -- but our elected government just keeps quiet on it and then goes to China for new orders during "climate conferences" and uselessly gives them a bunch of our fucking money)
- there was issues with the Chinese buying up real estate in Canada and just leaving them empty. it's probably still happening even though Canada eventually imposed a tax on leaving empty real estate around that you're not renting out. they're still buying up properties, and we have an increasing housing shortage as a result. one of my old apartments a white guy, who was suspicious and shifty, bought the unit and forced us to move out citing code violations (you can't kick someone out otherwise here because of very strong renter's protections). they never introduced who bought the place, but they did have 7 ALL CHINESE SPEAKING IN CHINESE people come in and measure everything at the apartment. so they're definitely still buying up real estate
- are behind the green agenda (our politicians seem to take orders from them under this guise)
- seem to strangely have had camps where they let migrants pass through the South Americas to get into united states, were very closed off and hostile to anyone snooping so it was up in the air what they were doing there. after people came to snoop the camps up and disappeared
- are who USA is competing with in the AI race, the whole AI narrative is literally a fight between the west and China

and there's a super smart systems guy who thinks they were behind the world economic forum and I'm increasingly starting to believe it

all electronics coming from China should be a concern. it isn't

there's tons of Chinese trying to enter open source software to install backdoors. they're nearly successful or successful often. same with that DDoS on DNS years ago

there's rumours they've been running Canada since the 80s, via infiltrating Canadian tech companies to steal their software and are the gatekeepers for a lot of underground stuff

I'm starting to believe even the COVID virus was on purpose. I didn't before. there was a number of labs that had that virus, a lab leak happened around Ukraine 6 months prior to the "Olympics outbreak" (seriously that was PERFECT timing for a lab leak if you wanted to do a bioweapon on purpose -- you would hit every country at once!), but there was also a lab in Canada that had it and some reporters were upset about it because the lab didn't seem to care about our national security and was letting suspicious Chinese nationals work at it, and for some reason there's been discovered a BUNCH of illegal makeshift Chinese labs in California with super vile stuff in them

and what the fuck was that Chinese spy balloon fiasco anyway. you can't shoot it down? I think that was a test to see how fast and readily the west would defend itself. or maybe they wanted to see the response procedures

and then on top of it many people think the opioid epidemic is all china. china makes the drugs. it would also fit perfectly, because in the 1800s or whatever the British empire had entirely decimated china for decades by getting them addicted to the opioid trade. eventually the British empire merged with USA and now USA is basically the head of the new British empire

I think we're at war with China and literally don't fucking know it

lol rust has no early return from a match statement

continue to skip rest of loop
break to exit a loop
return to exit a function

they put in let Ok(response) = request.send() else { return None };
then you can use response like normal after

but let's say I wanna know what the error was (Ok being a variant of Result::Ok or Result::Err, and the above allowing you to destructure and go on or exit early because can't destructure)

let response = match response.send() {
Ok(response) => response,
Err(err) => {
// log error to file or whatever
eprintln!("{err:#?}");
//????? HOW DO I BREAK OUT OF HERE
return None //whole function shits itself instead of just exiting match
}
}
//does some stuff with response

actually in my case the result will be wrapped in a Ok again so I'm not doing justice to explaining this problem, fux
but basically I need to exit the match without ending the function

come on, match is a loop. let me break, fuckers.

fuck my amount of things I have to write is exponentially increasing as I fail to keep up with all the features i need fucking hell

at least I bought groceries before shops closed today. gotta go through my potatoes and make sure they're not bad and throw out all the bad ones and eat any sus ones first

fuck I haven't even began exploring how to do a TUI. I need a few days to explore it but the things I need yesterday are stressing me out so I don't know how I could calm down enough to have a nice deep dive into it and gain expertise if I'm so distracted all the time but coming up with more fucking things I need, fuck

