Some guy: "PLEASE CALL AN AMBULANCE!"
Me: Ambulance();

Still don't know what I did wrong 🤷

HeckOverflow

–Can you recommend me a GDPR expert?
–Yes!
–Can I have their email address?
–No!

Sigh. Don’t mind me, I’m just breathing out some extra air before a Friday deploy...

4am

"I need to brush my teeth before going to sleep 😵"
*goes to bathroom*
*washes hands*
*goes to bed*

1minute of heavy processing later

"FUCK"

Finally! I can switch from English to modern hieroglyphics.

I deleted my Facebook so now you guys have to like the photo I just took.

Ohhh and have a great fuckin' weekend, you fucks.

Frontend team : We pushed our code. Please give instructions regarding integration with Backend.

Me : Alright. I'll provide you the API docs and you can continue with integration.

F : But that's your job. No?

Me (didn't want to argue) : I'll look into it. Let me check out the frontend till then.

* Goes on to see the frontend *

I am kidding you not, that moth*rf*ck*r pushed an entire template along with dummy text.

Me : Hey! This doesn't seem right. It's just a template you got off the internet.

F : Yeah! That's what I have to do. To put on the dynamic content from database is your work. Don't put your responsibilities on me!!

Are you f*cking kidding me?! Do your work right or I am reporting you to the team lead!

Meanwhile, team lead : *sips coffee. Disappears for months*

Bastards!

The ramesh guy

Me: This is good, but here’s a small tiny change that will make it even better!
Tests: 1 success, 3628 failures, simulator freezes and crashes computer
Me: never mind...

Had a late night thought and I made this handy tool. It Lets you transfer files and directories from your computer to your mobile device by scanning a QR code right from the terminal.
https://github.com/mirimmad/...

*boss jokes around*

me: hahahahahaiwantanincreasehahahaha

Guess who wasted 2hours of his life to change his configs file again.

That moment when the resident IT guy/teacher at your school comes to you at lunch and you look sad.
Me: Hello.
Teacher: What happened?
Me: Batteries almsot dead :(
Teacher: Well, I've got good news for you. I was talking to the school director about you.
Me: Um ... shit
Teacher: We're looking to get you an intership at the company that does networking shit for us (Netcom, anybody?)
Me: FUCK YEAH ... thanks!
*Day brightened by angelic light*

All those random HR people from random recruiting companies adding you on LinkedIn.

STOP.

When 500 ms have passed and you have not yet received the ACK

Job interview for junior dev position:

Recruiter: Implement stack
Me: Here you go *typical C++ stack implementation, struct node, push, pop*
Recruiter: This is classical over engineering, you should just inherit from std::stack
Me: wtf?

Learning VIM has no practical value. Change my mind.

When your customer says "I'm sure it takes little time to do it" and you know you just won another two weeks of work...

This is my Research Purpose VM, It had been lying around unused for too long.
P.S. I know my specs suck actually

Yes! Haven't even graduated yet, and just got hired as Junior Developer - score!

My biggest personal challenge as a dev is learning and retaining, as well as keeping current, any particular language. I swear I really did build a career as an HTML/JS/CSS programmer. I have a resume that shows I did. But for some reason, lately, every time I open an editor I feel like I'm starting over from 22 years ago. Everything I do nowadays is copy/paste from StackOverflow, hiring another dev to help out, or cribbing code from past projects. I'd love to be able to just open Sublime and start coding like a badass like I imagine other coders do, but I just can't even get started. WTF is wrong with me?

New clients and impostor syndrome.

As a self-taught freelance web developer-designer with minimum experience and an introvert it's hard to find new clients. Also the impostor syndrome-experience (call it as you want) doesn't help at all :/

March is still cruel to me. I hate March from the bottom of my heart.

Having fun, fellow northern europeans?

Once in college I was walking around campus when I noticed that one of the classes were still teaching Fortran to their students as an introductory programming language.

I got my wife pregnant despite birth control being used... You could say she *puts on sunglasses* failed the penetration test.

I'll see myself out.