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Joined devRant on 9/27/2016
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Ahahaha
More of a suprise.
Just by error double clicked on WINDOWS machine on a BASH (.sh) script.
Welp, some randon bash processor appered and script was executed correctlly.
I almost shit my pants, it's a script which changes production env.
I was expecting a notepad lol9 -
today i was very sleep deprived and i had an anxiety episode at work. that was the first time my coworkers saw me like that. they took me to a cafe, got me a pastry and kept chatting about random stuff while i calmed down. i felt vulnerable and ashamed for not keeping it together, but it was one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me.14
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Oh boy... something just happened I'd have never expected.
Remember my rants about the PHP CMS Of Doom™?
Guess what... the boss of said company just called me to offer me a job as their new tech lead. WTF.
I'd rather slowly impale myself on a rusy pickaxe.
I'd rather tattoo my face with a giant, pulsating, uncircimcised shlong.
I'd rather take a swim in a pool of Hydrogen fluoride.
I'd rather work 80h/wk on pimple extraction.10 -
Riddle me this Batman, why am I constantly afraid that other developers are going to fuck up my work after my time on the codebase?13
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Me passing time on the weekend
Random call from unknown number
Turns out it's the manager
M: hey , how is your weekend going ...
Me: nothing much ... Whatsup ?
M : yeah well , we wanted to push some minor adhoc fixes as some clients wanted it urgently
The Devops folks need developer support . Can you pitch in and monitor
Me : I'm not aware of what changes are going , i don't think i can provide support
M : don't worry it's minor changes , it's already tested in pre prod , you just need to be on call for 30 mins
Me : ugh okay .. guess 1 hr won't hurt
M: thanks 👍🏽
Me: *logs in
*Notices the last merged PR
+ 400 lines , implemented by junior dev and merged by manager
*Wait , how is this a *minor* release...
*Release got triggered already and the CI CD pipeline is in progress
*5 mins later
*Pipeline fails , devops sends email - test coverage below 50%
Manager immediately pitches in ...
M: hey , i see test coverage is down , can you increase it ?
Me: and how do u suppose I do that ?
M : well it's simple just write UTC for the missing lines ... Will it take time ?
Me : * ah shit here we go again
Yeah it will take time , there are around 400 lines , I am not aware of this component all together
Can you ask junior dev to pitch in and write the UTC for this
*Actually junior dev is out on a vacation with his girlfriend
M : well he's out for the weekend , but
as a senior dev , i expect you to have holistic understanding of the codebase and not give excuses ,
this is a priority fix which client are demanding we need this released ASAP
Me : * wait wat ?
---
I ended up being online for next 3 hours figuring out the code change and bumping up the UTC 🤦🏾9 -
> In office for first time in awhile
> Run into group of 4 people I don’t recognize in far cubicle corning laughing in hushed voices eating of an impressive spread of food
> See me and immediately look at each other with panicked expressions
> Confused, I put my hands up to indicate I come in peace
> They relax a little and say they thought I was from HR since they didn’t recognize me
> Ask why HR seeing them would be such a big deal
> They say their potluck is not “sanctioned”
> …?
So apparently HR just could resist ruining one of the only good things about coming into the office and one of the coolest things about the company’s culture. At least once a month there would be a giant potluck where everyone would bring some home cooked dish and share it. I can’t tell you how amazing these are in Canada, 50+ plates of authentic food from all over the world.
Unfortunately HR didn’t agree as 1. They didn’t cook so felt bad taking food. 2. Nobody asked them permission to put on these events they just happened organically. 3. Some people were bringing in food that they felt was culturally inappropriate (ie. caucasian guy bringing in homemade sushi).
HR recently banned all “unsanctioned” potlucks and all future potlucks needed to be approved through them with the following stipulations. 1. You could participate without bringing something by donating to HR $10 2. If you brought something you still had to give HR $10. 3. Things you brought in had to be approved by HR
Naturally the first and only potluck under these rules only 4 people brought something in as many couldn’t get their dishes approved because HR didn’t like what they were planning to bring (started out as being because culture and turned into HR just being picky), most just brought $10 so there wasn’t enough food to go around and so after HR took a giant group photo to post on the company’s social media accounts to show off how good the company’s culture is most everyone had to go out for lunch. HR sent out an email later that day exclaiming what a huge success for charity and the company brand the potluck was and they can’t wait for the next one. (I have the HR communications email marked as spam so I never saw the email). Nobody ever organized a sanctioned potluck after that.
However people still missed cooking and sharing their favourite recipes with one another so potlucks still occur but they are now very small, secret, invite-only, hush-hush affairs.
…What in the ever loving fuck22 -
I was recently hired as a lead devops to a giant shit show. The CTO said he needs someone to do things correctly instead of quickly. This is a conversation I just had this morning
HR: We want you to interview a potential new DevOps engineer
ME: okay, when?