how do i

think I had my first burnout

so exciting

I couldn't sleep last night and obsessively worked all day. couldn't pay attention during dinner / relaxing before sleep with people. everyone went to bed, I didn't. ended up getting up and working then trying to sleep, repeat, like 6 times. morning came, neighbours running saws and shit, eventually slept 2 hours then 1.5 hours, if even. then worked more. good morning. fuckit. then got really pissed at everything for like 4 hours and wanted to be left alone any time a person got close to me, BUT KEPT WORKING, stressing. until I realized holy shit I'm fucking miserable

now I think I'm crashing

IM SO EXCITED. I've never been so obsessed about my own incompetence at something before. I've never had this. this leads me to believe all burnout is due to people trying to fight their incompetence maybe?
people always tell me I work too much and all that but I never understood cuz I like it. maybe this is what they meant though. in which case I'm mad at all of them for incorrectly identifying my emotional state in the past grrrrr. cuz they'd use that as an excuse to rope me into doing things I didn't even find enjoyable because supposedly it was "good for me" but I thought it was fucking lame. fucking hell

I hope the best way to explore data is terminal apps

TUI

guess I'll find out tomorrow... zzz
I have such data problems tho

need a random number

AI says just use system time and modulus it. I'm wondering if I can get performance down lower cuz I'm doing this maybe like thousands of times a second (im too lazy to do the math rn)

found a crate called fastrand. they're all like this isn't secure for cryptography and yada yada. peak inside curious how they do it. not too sure, seems like they have a predetermined hash and they do some bitwise or something. kind of a lot to read so I don't wanna. either case seems like they're not using system time

make a test to benchmark, 10k rounds how fast is it?

430 nano seconds for system time
460 nano second for fastrand

lol
all that typing and you end up slower than system time. I'm assuming system time can be guessed as well but what's the point of fastrand if it's slower 🤔

I mean maybe on some OS systems looking up the system time might be slower? no clue

welp I went from "gosh rust makes programming so stupid because I don't have to keep anything in my head like in JavaScript, if it compiles it runs zzzz you can literally be wasted / in dementia and write working software now"

to "I wonder if I can inspect how long threads are waiting for mutex locks to squeeze the hell out of performance"

new code golf

I wish music made money

and also that I didn't have to write a library to be able to make the music I wanna make, raaghhh

I wrote one in JavaScript but javascript is poor at timing and for music timing is important. it's mostly fine if you don't listen too hard but it could be so much better

I want to make something like it in rust but I'm fish out of water. I want bit-level control of output but I don't have the precursory knowledge to know how to do it

*lazily works on secret evil plan instead*
wish my head would stop hurting also, that would be great

mistakes you've felt you've made? what happened?

there is no way YouTube isn't dead as a product

last night I had to switch from matrix voice chat to discord voice chat to talk to somebody (because their phone suddenly doesn't do matrix well, keeps cutting out their mic if their screen is turned off or they switch to a different app wtf). they misinterpreted something I said as talking about "shock value". I think that's a demeaning term that doesn't capture why "bad" content is good. now I'm just chilling trying not to workaholic and first recommendation on YouTube I have is about "what happened to shock value websites". oh I'm sure that's a coincidence

this has been happening increasingly and I fucking hate it. it keeps recommending videos that have absolutely nothing to do with what I'm watching or have ever watched or would even be in the interest of in the past, but I mention it somewhere and it creepily suggests the content to me, always with videos claiming to have 2-3 million views. bullshit. I tried some of these and there's no way anybody cares about this content in such numbers. it's so lukewarm and dumb. and how the hell do they have "opinion" vlogs about every topic? since when did that become the #1 type of content on YouTube? cuz it's 50% of my recommendations and I've never given a shit

I have like 500 subscriptions on YouTube. I've had an account a long time. a lot of them are old channels that stopped being active as YouTube evolved, which I think was a shame. a lot of them had to do with ad revenue or YouTube algorithm just not suggesting their content to new people. they were wholesome, honest channels with really good content I think -- really good game analysis, compilations of unique or weird viral content and the guy was just a funny dude in his basement, etc. but fair I guess. shame, but fair

