Details
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Skillsjava
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LocationThe Netherlands
Joined devRant on 4/29/2017
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Not a specifically dev related story, but absolutely rant worthy.
Today I was working from home, and my wife called me to tell me that some awful person had thrown a young cat into the dumpster at her work.
To that person - you are a scumbag. You’re lucky no one left you alone in a hot car as a kid, let alone a dumpster. Seriously, why? Why is it so hard to take it to a shelter?
Anyway - I went and bought a whole bunch of cat stuff - I grew up with cats but I’ve never had one on my own. We’re at the vet now. I think we’ll name her Curry (after Haskell Curry, and lovely spicy dishes).22 -
Happy SysAdmin day ... even if I’m wondering if sysadmins can be happy.
Source : xkcd (of course...)3 -
Today I needed the scroll lock key.
I was running a super long test suite, one which puts a green dot on the screen every 500ms, so you can't scroll up. I needed to view some output of an earlier command... in other words, I needed to lock the automatic scrolling of the terminal.
That is what the scroll lock key was made for.
A momentous occasion.
Then I found out that a while ago, I used the macro function of my keyboard to rebind the that key... to close the current terminal window. 😡7 -
Working really hard, finishing tasks, upgrading servers. Cancel some useless meetings to finish up features, working till 2am to get a database migration working. Half of the platform is transformed, both customers and team are very happy about their accomplishments.
Boss: "OK, I think we're on the right path with these changes, but productivity and morale is honestly disappointing. Are you guys sleeping enough? You all look very tired and unmotivated!"
Attend all meetings, call boss at 7am to discuss random purchases like a whiteboard, run around the office holding a (broken, lol) MacBook, looking very busy & slightly worried. I shout random things at people across the office like "Nice work Gary!" and "Damn, you are on a roll Angela!". I initiate smalltalk with department heads, only to immediately disrupt the conversation by checking my phone saying "Oh I really have to take this one" (empty battery, lol). No one writes a single line of code for four weeks, and nothing new has been deployed by the whole team.
Boss: "I think it's commendable how productive the team has become this month. You guys are all so active and involved. A real improvement!"6 -
Teach data structures by showing how they're used in real life situations. Don't make us do some nonsense puzzle shit. For example, a friend of mine is learning stacks/queues right now and his assignment is to build a simple HTML parsing algorithm to determine whether an HTML file is valid. This shows the student a practical use of the data structure and reinforces that this shit actually does get used in real life.
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I'm so sick of all these fat frontend websites.
Transferring dozens of megabytes of mostly unused libraries is not acceptable.
A browser tab crunching up CPU time because everything must be "beautifully animated" (🤢) and processed without involving page reloads/backend is not acceptable.
A response time of over a second is not acceptable.
Cryptic error messages and random popups asking you to reload your page, not acceptable.
Sticky elements/popups breaking access on small screens is not acceptable.
Running hundreds of ajax calls per minute as heartbeats/probes
and crashing the page when the internet has a hiccup, not acceptable.
Fuck Asana, Fuck Twitch, Fuck LinkedIn, Fuck Youtube, Fuck the dozens of other SPAs which unload their truckload of diarrhea into a tab, yet fail to load crucial functionality about half of the time.
Fuck any page that breaks when you block Facebook, Doubleclick, Twitter or Google Analytics. To hell with websites depending on cookies or javascript loaders to display anything.
I want webpages to be interactive informational documents again.
Fuck off with your apps.
If you want to make an app, learn to use a real language, and get the fuck out of my browser.5 -
Let's install some Addons! Hmm where is that menu item... oh could it be called Extensions? No? Wait... maybe Plugins then?
Maybe it's inside of a Settings window. Oh there's nothing called settings in this endless menu I think. Or is it called Preferences? Options? Properties? Configuration? Ugh and should I look in the File or Edit or Extra menu in this App, Application and/or Program?
Maybe I can Search for it?
OH YOU FUCKING NAMED THAT FIND INSTEAD OF SEARCH, YOU PRESUMPTUOUS PRICK, I CAN'T FUCKING FIND ANYTHING IN YOUR BLOATED GOO OF A GUI.
*scrambles back into his bash-shell like a hermit crab, making soft defensive noises*8 -
how i spend so long on this as a child i dont know, but i wouldn't change it for the world, damn this brings back memories.4
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Let's quickly talk about idiots.
> A simpleton coworker of mine installed Ubuntu on his brand new ThinkPad with a touch screen.
