Details
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SkillsJS, c#
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Locationgermany
Joined devRant on 9/10/2016
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Reviewed the code of one of my employees and found that comment: Todo: Improve this if thomas complains.5
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Senior IT engineer enters the room and quietly talks to a coworker about a job related issue.
Another coworker decided to troll the sysadmin.
CW: *yells* "Open a ticket!" (That's the sysadmin's regular reply)
IT: *ignores*
CW: *trying to get his attention* "Open a ticket first! Then come back"
IT: *gives him the stare of death*
CW: "Go away and open a ticket!"
IT: *silently leaves the room*
After no more than a minute CW gets a reject from all networks outside the company's VPN.
IT comes back into the room, get's intimately close to CW's ear and says "Now open a ticket".
👋
🎤9 -
Prof: Okay guys, i need a flash drive to put a copy of your next project.
Me: *pulls out a flash drive and sho-..*
Prof: except you, I dont trust you.36 -
I did a fucking scientific study about fucking rants and found a fucking high correlation between the usage of "fuck" and the number of fucking upvotes.17
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GF: What are you doing there?
Dev: I've been trying to reproduce a bug for two hours now...
GF: You need two bugs the opposite sex, otherwise they won't reproduce.
From a sad true story.8 -
Things I've learned throughout my 5 - 6 years as a programmer.
- StackOverflow is full of assholes.
- CMS's are for weaklings.
- The best feeling about waking up in the morning is figuring out how to solve that error in your code.
- You no longer think about normal people things. Your mind is full of code.
- You're practically a computer.
- ALWAYS backup and save your stuff or you WILL regret it. Enable autosave if possible.
- RIP your social life (if your friends don't know squat about programming)
- Darkness is better.
- Being a programmer is amazing.26 -
Sit down before you read this.
So I interviewed a guy for a "Support Engineer" internship position.
Me and the team lead sit down and are waiting for him to enter, but apparently he's actually making a coffee in the kitchen.
This isn't exactly a strike since the receptionist told him that he can go get a drink, and we did too. It's just always expected for him to get a glass of water, not waste 3 minutes brewing a coffee.
In any case he comes in, puts the coffee on the table, then his phone, then his wallet, then his keys and then sits on our side of the table.
I ask him to sit in front of us so we can see him. He takes a minute to pack and tranfer himself to the other side of the table. He again places all of the objects on the table.
We begin, team lead tells him about the company. Then I ask him whether he got any questions regarding the job, the team or the company . For the next 15 minutes he bombards us with mostly irrelevant and sometimes inappropriate questions, like:
0: Can I choose my own nickname when getting an email address?
1: Does the entire department get same salaries?
2: Are there yoga classes on Sundays only or every morning?
3: Will I get a car?
4: Does the firm support workspace equality? How many chicks are in the team?
5: I want the newest grey Mac.
And then.. Then the questions turn into demands:
6: I need a high salary (asks for 2.5 more than the job pays. Which is still a lot).
I ask him why would he get that at his first job in the industry (remind you, this is an internship and we are a relatively high paying company).
He says he's getting paid more at his current job.
His CV lists no current job and only indicates that he just finished studying.
He says that he's working at his parent's business...
Next he says that he is very talented and has to be promoted very quickly and that we need to teach him a lot and finance his courses.
At this point me and the team lead were barely holding our laughs.
The team lead asks him about his English (English is not our native language).
He replies "It's good, trust me".
Team lead invites him for an English conversation. Team lead acts like a customer with a broken internet and the guy is there to troubleshoot. (btw that's not job related, just a simple scenario)
TL: "Hello, my name is Andrew, I'm calli..."
Guy: *interrupts* "Yes, yes, hi! Hi! What do you want?"
TL: "Well, if you let me fi..."
Guy: "Ok! Talk!"
TL: "...inish... My internet is not working."
Guy: "Ok, *mimics tuning a V engine or cooking a soup* I fixed! *points at TL* now you say 'yes you fixed'".
Important to note that his English was horrible. Disregarding the accent he just genuinely does not know the language well.
Then he continiues with "See? Good English. Told you no need to check!".
After about half a minute of choking on out silent laughter I ask him how much Python experience he has (job lists a requirement of at least 1 year).
He replies "I'm very good at object oriented functional programming".
