A reason to be single 😂

Me : So how's the deadlines here?
Coworker : There are none.
Me : ?
Coworker : if they are unrealistic, we push non-working code. Prod comes up with bugs, and we get a new sprint to resolve those bugs.
Me: ╰[ ⁰﹏⁰ ]╯

Ripped through the letter in excitement while opening the parcel :(
Anyway, great stress ball! Let's hope it works

Using Base64 "encryption" to store credit card numbers and passwords

My wife came home from her baby shower with this onesie. It made me so happy.

The professor teaching my Web Applications course (which is taught in PHP) just admitted to learning PHP two weeks before the course started 🤦🏻‍♂️

Why am I always most productive right before end of work day? :/

A lot of Project managers are idiots.
Here is what happened: I am a backend developer and was asked to replace some images on some website (not even sure this is supposed to be a backend task). So i did, changes went through review and then they were live.
A few hours later they come to me saying i made a mistake because the image has wrong color tone in one of the browsers (internally facepalming myself)... I didn't design the images nor made any changes to them... I just fucking uploaded the files that were sent to me... That's fucking it.
They blamed me for a design issue and how I should've noticed this issue blah blah blah... And i had to spend an entire fucking hour to explain to them step by step what i did, how i did it and why the color tone was wrong even though i am not a designer and my main tool is VISUAL FUCKING STUDIO AND NOT PHOTOSHOP.

The shit part is that the images were sent to us by the client, so really, it is their fucking fault not mine.
Oh, and they tried to guilt me by saying the client won't pay for this since the images are wrong.

Lost an hour to this bullshit.

Java is the closest thing we have to hell

I delivered a small C# program long time ago.
Unit tests, integrations tests, functional tests, all passing (users even happy).

Colleague of mine approached me.

C: "I finally fixed the program"
M: "Which program?"
C: "Product X"
M: "What was wrong with it?"
C: "Nothing, but now it runs on Python"
M: "..."
C: "Yeah, we lost a few features, but it's Python!"
M: "Aren't you busy with other things?"
C: "That can wait"
M: "..."
M: "..."

So our public transportation company started to sell tickets online with their brand new fancy​ system.

• You can buy tickets and passes for the price you want
• Passwords are in plaintext
• Communication is through HTTP
• Login state are checked before the password match so you can basically view who is online
• Email password reminders security code can be read from servers response

Oh and I almost forgot admin credentials are FUCKING admin/admin

Who in the fucking name of all gods can commit such idiocracy with a system that would be used by almost millions of people. I hope you will burn in programming hell. Or even worse...

I'm glad I'm having a car and don't have to use that security black hole.

Me and my wife are software engineers
Started dating while doing a project together
I guess you could say that we...
MERGED WITHOUT CONFLICTS

lync.exe

I never thought I say that Microsoft is by far the most innovative tech company right now!

Just installed VS for Mac and only one word can express my feeling:
Wow!
I feel really inspired to try learn .NET

I want to marry C#

Seriously, I've never found any other programming language I enjoy the hell out of using quite like C#. If I could, I'd write my game engine in C# instead of C++

Overheard in a Microsoft DevCamp:

A: I got Bad Request on this page
B: Use the Edge browser
A: OK. It works now

Android app update available! I wonder what they've changed? 🤔

Changelog: "We improved the app and made it better."

Well thanks. 🖕

My face when a developer suggests to use Windows server instead of Linux for speed and security reasons

JavaScript:

> "5" - 2
3

> "5" + 2
"52"

Enjoy coercion.

The horror that is nowadays called "Skype for business"

Fake bug fix

Girlfriend thinks the only reason I feel her breasts is because I don't have a DevRant stress ball 🙈🤔🤓

Chatting on Slack with a junior dev:

[Junior Dev] How do I get that file from the server ?
[Me] ssh into it and then use scp

I see Junior across the room, literally saying "shshh..." at the computer.

Packed my stuff and quit that day.

True story.

Got a job with EA
Went down like this during the interview

Hiring Manager: your second part of your resume seems to be missing?
Me: second part is $20
Hiring Manager: Welcome on board

Guys on CodePen are making battling Pikachus out of pure CSS and I'm just sitting here trying to get my navbar straight.

Being in an office where men actually listen to my ideas and don't try to talk over me? 🤔😍 It feels just like devRant

Windows 10 Rant:
Windows 10 has so many frustrating issues. Most recent being when my computer, if the PC goes into sleep mode, or sits unused for 40 ish minute period of time (screen still on), when I return; awake the computer from sleep or sit back after being away, the WiFi stops working. Turning WiFi on and off again doesn't fix it, only way is to restart the device, which is damn annoying if you have multiple windows, chrome tabs, or programs running. Having to open and set everything back up is a complete pain.
I must point out, this issue only started happening when my device (auto) updated itself to the Anniversary build of W10.
Thanks Microsoft.

How Microsoft devs think about Linux 😁.

This was found inside the index.html of Visual Studio Code editor.