It's blind, musically gifted and starts at zero?

Array Charles

[Charles,Charles,Charles]

So I work for a store that sells audio and video equipment. My boss asked me to find old stock that is in our system but not on our site.

We have an event at one of our stores in a week. I made a simple quiz - where people can fill out there email and win... something.

So going through the old stock we found something random, and my boss had the "great" idea to use that as the price for the quiz.

Guess what it is...

nah you won't

ITS A FUCKING TEAPOT.... I AM NOT KIDDING YOU - our audio video store is giving away a teapot as a price!?!?

!dev

So a colleage of mine died a little more then a month ago. His brother in law who also works at the company, and has known him for 20 something years (as long as he has worked for the company), had a really hard time dealing with that. My colleage was sick/hospitalized and in and out of coma for half a year+ so this was the apex of an emotional rollercoaster. When my colleage died he was not in a state to work. He actually went to a physisian and now he's seeing a shrink.

He took one week of to deal with everything, including his own mental well being, and you know what the human thing was my employers did. Subtract that week from his vacation days without telling him.

WOW, just fucking wow... I mean - yeah it's sort of legal to do that, but seriously

if false? if false what? (false is just not defined, but this is the sort of shit I come across in the twig-theme-saas world, makes me angry)

My boss does this management by neglect thing - he is hardly in the office and mostly communicates in slack. Today it got really vague and ambiguous.

So - when 4 people don't understand your slack message - the obvious conclusion is that you hired 4 morons...

Fulfillment company: the order you put in our system is wrong, the hours we needed to correct this will be charged to you (Red: or rather my employer)

Me: *Checks logs and our server - finds out the order was made in their own webform/webapp*

Me: hey how come I can put in values in your webform that should not pass sanity checks, thats weird (in this case it was a product w/ a quantity of 0)

Fulfillment company: we don't do sanity checks or validation, we just find out when shit crashes and burns, nothing weird about that

Me: WTF

So my manager (a 29 y/o, who hardly can use a mac) walks towards me with a hint of panic in his eyes.

Manager: Hey commander keen, do you know how to use vertical look up in excel, I've tried, and looked at tutorials.

Me: yeah I really don't know excel (and not willing to learn, especially on the fly), I don't even have excel installed, I can write I script that does what you want.

Manager: No you have enough on your plate

3 hours later

Manager: hey I still can't figure it out, could you solve it with a script, won't that take to long

Me: no send me the files, Ill do it with a script.

I start writing 2 for loops and wait for the file, 10 ish minutes later its basicly done, just need to put in the column indexes.

I send a message on both slack channels (hey are you going to email or slack me the file)

After a hour I walk to his desk and again ask him for the file.

Manager a good 2 hours later on slack: Hey I just send you the file, I hope its not to much work, it has to happen asap.

So if you have kids, and they are not that bright by some kind of birth defect, don't worry, they can always become a manager.

But you can't get me down today. I hit 2000 upvotes and the employer is unknowingly a proud sponsor for reading and writing all these rants and comments :-) thnx devrant

If you make themes in twig for a saas platform, for the love of god, learn twig. Learn to use partials and macro's for fucks sake.

Instead of building a good and maintainable theme I'm spending my time doing these "quick wins" that are horrible to implement. The whole thing is build up like that Escher staircase painting.

I like how (almost) everybody is positive about the layout/design change here, whenever any site changes even the slightest all my non-tech-friends lose their shit because normal people can't handle change.

It's a great start of the week when your general manager asks you to get in to touch with a guy to ask about their return merchandise authorization system. And when I reply, sure, what would you like me to accomplish. You get the reply, I don't know, don't bother me with the technical details, they told me it should be super easy.

I don't know what 'it' is, but I'm happy that the man who can hardly use his macbook says its super easy.

Most succesful project was around this time last year.

A scary club of privacy haters made a 'webapp' to advise people what to vote for in the national elections.

The tool was really bad in multiple ways. For instance, if two parties would score the same amount of points, one would, at random take second place without conveying this to the user.

Oh and it also collected all the data people entered "for scientific purposes". A very sketchy practice, a non profit, funded by the government and George Soros (I kid you not, illuminatie confirmed ;) ).

The tool had this disclaimer on the bottom, saying this webapp needs cookies to function. So that triggered me to make a copy of the tool that works better and ... offline, and without cookies. You could download a html file and turn of your wifi (for the paranoid ppl among us), use the tool, delete the file. No trace.

It was a little bit of tung and cheek project, a gimick, the original was called stemwijzer, mine was called offline stemwijzer.

It was a one day build and a day after launching I got a call of the original stemwijzer project leader. Demanding to take the thing offline for infringing copyright (yeah sort of was). I tried to explain him why I made this and why privacy for such things should be held in high regard. He basicly told me I was talking shit and did not want to discuss, I told him I don't take stuff offline because of phone calls. I told him to email me a seist and desist.