> Asks me to show him the Linux games site I mentioned earlier.
> I see that he has no browser installed.
No Firefox, Chromium, Epiphany, etc.
> Now I know that he has a room temperature IQ and something moronic is going to happen.
Truth be said, I subliminally desired a terminal based browser.
> Then he fucking opens Wine and I shit you NOT! That thundercunt opens...
> Internet Explorer!
> I punched his screen.
> No longer a touch-screen laptop.17 -
The joys of bring a Fullstack developer..
Sometimes beings junior Fullstack developer I find myself in tricky situations.
This past week I was invited to a meeting with all the front-end developers where we were presenting our software when a 500error popped up...( I was day dreaming looking out the window watching two birds hop around)Then I heard one developer ask what the problem was and another quickly replied "backend problem"... Still half asleep and deep in my new found interest in birds I blurted out "maybe the front-end is not sending the request properly".... Immediately the room fell silent... this sent a chill down my spine and I was brought back to reality, I looked round the room and everyone was staring at me like I insulted their mothers... I tried to make a joke of it but saying "Sorry I forgot this was a front-end meeting"... The lead architect who for some reason was also present then said "at least someone sees things differently"... And everyone laughed (although I'm not sure how sincere their laughs were).1 -
Bob?
Yeah?
Bob, could you hand me that paperclip?
Sure mate!
Thanks.
Oh... Bob?
Uhhh... yeah?
Could you also hand me that paperclip?
Right... sure, of course.
Thanks.
Bob?
What?
Could you also hand me the next paperclip?
Fuck off, why don't I just give you the whole fucking box!
Yeah Bob, please, throw the whole fucking box.
Wait, is that a printed screenshot of my code you're attaching the paperclips to?
It sure is, Bob.16 -
Can I only pick one?
I don't hate a lack of skill by itself. Incompetence, in my book, refers to a lack of skill combined with being in a position of responsibility.
The junior/intern in my team writes pretty bad code, but that is OK. He asks questions, I give pointers and bounce back his PRs ten times in a row, and he keeps fixing things without complaints.
My boss however... still writes PHP as if he's living in the 90s. He doesn't visit scrum meetings because he "isn't a developer". He thinks of a new feature while pooping, writes it without telling anyone, and throws it into production without making a PR.2 -
*Me Calling the NSA..
[NSA]: Hello, how can I help you !
[ME]: Hello, this is the NSA right?
[NSA]: Yes
[ME]: Since you are recording all phone calls, I have a little request.
[NSA]: And What is that?
[ME]: My mom called me couple hours ago to bring something from the supermarket, her phone is off.. What did she told me to bring?
[NSA]: beep..beep..beep10 -
Today I was talking to my manager about html and css.
As i was explaining certain things about the structure of the files and the naming conventions for the css classes I mentioned the body of the document.....but got...er...distracted...yes distracted...and said booty instead of body.
She started laughing and I made a tomato look pale because of how red I got. I zipped my hoodie all the way up and talked from the hood hole around my face.
Best solution ever.5 -
"I made your static HTML pages into a dynamic site! Now just include <%Header%> instead of copy pasting that nav into every page!"
...1 week later...
"You made our website all crazy. None of the pages have headers in the source code but it still shows up by some kind of witchcraft. Put it back."2 -
If you have striggled a lot to find good diagram makers/editor. Here is the one.
draw.io is free online diagram software for making flowcharts, process diagrams, org charts, UML, ER and network diagrams.
Try it. Its open source. Even the code is open source, you can get the war and run it in you tomcat offline...
I am listing few type of diagram you can draw are
1. ER Diagram
2. UML Diagram
3. Business process workflows
4. Bootstrap components for mock screens
5. Wireframes
6. Floor plan
7. Network diagram
Many more...
Explore!!!
https://www.draw.io -
I hate how one of my hobbies can get me tipsy so easily.
It's really hard to combine it with the working life sometimes 😖😩
I just love special beer(s), it's more than just beer for me, it's a hobby!22 -
I fucking hate Internet of Things, I think that it's a ridiculous idea to connect things, that work perfectly fine, to the internet.
The 'convenience' you get is minimalistic and most of the time non existent.
It is also often insanely insecure and expensive. The burdans it brings with it most of the time just outweigh the positive sides of it.
