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There is more comments in my code . Than actual code !

How I feel my life would be.

Broke production today. Gut wrenching feeling 😫

How do people drink coffe black? It feels like my gut will stage a mutiny on me.

What kind of software you guys use for internal documentation? Currently we use Dropbox paper but I'm having doubts about it and I'd like to hear some suggestions.
It must support markdown (syntax highlighting would be nice) and I'd like it to be cloud hosted and free or at least cheap :)

I'm not explicitly looking for an alternative but should an awesome suggestion appear I'd switch over.

happy valentines...

Boss: "Could you join the new DevOps team for a week or two, for some coaching?"

Me: "I'd rather watch you masturbate furiously in a corner of the office while you cry over your ex boyfriend"

Boss: "Yeah... that's why I ask you. You are the only one brave enough to watch"

Me: *Sigh* "But I don't know shit about what DevOps does, I'm a DBA. I've told you the difference a million times. Can't we just douse it in gasoline and set it on fire?"

Boss: "What?"

Me: "Not the team, the servers..."

Boss, imitating Gimli: "And my ex!"

Me: "I get why he left you"

Boss: "It's funny, he was actually better with computers than me, maybe even better than you. He hated me for starting this company, told me I was just chasing money instead of ideals. He just isn't grown up enough to see that there is more to the world than computer games, brewing beer, maker festivals and gay bars, that you need to take responsibility... Maybe it just never works out between managers and geeks..."

Me: "Indeed. The difference in competence is too large"

Boss: "Ugh. You are like straight version of him... but will you at least take a look?"

Me: "Fine, unzip your pants..."

Boss: "No, not that... you need to teach DevOps this docking thing, with the parallel stuff, and the horizontal growth"

Me: "Damn I really hope we're talking about servers now... Do you mean Docker?"

Boss: "That's it. They want to learn how to dock on the Windows servers. They reserved two 4xlarge on AWS. Is that enough for docking?"

Me: ...

Me: ...

Me: "You know what. I'm going back to hug my DB designs, and wash my brain with some queries. Then I'll return here to burn everything to the ground. There is no hope for you left"

Boss: "That's what he said"

Me: "You're using that meme wrong"

Boss: "OK. So what if you just stay on DB management, and I'll just give you the budget to recruit a new DevOps lead and pay for training?"

Me: "That would work"

Boss: "Why are you grinning?"

Me: "Because I have your ex's phone number"

That moment when you thought you've fortified yourself with enough RAM for the future (32GB) and Blender fails to work with a large project because...it runs out of memory (just in the loading phase, building them intermediate data structures pushes it over the edge I guess).

Fml.

It was kind of fascinating to watch the memory usage indicator creep up though. Morbid fascination.

Why are you running?

Regular expressions is like a condom, it's safe, combat tested and works most of the time.
But if you use it too much it gets dirty quickly.

Today I got the order to block all ports needed for LOL at a school. Even if its just LOL, is still violates everything I stand for. Lets hope that the children know what VPN is

Keyboard cleaning time. Its nasty what kind of stuff you find there after a long time. :s

This 404 page

https://anilist.co/404

I’m a very logical person (INTP), so that’s probably why I like coding, and it definitely affects my relationships. I’m not very emotional, and that’s an issue when your partner demands you to be. When I’m down I make a plan in my head how I’ll deal with that issue and that lifts me back up. But there are people who simply need to be lied to telling them things will be just okay. So, yeah. I need to find girls who are also logical at least to some extent.

My GF is also a programmer. But we rarely talk about coding stuff.

Everything is fine with just one problem.

When I have a good focus on whatever I'm doing, I have trouble giving attention to other things and people around me. When doing Programming especially.

So I often feel bad that I couldn't give her enough care and time.

My wife is a (semi-)pro gamer, so the only way it affects our dating is that I have to help her write LUA addons, performance analytics and Twitch bots.

Story of coding affecting my dating?
Well whenever I start a new language, I always find myself having difficulties with time and date structure-
Wait, that's not the subject? ... oh the other kind of "date". Well, not finding difficulties for something I'm not looking forward to lol

Bold of you to assume I ever had a date.

Spot on

Worst Person you Interviewed?

I interview many developers at my company. Today, I interviewed someone who seemed fairly qualified. Then I spotted a large gap I his resume. When I enquirer about the gap, he disclosed that he had served prison time for pedophilia. He further disclosed that as a condition of his release, he had to be supervised when using a computer.

As we are a gov/medical company, we are not allowed to hire people with a criminal record. He begged me but I told him that it was again company policy. I felt sorry for him not finding any work and being forced to beg, but I also had a knot in my stomach over the details his crime that he elaborated on.

Anyway, he scored 0 out of 10 on my interview scale.

Right after him, I interviewed another developer who seemed great on paper but when I proved further, he didn’t know jack about JavaScript, despite his resume show him to be a “jQuery expert”!

So, I asked him what he does in his spare time and how me keeps his development skill/knowledge up to date. He said:

“...no, I don’t study this shit in my spare time... I’m not a facking need!!!”

I stopped the interview right there. I might sware here on DV, but it my office I keep it civil & professional. So I certainly do not appreciate it when a diaper wearing, snotty nosed, junior wanker swares in my offices to merely protect his willful ignorance and shows pathetic pride instead of humility. That interview comes to an end immediately!

The pedo got a 0 out of 10, but this brat scored a -5 out of 10!!!

I have so many interview stories I could tell you...

#fml

https://bleepingcomputer.com/news/...

Fuck brave. Need to find another browser

Didn't really have one to speak of. The first time a girl showed any interest in me, I asked her to marry me, and she said yes. That was 34 years ago, and we're still good.😁

Just sitting here in class, when all the sudden my profs code shows up in the schools hall for no apparent reason....

I just heard someone dry-heave somewhere here in the office.

I am a perfectionist (or am I suffering from asperger)

I dont date

I code

Hard

Gets run over by truck. Laptop in peaces. Insurrance needed to be sure it was actually broken. Sends laptop to a repair center. They tell me its broken. Repair center asks if I want my laptop back. I said: yes pls. Get laptop back. RAM stolen SSD stolen. Reee! They forgot to send it back..... I mean, you did not have to take out those parts to see it i broken.

The person sitting next to me in scrum is literally eating honey roasted peanuts out of a cereal bowl with a spoon

When the new guy on the team uses click bait titles on his PRs... that’s when you realise this guys going to go far.