Then there was the quiet era, where your front page just didn't suggest the good channels and just the stupid channels. it didn't suggest your subscriptions but in your interest area or something. what's the point of subscriptions if you're not showing me them? this is also about the time if I left a comment on a video I ceased receiving replies so I assume I was shadow banned. I have not received a single reply in years now, even on small channels. some content creators noticed if they post on their own channels and accidentally logged out and looked for their comment their own comments don't show up. just weird annoying nonsense that's inappropriate for them to be doing. bruh, please

and then the next wave came, it wasn't just YouTube won't recommend your channel, in the COVID era what came was if you mentioned something then channels with previously millions of views, still currently millions of subscribers, suddenly went down to 5k-50k views per video. bitch please, you expect anyone to believe this nonsense?

then they fucked up the search. I KNOW videos exist and I can't find them. I type in half the video's title, you can't find it. thankfully if you type in every single word exactly you can still find them. bruh that's too much. also just search plain doesn't work. if I'm looking for a specific topic I get 5-10 max videos on that topic and the rest are irrelevant recommendations. this is entirely ridiculous. there's videos I KNOW exist on YouTube and nobody gave a shit about them, like 5 view Benny benassi music clips with a scene from a video game. I can't even meme anymore

this morning a friend on discord sent me a... weird clip, of like an anime skit. problem? well discord embeds YouTube videos. I pressed play. I get... an ad. lol what. I browse away and back to the video. try again. ad. yeah I'm not playing this. I have to refresh the page 20-30 times sometimes just until the ads stop fucking up every time my adblocker ceases working (and then I have to go update it again lol -- by going to the developer page for the ad block because it was banned from the app store so you can't auto update it and have to manually update it every time)

my friend links me a discord plugin to... remove ads... from YouTube embeds... bruh

I used to mod discord but it's annoying, because every time discord updates you have to go re-apply the hack to be able to mod your discord

I think we should just plain move away from YouTube. during COVID era a lot of people got banned in subreddits on reddit. I noticed when you get banned, the subreddit still has you listed as a subscriber. the r/Canada subreddit for example has 3 million subscribers but the activity of a subreddit that's maybe 1k people. increasingly subreddits just became ghost towns after that like that. reddit is a dead website, with fake numbers. I think YouTube is now a dead website, with fake numbers. no fucking way stupid lukewarm opinion videos with absolutely nothing to add are getting 2-3 million views and people are just clamouring for these takes they didn't ask for

also stop listening in on my private conversations. fucking disgusting. idc if an AI is transcribing. ew.

it's "limits to growth" because if we're right we win and if we don't win we will limit your growth so that we win, how dare you try to prove us wrong by existing you must've done it on purpose, heathen!

*rewrites rust mpsc*

you did it wroooong

I thought my threads were locking if I had thousands of jobs spawning thousands of more jobs. turns out it's fine. actually if I organize my data locks in the way everyone wants to do them my CPU fans go off but my original way you don't feel jack shit and processes faster

turns out it's because 320k jobs is a bit much for mpsc. because my jobs can spawn more jobs the whole thing just grinds to a halt. and there's sync-mpsc which allows you to have a maximum number of data you send through it, therefore I can just have 245 sent jobs instead of 320k but then this locks all the threads because for a thread to finish it needs to finish sending jobs, but a sync mpsc won't let you send a job if current jobs are over the specified limit. so all the threads get stuck sending jobs. smart. not. what's even the point of that?!

and evidently there's no built-in way to prioritize certain jobs. the AI thinks you should just send jobs in and each thread should have a priority queue. I don't know sounds dumb to me. then you could by random luck have threads with lots of jobs that need to be prioritized to be done and other threads stuck hanging waiting for previous jobs / the other threads. no thanks

so clearly the solution is to rewrite mpsc but allow prioritization when a thread goes in to ask for a job to do

since my jobs are intended to start other jobs, it makes sense to have no actual upper bound limit to the number of jobs in the queue but to favour doing jobs that won't start new jobs to lower the RAM and compute necessary to juggle all this

hope this is the actual problem. cuz the code works for like 200 jobs spawning 500 jobs each, which is 100k jobs total
but it stalls to a halt doing 8300 jobs spawning 500 jobs each (which if I do the math -- in my tests it stalls at 320k jobs and seems the number should be 4,150,00 jobs -- yeah I think this is probably the damned problem)

do you do any rituals to make it psychologically easier to deploy your code into production / replace an existing working system?