HR: Tomorrow
ME: I won't be able to create interview tests and materials for tomorrow. How's next week
HR: This hire is urgent! It has to be tomorrow
ME: Then you'll have to do the interview without me
HR: We need you to interview them because we've had a few bad hires in the past that we don't want to repeat
ME: The best way to filter out bad hires is with technical tests, which will take time to develop. I can be ready by next week.
HR: We can't give you a weeks notice for each hire, we are in urgent need for more devops.
ME: ...14 -
@Root has a code review.
CR comment: “Why would you do it this way? It’s awful. Clean it up!”
Totally fair. I had copied the legendary dev’s code, and it was ick. Cleaning it was easy and enjoyable. I cleaned the source, too.
CR comment: “Why would you touch this? It’s outside the scope of the ticket. You could get it working without changing all this.”
Revert…
CR comment: “The interfaces don’t match. Now it’s confusing, and that makes it harder to maintain.”
🤦🏻♀️16 -
Manager (via phone): You need to setup the CEO with access to the app IMMEDIATELY
Dev: Ok…What’s the occasion?
Manager: There is a big important meeting right now where we go over our achievements for the year and my plan was to have him log in and play around.
Dev: Likely would have been worth mentioning at this mornings standup.
Manager: Don’t be a smart ass. In fact, if you were actually smart you would have given him an account in the first place! So you’re just an ass then, what kind of idiot doesn’t give the CEO an account to an app like this?
Dev: Actually you specifically asked for him to be removed when I added him. “Unnecessary Optics” you said.
Manager: THAT’S BULLSHIT, I NEVER SAID THAT!!
Dev: It’s in our meeting minutes from 2 years ago.
Manager: STOP WRITING THE THINGS I SAY DOWN IT’S COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY.
Dev: I’ll make a note of that request
Manager: YOU ABSOL—ok looks like he’s waving me back in the room now the account must be working now bye. *click*.
Dev: Moron.9 -
Two brainfarts that resulted in... a lot of pain
I had been coding all day, ~6hrs. I was in the zone, so I hadn't saved to git. It was all uncommitted changes (you see where this is going...)
Brainfart#1: The code used the "Contact" class, but for some reason my hands typed "Product" in this ONE line.
Brainfart#2: I became aware of Brainfart#1, so I changed the variable from "Product" to "Contact". However, I instinctively pressed F2, "Rename Symbol", instead of just changing the variable I was using. Now ALL of the references to "Product" were to the "Contact" class instead, across all of our code.
I finished coding. I committed and pushed the changes, closed the IDE, and left the desk for a snack. When I came back, the automated tests were failing due to an import error. That's when I noticed my mistake. I couldn't do Ctrl+Z because I had closed the editor. I had to change the names one by one across all of our code. "Contact" and "Product" are probably our two most used classes 😭6 -
Interviewer: So are you familiar with our company and what we do?
Dev: I looked at your website, looks like you build tools for managing restaurants.
Interviewer: No. That’s not even close.
Dev: ?
Interviewer: What we do is create an ecosystem of integrated data centres all orchestrated for immediate stakeholder utilization.
Dev: But the product itself…. it’s a user interface for tracking inventory. Of like…. burgers…. and bottles of wine.
Interviewer: It’s not a product! It’s a data……habitat!!
Dev: …
Dev: So does that make your users animals?
Interviewer: 😡. Unfortunately it looks like you do not see our vision and would not be a good fit for this role.
Dev: Agreed.27 -
Dev: Why did you suddenly start adding random whitespace to the end of all of the files in your PRs?
Manager: IT’S NOT RANDOM!
Dev: ?
Manager: That’s a way I came up with for tracking my contributions. Every time I edit a file I add a line of whitespace at the bottom so it’s clear to everyone how much and how often I’ve contributed to the team. Although I haven’t been doing it this entire time so I had to make up for this by adding more to files that I *know* I’ve touched a bunch before. Just think! Especially with how big my PRs are compared to everyone else the tally of my contributions is going to get huge!
Dev: …21 -
Not a rant, but had to come here to post this.
I couldn't resist pranking my wife with the age old "Oh my God, I broke your laptop" prank.
SHE DID NOT FIND IT AS FUNNY AS I DID.
Anyone else tried it? If not, definitely try it.20 -
Holy fuck, muscle memory just saved my ass.
At a train station wanting to do some work on my mini laptop which has disk encryption (LUKS I think). Realised that I forgot the password partly 😬
Few tries.... incorrect. FUCK.
*hey, let's try to let my hands do the work based on muscle memory!*
*starts typing the password (its insanely long) and presses enter*
*succesfully unlocked, booting...*
😅25