I ask again "But what is your experience? Did you ever take any courses? Do you have a git repository to show? Any side.."
*he interrupts again* "I only use Matlab!".
Team lead stands up and proceeds to shake his hand while saying "we will get back to you".
At last the guy says with a stupid smile on his face "You better hire me! Call me back tomorrow." Leaves TL hanging and walks away after packing his stuff into the pockets.
I was so shocked that I wasn't even angry.
We both laughed for the rest of the day though. It was probably the weirdest interview I took part at.35 -
"Don't use git, it is too complicated and we don't have time for this."
2 days later the same person made changes directly on the FTP which I later unknowingly overwrote.
Take that you imbecile!13 -
To all you devs still wet behind the ears ranting about css - you have no clue just how good you have it.
Most designs used to be table based (table-ception) and to give something a border with round corners or a "drop shadow" you would literally create a table to hold you content with an border of cells containing a background image of a corner / border.
Now you use border-radius or box-shadow as a 1 liner. Stop bitching about centering things and figure out how to hack it like we did.
If you remember this whats your least missed 20th century hack?15 -
“That regex almost worked, lemme just tweak it a bit–”
*2 hours later*
“Fuck it we’re processing strings character by character with a while loop like granddad did.”5 -
Me: nodejs, how to iterate through a folder
Quora: let me tell you a story , when me and my fath.....
Stackoverflow: -1, please refer to guidelines
Yahoo answer: type command "rm -rf *"
Omegle: m 26 india ....
Cleverbot: const fs = require('fs')
const path = require('path')
function getDirectories (srcpath) {
return fs.readdirSync(srcpath)
.filter(file => fs.lstatSync(path.join(srcpath, file)).isDirectory())
}
then recurrence
me: thx cleverbot11 -
Ok, so, to every pieces of shit out there that got a "revolutionary idea that will change the way we look at things" and who asks you to code it :
Fuck you, you sons of a cunt
No, i won't make your app on 3 different platforms for free, i'll make you pay for every platform you wanker, i'm a freelancer, i need money.
No, making database is not something that a little business cunt like you can handle, you don't even know what sql means
And fuck no, I won't make that shit in 2 weeks just because your peabrain thinks that it'll make mad dosh and that "It MusT bE eAsy to Do!!111", "a dating app but with a twist" won't work you gobeshit
If you want me to work on this shit, you give me money, specs and shit, you handle the rest, if it doesn't make money, it'll be your problem. I'm not your employee you wanker
Fuck y'all4 -
So my actual job is being a nurse at the local hospital, with coding being just a hobby. However, the way some IT–Related things are treated here are just mind-blowing. Here are some examples:
Issue: Printer is not recognized by network anymore due to not being properly plugged in
Solution: Someone has to tell the house technician, if the house technician is currently not available, ask his assistant who only works part time and like twice a week. House technician took the printer (God knows why), came back 2 days later and plugged it back in.
Issue: Printer 1 of 2 on ICU has run out of ink and since all computers default to printer 1, nobody can print.
Solution: Call the house technician, blah blah, house technician comes, takes ink cartridge of printer 2 and puts it into printer 1.
Issue: Public WiFi is broken, can be connected to but internet access is missing. Probably config issue as a result of a recent blackout.
Solution: Buy a new router, spend 5 days configuring it and complain about how hard networking is.
Issue: Computer is broken, needs to be exchanged with a new one, but how do we transfer the data?
Solution: Instead of just keeping the old hard drive, make a 182GB backup, upload it to the main file server and then download it again on the new computer.
Issue: Nurse returns from vacation, forgot the password to her network account.
Solution: Call the technician who then proceeds to open a new account, copies all the files from the old one and tells her to pick an easier password this time. She chooses "121213".12 -
!rant
Just found out that the year 2038 problem fires exactly on my 42nd birthday.
I didn't choose to be developer, it was destiny...5 -
A major bank had a bug in their system that triggered multiple postings of transactions in all of their clients' accounts. When they found out the root cause, they just had to mention that the programmer was a female. Like that was any bearing to the problem. It's not like they have like a whole fucking team of QA testers that should have checked that shit before it went to production.14
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Worst legacy experience is when you go back to a project you were working on when you first started learning. My own code disgusts me the most.2