what's the difference between achievement and ego?

tried to frustratingly google "how to make rust code not ugly", ended up here: https://github.com/koute/stdweb/...

nevermind

inb4 I redesign everything for the 6th time

wrote dumb threading and sockets system to make a bunch of https calls

extracted the working code into nice objects and methods to make it look sane and so I can re-use the code for more complex functionality that builds on itself

now suddenly the threads are locking and not multi-threading anymore

turns out?
the http(s) library expects the tls / https thing in an Arc / atomic reference count
but despite Arc being literally intended and designed for threadwork it seems the library in question throttles / locks itself if they are all using the same Arc (I don't even know how that is possible?)
if I clone the tls / https thing, no throttle / lock issues 😒
why did they even try that lol, they didn't test?!

I really didn't expect to be better at multi-threading than others already. I'm newbie. pls

if you're having funner you're winning, son 😏

browsed through somewhere people were confessing things about their life. the community there is about something else so it's an interesting peek to who is there and how they are as people outside that area. man some depressing shit, or plain vile shit, evil shit

people have hope for the best for themselves and it doesn't work so they go crazy sometimes

some in there thought if they stayed there and toughed it out and were "successful" they would feel better. they didn't. I see that so much in the comments. people thinking if only they were successful they would feel better, but their problems have nothing to do with their level of success. it's strange humans do this

somehow every time I see depression I get happy

life will roll you, but are you having fun, son?
the more pain you see, the more you understand
so let's make talking about pain illegal

earlier I found out the first time my roommate realized if you pushed your body you eventually can't feel how tough it is to move it was when he was in his mid 20s on a college field trip... really wtf?
I walked a few miles to a far away grocery store to buy potatoes and hauled a couple bags home today. last time I did this I felt great after, which is what spurred the earlier conversation cuz I was telling him I was gonna go do it again.
well when I got back... he was doing dishes and literally crying... and he doesn't do dishes... because it's too physically tough for him to do his own dishes... so I guess knowing I was gonna do this walk with several kgs of potatoes he decided to try it out...
I told him the difference is maybe cuz since ever I could remember, my mom had taken me on errands with her like pre me being 3 years old, and we'd walk like 6-8 hours so I had learned real quick if you just power through physically you eventually feel nothing and can do it all day long

how could a dude not know that until he's in his 20s lol

so much of life is just like this though. it's funny. nothing real is spoken, nobody does anything, nothing ever happens. there's even war tourism people complaining current wars are too boring

but are you having fun, son?

God I hate vscode

it keeps giving me a pop-up telling me I don't have a php environment setup

I have no interest in using php. that's why I don't.

and now apparently the git interface got changed. I don't want stupid random changes

and frequently in some part of the IDE it'll say error but then not show up where the error file is for example

Microsoft bought GitHub and all the atom people said they were gonna kill atom and push their vscode, everyone called them paranoid, Microsoft released a statement saying they weren't gonna kill atom. a year later they killed atom. so now I have to use this stupid vscode shit. and if you go anywhere asking for an IDE suggestion and you mention "not Microsoft" the mods will literally ban you for "being political"

how about I just don't want a bloated goddamned IDE that I don't control

in atom I could just uninstall other languages packages. actually atom didn't even come with them, they were optional. vscode, like all other shitty ass IDEs, is increasingly coming with everything and the kitchen sink -- and only one version, Microsoft's, so if you don't like it fuck you

atom was so good because it was modular. they fucking killed it. and we're back to bloated shit. I guess because if shit is bloated you can argue "we need all this data from you" and so they fucking bloat to justify themselves