Client: This new feature is not working on Internet Explorer.
Me: Do you have enough oxygen in the cave you are living in?

Friendly reminder for travalers:

You can usually reset your free WiFi time at airport networks by clearing cookies :)

As a computer scientist I lie sometimes about my mojor to avoid any question related to computers...

"If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas." - George Bernard Shaw

Random post on linkedin...

"Jack of all trades, master of none"

Being a generalist does not make you a master of none.

You are at a position to apply your diverse yet relevant experiences into a singular objective. This makes you strategic and holistic.

A jack of all trades, a master of integration.

When a co-worker requested changes on a PR giving the reason "I am a fan of'".
No because it will optimize the application, or make the code more maintainable. He's just a fan. Like I went to work to look for fans.

It's like github but for your happiness

So... Facebook just stated that they plan on loosening up the End-to-end encryption in WhatsApp to analyze the messages and show user-specific advertisements.

Time to uninstall WhatsApp I guess!

Overheard from a sales call (involving web templates):

"Sometimes I really don't get our devs. They come up with all these ridiculous meaningless acronyms for everything, and yet they go mental if you dare shorten Javascript to Java."

Fuck agile,fuck scrum masters now I really hate the word story and epic.

Oh my god, PHP is so dead.. Node.js is totally kicking ass by powering 0.6% of the internet!

The year is 2025
vlcInstall.exe
"You already have videos, the trusted and safe media player for windows 10"
AtomInstaller.exe
"You already have vscode, the better and lighter editor for windows 10"
SteamInstaller.exe
"You already have Microsoft solitare, a fun, better game for windows 10"
*googles c++ tutorials*
"Try c#, safer and robust language for developers, oh and did we forget to mention use bing?"
*downloads arch iso*
"This file has been marked malicious by windows defender. Oh and we updated your bios to allow only windows bootloader. You're welcome."

Management : "How long you think it would take?"

Me : "now this is a rough estimate, but I think building the back-end and database alone could take 6-months minimum"

Management : "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS"

me : "its a big proj..."

Management : "I thought it will be something like 10 days, already told the client it can be done"

me : "but we are not ready"

Management : "how are we not ready? we already have the virtual 3D shop, and we can use this ready-to-deploy eCommerce service as our data base "
... "you need to figure this out, this is not acceptable" he continued

* 2 Days Later -talking to my direct boss *
Boss : "since you don't know how to do it..."

me : "what ? I didn't say I can't do it, all I said it will take six months"

Boss : "yeah yeah, anyway there is this studio, a professional polish studio, we called them and they can do it, we will sign a contract with them, this will let you focus on the front-end. good?"

me : "well alright then"

Boss : "please write a doc, explaining everything needed from the backend"
-to me that was the end of it, took a long time to tell me they made the deal-

* 5 Months later *
- "Abdu, can you come here for a minute..."
- "yes boss?"
- "the document we asked you to do for the Polish studio, did you specify that we needed an integration with the API we are using for eCommerce?"

scared to death I answered : "why of course I did!"
I ran to my PC to check it out because I didn't know, I forgot because no one even comment on my doc. I check it out, and it was clearly explained... I got relaxed...

turns out they didn't even do what we asked them for. took them 5 months, and with no communication whatsoever. all their work was useless to us. complete dump waste.

----------------
never mentioned this until a year later... in a heat of moment when they were asking me to make an impossible task with no men and no time... I reminded them of this story... management didn't like it. but it was the truth. they didnt push this crazily this time

Git.

The smallest utility made its way to being the largest companies must-have, the most critical part of the whole development landscape.

Using just plain C, Git can shred huge amounts of data insanely fast. It never gets old.

Git is a developer's scalpel.

Not again..

Well, fuck. The CTO of our startup decided to migrate data of our hundred thousand customers from a stable functioning platform to an in-house unstable platform with severe performance issues, to "save" costs, despite our repeated requests. He made us not have any contingency plans because he wanted to "motivate" us to complete the migration.

Result- we have a thousand customers reporting major issues daily, which is causing loss of revenue to both us and them. The company ran out of funding. Most of the team members were fired. And he's expecting the rest of us to magically fix everything. Dunno what kind of office politics is this, in which you're sabotaging Your Own company.

Looking for a new job now to get out of this hellhole. I really used to love this company. Feels sad to see it ruined like this.

I never really used Git or any Source Control before but today I decided yo give it a shot.
IT'S FUCKING AMAZING!!
I fucking love branches!!! I have to change the way an app stores configurations and git makes it incrediblyyy easy without risking fucking up everything in production

Really disgusting

Fucking “Hello World”

Yet another someone just contacted me about having a "great idea for an app".

That's a justified rant all by itself.

Understanding Bitcoin

Every developer's nightmare

At a IBM workshop, these guys are using internet explorer.

Recruiter: Why makes you leave a company?

Me: When the company don't appreciate their employees, when I have to develop a small system for them and they never use it. when they try to give me the calm down needle.

Recruiter: what is the calm down needle?

Me: It's when I come with an issue i am facing and you tell me you will fix it, and promise me its gonna happen and never do it.

Recruiter: Silence....

Me: "Keep Talking" When you promise some employee and you are not able to deliver your promise .. well, Its just better if you didn't promise him!

Recruiter: Ok, "next question"

Damn I feel like I was so mad and my answer were straight forward with no bullshit. I think I scared her.

To all the people giving advice in my previous rant (https://devrant.com/rants/1627035/...), thanks!

I've spent a weekend running high and naked through the forest, and decided to quit my job.

Fuck PHP. Fuck Laravel. Fuck hipster startup companies. Rasmus Lerdorf, Taylor Otwell and my CEO can all go suck each other's cocks in a sloppy mess of saliva, cum and type errors.

I'm so sick of spinach smoothies and weakly typed languages. All active record ORMs are retarded, VueJS is worse than JQuery, Fatal error: Call to a member function iHatePHP() on null. WHY DOES PHP EVEN HAVE METAPROGAMMING METHODS, WHY THE FUCK DOES LARAVEL CHOOSE EASY OVER SAFE.

I'm going to use my heavily abused Macbook to surf out of this mess, on a collapsing wave of unresolved bugs.

On to the next PHP/Laravel job at a hipster startup!

But wait!! It's great idea!!

Will be going through Poland, Germany, France, Holland. Pic related. Shout out to all our Europe friends on devRant!