Crazy story ...
And it have happened in my company actually

A programmer's wife tells him:
"while you're at the store, get some milk".

He never comes back.

*attempting to flirt at the bar*
Hey! I'm a full stack developer, so I can do your frontend and your backend

The "code":

There ain’t no feeling like replacing 6 lines of code with 6 characters of Regex.

110% correct graph

He does have a point.. 😂😂😂

Theory:
The least experienced developers write code with the higest complexity.

Q: Why do anarchists always use functional programming?

A: Because it has no state.

*bum tiss*

"note that the package name is different from the importable name"

God I hate Python dependency management

buzzword translations:

"cloud" -> someones computer

"big data" -> lots of somewhat irrelevant data

"ai" -> if if if if if if if if if if if if if else

"algorithm" -> something that works but you don't know why

"secure" -> https://

"cyber security" -> kali linux + black hoodie

"innovation" -> adding something completely irrelevant such as making a poop emoji talk

"blockchain" -> we make lots of backups

"privacy" -> we store your data, we just don't tell you about it

My biggest dev sin is not writing any unit tests for devRant :/

Most people.
"Dance like no one is looking"

Me.
"Sudo like you have backups"

Check out this superb website that I made..

http://localhost:8080

As a Dev,
I hate writing Docs.

As a Dev,
I hate it when there's no Docs.

Vicious Cycle.

Just saw a variable in C named like this:

long time_ago; //in a galaxy far away

I laughed no stop.

Let's clarify:
* Github is not Git
* Android is not Java
* Unit test is not TDD
* Java is not OOP
* Docker is not Devops
* Jenkins is not CI
* Agile is not institutionalised total chaos
* Developer is not Printer Support

In Europe, we use € instead of $ in jQuery.

What do you call a party with developers?

A git together

I'm so sorry.

Boss: “Do you think you can work on Saturday? We really need the help.”

Me: “Yes, of course.”

Boss: “Great, thank you.”

Me: “I’ll probably be late, though, as public transport is slow on the weekends.”

Boss: “Okay, when do you think you will be at the office?”

Me: “Monday”.

My girlfriend doesn't talk to me anymore after I said I helped the new girl to do some penetration testing.

Me: 1 is something, 0 is nothing, NULL is the absence of things
JuniorDev: wut
Me: You've got pizza in a box, that's 1. If there's no pizza in the box, that's 0. If there's no pizza and no box, that's NULL.
JuniorDev: OOH so there's no object to reference if I ask for a slice!
Me: *small tear*

Always explain things in terms of pizza. Always.

"Whenever I see a door that says push I pull first to prevent conflicts"

"my app is so awesome you don't even have to close it, it crashes itself automatically. "

Yesterday, my employer promoted me to lead web developer.

I’m still the only web developer.

*Me and my GF who works for CIA*

Me: Send nudes
GF: Whose do you want ?

General advice: If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.

"Are you familiar with uploading your code to Google Drive?"

I left the building at that exact moment.

┓┏┓┏┓┃
┛┗┛┗┛┃＼○／
┓┏┓┏┓┃ / Friday
┛┗┛┗┛┃ノ)
┓┏┓┏┓┃ Deploys
┛┗┛┗┛┃
┓┏┓┏┓┃
┛┗┛┗┛┃
┓┏┓┏┓┃
┃┃┃┃┃┃
┻┻┻┻┻┻

- Knock, knock

- An async function

- Who's there?