After 4 beers, PHP made sense.

Your vision just got blurry to the point where you couldn't see the inconsistencies in the parameters and you couldn't read anymore so the inconsistencies in the cases didn't matter

Only four?

I think 4 was my "make shit up and it should work" threshold.

To be clear, it isn't that I got PHP to work, it was at that point that it didn't seem to matter if it worked or not (which turns out to be the only real issue with PHP). Once you just accept that you're typing broken code that makes no sense you understand how all those examples you found online were written.

What else was in the beer? Ayahuasca?