Details
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AboutPT Software Engineer with a knack for self deprecating jokes and hating on dumb errors
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SkillsJava, Python, Angular2+, MySQL, C# and .Net
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LocationLisbon, Portugal
Joined devRant on 7/18/2018
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The most famous ranter in devRant (maybe) rants now due to cleaning.
LG Ultrawide 29" monitor
Logitech bluetooth keyboard K380
Logitech wireless mouse B175
Rubber ducky
LG UltraPC laptop (not in pic)
- Intel core i5 7th gen
- 8gb ram
- 256gb ssd + external 1tb hdd
- NVIDIA GeForce 940MX12 -
I love my Nexus 6P but goddamn do I hate its battery. Shuts down randomly at 25%, lasts only half a day, and a lot of other crap. So I want to replace it, bought a new battery from AliExpress but didn't buy any tools for it.. so I'll have to make do with what I currently have. On iFixit I found that the replacement process is apparently quite difficult as it's glued in (God I fucking hate that) and can only be safely removed by heatgunning it (which I don't have a heatgun for). Are the results worth the risk of breaking it? Is it possible to pull it out while cold, without too much risk of breaking stuff or damaging the battery? I've got experience in disassembling 2 previous phones and one of them had the battery glued in as well.. and I didn't break the battery (in fact I'm still using it) but it was very difficult.. and this is my daily driver. So yeah 😶20
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To all the people giving advice in my previous rant (https://devrant.com/rants/1627035/...), thanks!
I've spent a weekend running high and naked through the forest, and decided to quit my job.
Fuck PHP. Fuck Laravel. Fuck hipster startup companies. Rasmus Lerdorf, Taylor Otwell and my CEO can all go suck each other's cocks in a sloppy mess of saliva, cum and type errors.
I'm so sick of spinach smoothies and weakly typed languages. All active record ORMs are retarded, VueJS is worse than JQuery, Fatal error: Call to a member function iHatePHP() on null. WHY DOES PHP EVEN HAVE METAPROGAMMING METHODS, WHY THE FUCK DOES LARAVEL CHOOSE EASY OVER SAFE.
I'm going to use my heavily abused Macbook to surf out of this mess, on a collapsing wave of unresolved bugs.
On to the next PHP/Laravel job at a hipster startup!26 -
CC: StackOverflowjoke/meme am i doing this right? copy and paste it works don't touch it no idea what i'm doing stackoverflow
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Sitting in a dorm, chilling..
My new roommate: So You study Computer Science?
Me: *Here it goes again*
Roommate: Can you fix my HDD? Something is wrong with it..
Me: No...
Roommate: But..
Me: No I study computer SCIENCE! Go ask yout physics professor to fix your fucking trebuchet, because he knows how that stuff works..
Roommate: *Silence*
God... That was my best reply in whole life... Someone should make a shirt of that...23 -
Assembly: He’s the nerd. He speaks very quickly and uses short sentences. Very few people talk to him. He’s considered to be an autist asperger by a majority of the class because he finishes the exams so quickly it’s insane and he faces a lot of difficulties in speaking with others. He’s at school but already dressed like an engineer.
Ada: She’s a foureyes nerd. When she gets the answer she’s doesn’t make any mistake. Ada often corrects the teacher when she writes a line a little ambiguous. She’s building a rocketship in her backyard and she’s always speaking about this weird hobby.
Python: He’s Mr Popular. He likes skate, brags about all the parties he’s invited to. He’s good in all the subjects taught in class but he’ll do them a bit slower than the others. Everyone loves him because he explainsthings so well, sometimes the teacher herself asks Python to explain some part of the course. He’s dressed with a hoodie, a baggy and glasses on the top of the head ;)
Java: She is one of the toppers of the class and very popular. She’s very good in all the topics. The teacher loves her but she’s a very talkative person.
Scala/Kotlin: They are twin sisters and the best friends of Java. Unfortunately, they are not as popular and it’s often Java who takes the lead in the group. It’s very difficult to distinguish one from another. Both are far less talkative than Java but Scala speaks a bit differently than Kotlin and Java.
C: He’s the topper of the class. He’s so fast in completing the exams that the teacher really thinks he’s copying Assembly’s work. He has a little brother C++ and they share a lot in common together. He’s the chess major and often plays chess with Assembly and his big brother.
Go: He’s the new kid on the bloc. He doesn’t like C++ and his friends and he wants to prove he can do better than them. Of course, he prefers playing Go over Chess.
APL: He’s a lonely guy. No one understands him when he speaks. Even the teacher is surprised when APL shows a correct answer after several lines of incomprehensible pictograms. People think that he was born in a foreign country… or a foreign planet ?
HTML/CSS: These twin brothers are very different. One is dressed in black and white and the other is dressed with everything except black and white. HTML is very talkative and annoying and the CSS is very artistic. CSS is the best student in Art lessons and HTML performs well in written expression.
LaTeX: She’s friend of HTML. The teacher likes her because she has a gift of writing. LaTeX likes the mathematical courses because she can draw fancy greek letters. The teacher knows this well and she is often asked to write a formula on the black board.