So that guy prolly had a stressful day (because of the launch of his tool), had a few glasses of wine, and wrote an email. He wrote me I was a pathtic kid and I should do more useful stuff. He wrote that anyone could program a tool like that. And he wrote me I should do him a favour not share this email with my measly amount of twitter followers. Super professional email.

So I did him that favour, I did not share it with my twitter followers, I shared it with one of the largest political blogs in the country.

My tool sort of took of after that. To stop infringing copy right I changed the name and I removed their content from the script and wrote instructions on how to copy and paste in the json content yourself and "make your own tool".

The response was great, people actually emailed me job offers and I think that the current job I have is due to the succes of said project. So be balsy, challenge giants, start riots, it will get you places.

coffee machines (yes both) broke, I changed my slack tagline to "Coffee is a basic human right"

My manager is apperently turning down applicants for the position of front end developer (the job I applied for, they made me backend developer). I just sit here wondering what he bases that decision of since the man can hardly use a computer. Job posting has been online for almost 10 months now.

But yeah, I'd rather have no collegae then an incompetent one. I also suspect they just posted the opening to keep me from taking vacation days.

shower thought (although not in the shower). Did we as an industry suck so bad at matching skills to companies that we created a whole market for assholes to make money as the middle man (recruiters)?

Whenever my boss pitches an idea to me I close my eyes and try to make an this-is-a-really-complex-problem face like I am a sort of rainman or something, while I am actually thinking, wow this is stupid

My boss telling me not to worry and be more confident, after pointing out that not updating bad ad hoc code is not a long term solution, just inspired the confidence in me to tell him to go fuck himself if shit brakes during the weekend and evenings.

This code smells, its like a puzzle that only will get more complicated the more you try to solve it.

- me after plowing my keyboard for a week writing subpar ad hoc code

When the manager wants something, it's discussed and agreed upon by the entire team, it's implemented and 2 days later the boss tells you to take it down and that stuff shouldn't be implemented without discussing it with him. And the manager just stands there in silence fully knowing it was his idea. Be or don't be the manager I don't care, but pick one.

Okey, so the recruiters are getting smarter, I just clicked how well do you know WordPress quiz (I know it's from a recruiter, already entered a php quiz An might win a drone)

So the question is how to solve this issue:

Fatal error: Allowed memory size of 33554432 bytes exhausted (tried to allocate 2348617 bytes) in /home4/xxx/public_html/wp-includes/plugin.php on line xxx

A set memory limit to 256
B set memory limit to Max
C set memory limit to 256 in htaccess
D restart server

These all seem like bad answers to me.

I vote E don't use the plug-in, or the answer that trumps the rest, F don't use WordPress

Helpdesk: We can't figure out our own ambigious error message, you should solve it in another way...

Me: I see in the console that I get an execption response with an ID, you must be logging these exceptions, can't you check those?

Me thinking: you've just reduced yourself to desk without the help part

"Why am I a horrible person for following standard linting and thus not using semicolon in my JavaScript code?"

Next rant

"Sometimes I think people who don't use semicola in JavaScript should be shot on the spot."

Lol, love you devrant

Doing some home automation on the cheap w/ a pi and Ikea tradfri, just one more week of painting and putting in floors in my new place and I can start writing this bad boy.

Had to add some affiliate JS with a fallback pixel. Put it between noscript tags since thats what the fallback is meant for.

Affiliate Guy: did you implement the fallback?
Me: Did you turn of javascript?
AG: I've just talked to our developers, they say we can't turn of javascript or something
Me: <headdesk>

Are these people retarded

API documentation in pdf seems like a sure way to spread out dated info about your API.

(a, b, c, d, e, f)

Don't name your arguments like this

That one time a recruiter called me for a job and I had 2 meetings and was asked to ballpark a figure and the recruiter got angry and threatend to sue me but the company hired me anyway and we cut out the recruiter. Sadly, the job sucked and I quit after 3 months. So many life lessons tho...

Why do these e-marketing companies always have some kind of manager/consultant/strategist/marketeer/whatever to handle emails between me and their devs. Instead of emailing with another technical person and quickly fixing the problem I end up sending one billion emails to someone who has no clue on what needs to be done to fix te problem. From now on my emails contains a part called "to your developer:" explaining the technical part of the email.

And no - I don't want to plan a conference call... just let me code dammit!

So, just started my new job (stoked btw). At the last interview - boss: what kind of OS do you work on?
Me: I'm a simple guy who uses windows and notepad++

First day at work - get a brand spankin' new macbook and endure the most unproductive day ever...

Just updated the app to use the avatar builder, now I have a goal in life, get enough upvotes so I can get my avatar some slippers, I love coding in slippers or bare feet

Whenever I Google Ajax it gives me search results related to the Amsterdam soccer team called ajax. I mean really Google, I search for webdev related stuff all day and you give me this...