* Literally writes one variable name

* Alt Tab to devRant

"Ahh whats new on devRant?"

It's funny how all the pretty girls on LinkedIn want to have a cup of coffee with me after I updated my profile to match my current position. Previously not even bots on Tinder would chat to me.

Long time ago, back in a day of Microsoft Office 95 and 97, I was contracted to integrate a simple API for a payment service provider.

They've sent me the spec, I read it, it was simple enough: 1. payment OK, 2. payment FAILED. Few hours later the test environment was up and happy crediting and debiting fake accounts. Then came the push to prod.

I worked with two other guys, we shut down the servers, made a backup, connected new provider. All looked perfectly fine. First customers were paying, first shops were sending their products... Until two days later it turned out the money isn't coming through even though all we are getting from the API is "1" after "1"! I shut it off. We had 7 conference calls, 2 meetings, 3 days of trying and failing. Finally, by a mere luck, I found out what's what.

You see, Microsoft, when you invent your own file format, it's really nice to make it consistent between versions... So that the punctuation made in Microsoft Word 97 that was supposed to start from "0" didn't start from "1" when you open the file in Microsoft Word 95.

Also, if you're a moron who edits documentation in Microsoft Word, at least export it to a fucking PDF before sending out. Please.

Okay, this is me panicking. We're switching to Microsoft Teams at work. This means that I will have to cut the Slack and switch to a fucking Microsoft solution for chat. Am I supposed to be worried?

News : Congratulations, your Asus phone has Pie upgrade.

Others : Wow, finally new features. 📲📷
Me : Oh fuck, new bugs 🐛

For all the lazy programmers...

Ok bye...

.........

Shout out to the people who take someone else's office chair. I just went for a toilet break then *poof* someone took it.

Asked my boss if I could have more ram. He laughed at me .. we have 4gb..

My phpstorm freezes all the time while the page file catches up...

IT'S TWO THOUSANDS FUCKING NINETEEN VERSION AND YES VISUAL STUDIO IS STILL FREEZING WHEN COPYING AND PASTING A SIMPLE FUCKING TEXT FILE INSIDE THE SOLUTION

Before you rant, make sure it's not a repost.
Q: How do you know if it's a repost?
A: If it's a meme on the internet, so very probably that it's already posted here.. so don't

#Copied

Presenting: my weather app (not made by me).

https://play.google.com/store/apps/...

"The Fucking Weather"

That moment when you ask your friend if he/she has plugged it in and they say yes and your answer is ”send a picture” and they respond with this....

My head is melting. Does anyone have a colleague who constantly complains about missing specs, documentation, project organization, bad processes and procedures? Everything needs to be planned. Not a single small code change can be done without reviewed details. 10min job becomes a week-long session of whining and dabbling.

You give the guy a small task and at the end of the day nothing is done. Just page after page of written documents and lists in Word and online notebooks. Version numbers, meaningless measurement results, latencies etc. And all you asked was "could you just fucking fix this one thing and quickly compile and check it". But no. There must be a review and at least 10 people need to be called into conference. Someone needs to approve everything just so that he can later move to blame to others. "Yeah I know it's not working but I showed you the code and you reviewed it!". Yes, you did, but other people have work of their own so sometimes you need to tie your own shoelaces.

And sometimes finally there's some work done. All indentations are shit. There’re code changes everywhere just because the guy didn't like the previous smaller, compact and logical code. The code doesn't even compile properly anymore. And if you complain, the reason is "there's no proper reviewed and stamped process description, so I cannot know if a variable is supposed to be 10 characters long. Besides 200 character long variable names are much more descriptive". For fucks sake.

Some coders should've gone to work in some tax office basement.

This is why you DONT deploy in a Friday!

Now can we all agree to stop disagreeing!

Ps: I love CommitStrip sometimes.

Dear Managers.....

Node Js..😍😍♥️♥️

We've got this legacy PHP system that doesn't really run anywhere else than on it's server. It's not configured with git, and there's no pipeline. Just plain old SSH. How would you go about managing it?

"WE'RE HIRING!!"

Skills Required:

BEFORE: HTML, CSS, JS, jQuery

NOW: REACT/VUE/ANGULAR, NODE, CI/CD PIPELINE, DOCKER, GRAPHQL, JOHN CENA

FUCK YOU EXCEL!

Multiple monitors to show multiple sheets at once?
Excel: Not allowed.
FUCK YOU

Open multiple files at once?
Excel: Not allowed, I will only show you one at a time.
FUCK YOU

Multiple Desktops to have multiple setups to easily switch between?
Excel: Not allowed, I'll show you the same spreadsheet on all desktops!
FUCK YOU

FUCK FUCK FUCK

That moment when someone sends you a picture file with the name "XXX.png.jpg"...

Nice @dfox! Double clicking GIFs no longer open them. Much easier to upvote now 😁

goddamnit

Hopefully not a repost 😂

Probably old but made me laugh way more than it should have XD

My code broke for no reason.
I added a log statement to see why.
*tests code*
It worked....
What the 何?!

When coding, what percentage of your time is spent fluently typing your code vs thinking about what you're coding?

Some morons dug the road in front of my office and the internet is down. Apparently, they broke the cable.