VBA: He’s in the back, looking through the windows. Not really interested in the courses taught in class. In the exams, he answers always with a table.
C#: He’s in the back playing yet another game on his smartphone. He likes being next to the windows also.
JavaScript: People often mix up Java and JavaScript because they have a similar name. But they are definitly not the same. Javascript spends a lot of time with HTMLand CSS. He’s as artistic as CSS but he prefers things that move. He likes actions and movies. CSS dreams to be a painter wheras JavaScript wants to be a film-maker.
Haskell: He’s a goth. Dressed up in dark. Doesn’t talk to anyone. He doesn’t understand why others write pages when he can write a couple of lines to answer the same question.
Julia: She’s the newest student here. She doesn’t have any friends yet but her secret aim is to be as popular as Python and as fast as C.
Credit: Thomas jalabert4 -
*Moves to another town to start a new job
*Been living in a dorm for the past month
*Starts looking for flats to rent
*Misses a few nice ones because he finds their ads a few hours late
*Starts developing an app that looks for new flat ads that matches his requirements and notifies him of their existence
*Finds a nice flat by accident before he even finish developing the app
*Refuses to rent it only because he believes his app could do better!
Me in a nutshell!4 -
What do you wanna become? / What are you?
1. PHP Developer
2. Python Developer
3. Node.Js Developer
4. JavaScript Developer
5. Java Developer
6. Android Developer
7. Other (please mention in comment)65 -
Wish me luck guys I think this is it. I'm going to be financially set for real this time woohoo! Big thanks to my man billy6
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The hardest part of programming is not the inner workings of the chosen frameworks and tech.
It's the damn naming.
I will spend hours trying to figure out what to name things for sense and clarity and then a fraction of that time coding it together.
*me, staring out the window*
"Hey dude can you--"
"Ssshhh. I'm naming things."15 -
Had to do a course on database design a couple of years ago. One exercise was about SQL queries and a bit of theory of databases.
On the night of the submission I got so drunk that I had to use both hands to control the mouse and instead of my solution I uploaded the exercise description.4 -
Go to Denver with a friend for an Iron Maiden concert. I try edibles for the first time, which of course means take way too much. Hallucinate that lead singer is an arm flailing inflatable tube Man. I have a pretty good time. Walk back to the motel at midnight and have to launch a client's website from stage to production on the slow Motel Wi-Fi. I'm ready to pass out at this point, but I got my laptop, and I got my VPN running. So I spend the next 6 hours moving the site from one server to another while occasionally passing out for 20 to 30 minutes at a time.
One of the best road trips of my life. Five stars would do again.2 -
Me: intern in XYZ company
Boss: boss of XYZ
Boss: Why are you taking so much time in developing a simple webpage.
Me: *explains because you asked for so much bullshit to include**
Boss: I can develop it in half an hour.
Me: *-_-*
Boss: I developed a website in PowerPoint when I was intern.
Me: In PowerPoint? How?... Really..?
Boss: Ya, that's the type of skills I have. You're so lazy, you take so much time to make a simple webpage.
Me: -_-22 -
This fucking customer...
I've told that person so many times that they need to FIX THEIR CODE, because it get's pwned all the time.
To make stuff worse - they are still using Debian 5, and we are unable to upgrade because all their shit will break.
I found his fix today - he installed an old version of NGINX because it is "better".
No fuck you.10 -
Person aureliagbrl = new Person ("Aurelia Gabriele", 18);
aureliagbrl.birthday();
/*
Happy Birthday to my fiance, my dev partner, my everything ! i hope your life will be happier, getting smarter, and more mature. I love you and i wish you always be all the best. -> @aureliagbrl
*/10 -
Worst:
One fine Friday night in early '97 while drinking with my buddies I got a page from work. Called the office to understand what the problem is.
*shit I can't fix this over the phone, and buddy here doesn't have a PC so I can't dial-in via PCAnywhere*
Told told the users "Ok I'll be there in an hour and a half. Stop all the running jobs and start the backup"
*figures I still have 1hr to spare so continues to down fair amounts of O-be-joyful with buddies then hailed a cab to office*
I arrived in office 1.5hrs later (2am) exactly as I predicted and went straight to work. Initial checks confirmed my suspicion of the issue so I wrote the appropriate SQL to get started:
'drop table foobar'
***The specified table (foobar) is not in the database***
I looked at foobar and figured out immediately why I got the error, then corrected the SQL and ran again:
'drop database foobar'
***Database dropped***
*What the FUCK!!! You fucking drunk!!! What did you fucking do? What if I disappear to another country, work as a waiter or something*
After a few moments of panic and a good deal of 'What ifs' I calmed down, looked to the users and made up some bullshit "Some of the indexes are corrupted, we need to restore from the backup"
Best:
I wrote most of my '94 midterm project during weekends where me and my buddies were drunk
https://devrant.com/rants/783197/...2 -
When a girl joins your team as an Engineer and unleashes her badass coding skills, you look her up on the internet and notice she has 500k+ followers and is a former idol/singer. What do you do?42