Now today happened something that made me hate it even more. Today was the First Lego Lego (Lego competition with ev3 robots, etc.) and one part of the tournament is to find a solution for a given problem. This year the general topic was hydro-dynamics and so the problem was how you can reduce water usage and 'save' water.
Our idea was to make reusable coffee cups and give them to the local coffee shops. One time use paper cups use take around 400ml water when produced) Basically you buy a cup once for 5 bucks and you get your coffee served in it. After drinking the coffee you return the cup to a local cafe and get a chip as pawn. When you buy your next coffee, you give them your chip and get it served in another reusable cup. The are at the moment already around 1000 cups going around the city.
Now this was our idea and we got ranked third. I am not too mad about our rank but what really drives me fucking mad is the team who ranked first.
Their idea was to make a pump (using an arduino) and a humidity sensor which you stick into a plant and the pump pumps water when the plant is too dry.
However (you probably guessed it already) they went a step further and connected it to the internet. They also made a web 'interface' for it so you can control the pump with your smartphone / computer / smartwatch / tv / whatever the fuck is connected to the internet nowadays 'thanks' to the iot 'revolution'.
So it is a pump that waters your plant when it is too dry BUT it is also connected to the internet.
WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS HAVE TO BE CONNECTED TO THE INTERNET.
"Oh look it is connected to the internet, wow awesome, oh it is also 'smart'. oh cooool. Nice I don't have to water my plants anymore"
A funny thing is that one of my friends built basically the same thing without connecting it to the internet. He built a small box with a pump and a humidity sensor that measures if the dirt is too dry and then waters the plant. It checks every few hours and the also is a small 16x2 LCD and a knob that you can turn to control how much water it should give the plant each time it waters it. He built it and I programmed it for him. Works perfectly fine and I don't see any reason why there should be any need to connect something like this to the internet.
Anyway we got ranked third, they first. I guess we should connect our coffee cups to the internet in some way ...17 -
My first ever programming lesson was pretty awkward. I had zero knowledge of any coding so even the basics were new. Everytime the teacher said "string" I was kinda cringing and feeling awkward, but nobody else seemed bothered. I was laughing inside like the teenager I was, looking around for someone to share a giggle with. But nothing.
The explanation:
The word "string" in dutch means thong. Me not knowing any other uses for this word was a little flustered 😬.4 -
"The most important skill in life is mitigating frustrations, but please don't get good at it — your suffering is hilarious"
— Girlfriend, while I was trying to fix her CPU cooler.
I realized immediately she just explained why this community exists.7 -
So I was just about to learn Angular for my job. Right after I installed it and initialized the first app folder I was told I don't need to learn it anymore.
Me being happy, right click folder, delete...
Deleting 30.035 files (225 MB)
WHAT THE FUCK10 -
Client: We want a contact form on our site that accepts files.
Me: OK. Here are the backend options (custom built, WordPress, third-party service, etc).
C: Mmm... why is it so complicated? A simple form doesn't need a backend.
Me: FFUUUUU Y DONT YOU DO IT THEN! DIDN'T KNOW BROWSERS SEND EMAIL?!
Me: *backspace*, *backspace*, *backspace*
Me: Browsers cannot send emails; you need a backend to process the form.3 -
keeping up with the ridiculous job titles, WTF is an "iOS King"?
I would actually avoid applying for that job as I couldn't bare to call myself that, or have others10 -
The 5 whys
So.. we cant deploy
Why? > We had to take our deployment tool offline
Why? > Because random people from the internet started deployments
Why? > Because we had no authentication and so it was publicly available
Why? > Boss said auth was no priority (we told him every day)
Why? > ¯\_(ツ)_/¯5 -
1st post. Not sure if rant.
> Join 1st job after college.
> Desk assigned is close to a senior dev
> Random day, QA asks senior dev questions on something and coincidentally I happened to be working on the same thing.
> Senior dev borrows my system and explains qa something.
> By the end of explanation senior dev had bunch of shell commands written on notepasd on my machine.
> I don't understand jack shit of whats happening.
> QA looks at me and says, "Ping me once."
> I think, "no idea what just happened but must be something related to network ."
> I open terminal and type "ping" and quitely wait for further instructions (address to ping that is).
> Everyone starts laughing their asses off.
> QA guy opens slack, and sends himself the commands on text document.
> I realize what just happened
> Laugh awkwardly with everyone to ease the pressure
> FML7 -
Bought that server from a friend yesterday.
About to buy a second dedicated server (second hand) with 32gb's of ram!
This is getting out of hand 😅26