Slow, slow hands,
Kinda swept your banana in to the laundry.

My daughter: "why don't you want to do a pinkie promise?"

Me: "because promises have been supported natively for like ten years now."

For some reason, I feel very fortunate that neither my teacher nor my spouse has ever shoved me in the face whilst disembarking an aircraft.

I feel kind of bad that my cicd workflow sees that message about "{n} packages are looking for funding, run `npm fund` for details" hundreds of times and completely ignores it.

Should I have it run npm fund occasionally just to be nice?

Half a yard of UKX.

Sounds good? Well it's better than a kick in the testicles but nowhere near as good as it sounds.

I wish I knew how to sell things to people. I mean, it's intellectually bankrupt, but you could use the money for stuff that's not.

Of course, if I was the sort of person who knows how to sell things to people, then I wouldn't care about things being intellectually bankrupt, so I'd probably use the money for coke.

No.

From now on, your phone might connect to the car when you get in, but will randomly disconnect after a few minutes. Your headset will connect to your laptop but the mic won't work. Your other headset will connect but the sound will cut out for half a second every few minutes.

Why? You ask. It all worked fine a week ago.

Because Bluetooth. Also because fuck you.

Fuck you, Bluetooth. Right in the fucking mouth.

The Bloch sphere is basically a haggis.

The two crimped-off ends are |0> and |1>, and as you move along the tube the probability it collapses to moves from 0 to 1. Where you are around the circumference of the haggis determines the phase.

The stuff inside the haggis doesn't represent anything in particular, and that doesn't matter because I have eaten it.

The AI assistant in Chrome dev tools is a retard.

Step away from the computer...

You ever instinctively hit Ctrl+D during a teams chat with someone?

There's a frog on the bump on the branch on the log in the hole in the bottom of the sea.

How did they manage to make OneDrive such a steaming, heaving, suppurating pile of pigshit?

What the actual fuck is this?

And you're meant to hang it on your Christmas tree?

What is wrong with people?

WordPress, even though you presumably don't have any physical form, I am going to find you.

And when I find you I am going to shove all of these vegetables up your ringpiece, one by one.

Bloody couscous gets everywhere.

Oh for fuck's sake.

delete from FooTable where FooID in (select FooID from OtherTable)

If there is no field called FooID in OtherTable, then the bracketed select is just the FooID of the current record in FooTable, repeated n times where there are n rows in OtherTable. So it matches every record.

Which makes perfect sense, but for fuck's sake.

Obviously if this was prod I would have been using fully-qualified column names.

But nevertheless, for fuck's sake.

Emailed a few recruiters last week. More or less immediately started getting a load of casino spam.

Clearly this is just a coincidence and that reputation for being a sleazy bunch of pimps is entirely undeserved.

Screw you, NuGet.

Never put an optimist in charge of the money.

Ideally they shouldn't be in charge of anything, but especially not the money.

forced, unnatural clamminess

The LAMBDA worksheet function in Excel is fucking disgusting.

It's that time of year again.

I've probably suggested this before, but people who introduce arbitrary factors of 100 into calculations for no good reason should have their genitals removed with a wooden spoon.

And if they don't make it clear that they've introduced a factor of 100, then the removed genitals should be pyrotechnically reinserted into them.

This is getting really confusing now. How many people are left on here who aren't robots?

Chicken McNuggets are rank.

If someone still uses the word "surfing" in relation to the internet, what would you infer about them?

Meanwhile in Wales:

https://theguardian.com/uk-news/...

Just sat through a demo of some clicky-draggy data visualisation stuff.

The guy showed us how you can write a custom script that takes a user input and pokes it into a sql command using string concatenation, so a very obvious injection vulnerability.

Ok, so it's only a demo. But you wouldn't do a demo with an example user called Captain Cock, so why do a demo with a screamingly obvious security hole?

Whole thing was basically pivot tables in a short skirt anyway.

So I've been pondering for a while now: is async/await a load of bollocks, or am I just stupid?

I'm gradually coming to the conclusion that it's probably both.