My wife just guessed the wifi password at a cafe.

Can you fall in love twice?

My girlfriend heard I wanted a stress ball. She made me one.

Meanwhile in parallel universe.

Can confirm

Command line forever

The way to resolve the issues

My dream is to build a shopping cart for web stores that doesn't fucking suck.

Seriously Bigcommerce, Shopify, Magneto, etc. All of you can eat bag of dicks and burn in hell for ever.

I don't care what languages you fancy, all of their stacks are a pile of shit, monkey patched together with popsicle sticks and duct tape and it all falls apart with high concurrency.

All their greasy haired sales teams will throw all manners of horse shit at the poor bastards who are trying to run a business so they can pad their commission checks... "High availability", "scalable", "reliable", "Increased conversation rate"... Lying dick fucks, all of them! I am calling them the fuck out on that snake oil they're all peddling.

The only thing worse than their shit APIs is the shit documentation and the shit support that accompanies them.

Support of these platforms are pretty much all the same, sure mayhaps one has 24*7 phone support and another closes at 9 or some shit like that, either way the only people they put on the phone are monkeys that will freeze up and say "I'm not a developer so I can't help you"... Guess what, "Eric"! I didn't ask if you're a fucking dev! I'm calling because one of your devs fucked up and I need you to tell him to unfuck it so I can get the fuck on with my day!

Their app/plugin market places are shameful to say the least. The overall quality of software is somewhat dire and it's mostly dominated by oversees developers who speak English about as well as the language they're developing with (not very well usually).

I could go on until I hit the character limit but I'm gonna end it here by saying, all shopping carts suck and they should burn for eternity in the depths of hell so that a savior can free all developers from this agonizing torment.

When deadline is near..

Sometimes I feel like my wife woke up with a "--verbose" flag on...

I find it amazing how she was able to write all that code by hand, without any tools to assist her. I don't even want to think about the enormous amount of time she spend debugging that.

This Fibonacci joke is as bad as the last two you heard combined.

If we ever colonize Mars or if we even go further I am already feeling sorry for the poor bloke that will have to work on DateTime library.

My boss said something genius today: "understanding client's wishes is like writing a regexp for everything they say"😂

What is another name for a computer virus ? 
=> A terminal illness 

When you're so many fucking multi-dimensional arrays deep. You don't even know where the fuck you are anymore and you just wish you had been a doctor instead.

This is comic successfully predicted the future.

Working in the midnight at home, feeling lonely...
https://github.audio
Hearing commit sound from the world. Telling you that you are not alone

How??

Devs we be like.....!...thanks to Bots.....Why should we remain single for ever😂😂😂

Found your girlfriend, Octocat!

At a funeral.....

A visitor: What's the WiFi password here?

Priest: Respect the dead

Visitor: All small letters ?...

Harry Potter and Python (?)

A developer's worth is only measurable in their absence. 😢

My dad picked up programming in Java as a hobby when I started my own dev company. We pair program on the weekends! 😁

My boyfriend is in dental school and I am, of course, a dev. So we often swap analogies to help each other better understand what we are talking (or usually complaining) about. My favorite one so far is when I was explaining to him how the sales team undersells websites without consulting developers and we are constantly over budget. So he goes, "That's like the receptionist telling the patient they have 2 cavities just by looking at them and having them pay immediately. And when the dentist takes a look, the patient actually needs 4 crowns and a root canal... but they already paid for just the 2 cavities."

She runs C shells by the seashore.

Who else think this is awesome

the best way to learn programming is not by just reading books and coding basic examples. it is to take up a project which seems impossible and start doing it piece by piece, with the help of Google and stack overflow

Your mama's so FAT she can't save files bigger than 4GB.