Just found the best dev ever.

https://alcohollick.com/tfw.html

Home and Alexa having a lovely chat

Source: imgur

She: “Execute garden job!”
Me: “Command failed: broken dependency”

My classmates are such hypocrites. They pretend to be programmers, but they can't fool me.

"Oh sorry. I can't show you the result of my html code. I have to compile it first, but there's no WiFi."

There's so many things wrong with that.

!rant

*walks into university library*

*sits down at a computer 😶*

*looks around to see if anyone is looking 🙄*

*takes out laptop*

*unplugs ethernet from school computer and plugs into laptop 😯*

*50MB/s DOWNLOAD SPEEDS 😎😎*

Decided I'm going to tell my boss I'm no longer going to do wordpress.

It all started innocently, like helping someone find an option or something, but now I have to write plugins...
Not part of the deal.

I've also got 0 motivation to go to work since starting this shitty project. I used to want to go to work and looked forward to helping out, but this is just soul numbing.

Let's see how that goes (either tomorrow or Wednesday).

I'll let you guys know if I get fired :p

When Python ruins your museum experience :(
There were about four all up like this.

I fucked up hard for the first time yesterday at work.

Came in and expected a huge speech from the bossman.

He called me to his office:

Explained me where I went wrong and what I should do next time with a big smile on his face!

loving xkcd comics!

Friend: hey I started learning java..
Me: great, good luck.

*After few minutes

Friend: Hey I heard you're good in java programming..

Me: yeah I know stuff.

Friend: So can you teach me all good things in java?

Me: but..

Friend: half hour is supposed to be enough, right?

Me: hell no, it's not like that..

this stupid thinks half hour is enough to transmit all my career to his stoned brain..

I am going to die!

I just got dropped from a project for taking 2 days leave. The client was like 'the rest of the team worked fine without him for 2 days, we don't need him!' :(

So, my wife is in the hospital with two of the kids for an annual checkup. Should be nothing to worry about but still it's stressful and I want to be there.

I'd booked the day off (until the end of the week) and last week I got told, you've taken too many holidays, just the Friday is approved.

Ok, fine, I'll do some extra hours work from home and be there for the appointment. But fuck no, they schedule an "important" client meeting this morning and I'm required to attend.

TWO FUCKING HOURS and I contributed a sum total of 2 sentences which could have been filled in just as well by the other developer on the call

Just another reason I'm happy to be interviewing at other companies.

Asked a girl in my team if she knows JavaScript, her reply is "I don't know Java".

* facepalm *

😂😂😂😂😂😂

That day of the year again.. Happy New year everyone!

This job posting proves they're in desperate need of graphics designer..

(context: I'm from Germany)

The interview was going well, their developer and I had good talks about their stack and projects, I thought I was making a good impression.

Then the HR guy had some Qs. He went through my CV, wanted to know why I left company X and what I did at company Y. He seemed quite impressed with the work experience I already had (the job I was applying for was an entry level position).

For education I had an entry at a university. "courses in computer science". He asked:

"And you finished the Bachelor's degree, right?"

Me, "well, no. I stopped after about 2 semesters. I'm a self-taught developer, all my skills..."

HR guy interrupts

"So, no bachelor's degree?"

"No, but I figured out that I am a much better learner outside of university and that I don't want to go into research."

"Thank you for coming in, we'll get back to you soon."

...

As a conclusion: I learned that german companies are still very traditional and search for employees with degrees. They don't understand how you'd know stuff if you don't have a degree.

Good thing: we also have international companies, which are happy to welcome enthusiastic and self-taught developers.

On my way to my first c++ course!

Really hyped to see what they make us build!

(as long as it isn't a fucking calculator)

Me:*connects up laptop to projector via wifi bc teacher doesn't know shit about computers*

Teacher: *sits at computer*
Teacher: *closes the program that streams to projector*

Me:*facepalm*

Teacher: "Why did it stop working did you set it up wrong?"

Adding an ultrasonic rangefinder makes the robot I'm assembling resemble Wall-E.

I was told during my initial interview that the book "Clean Code" is their Bible here.

And it's true. It's lying, unread in drawers and shelves all over the office.

Well this would suck.

A little ago, a devRant user drew something awesome (fantasy stylish) of another devRanter.

I said in the comments that I'd kill for a drawing of my own character!

A day later I got a mention. He'd drawn my character!

Thanks a lot @ichijou! I find it awesome, it's in a frame on my wall now :D

Linux..

I want a TV program like "Kitchen Nightmares" but with IT companies.
And with Linus Torvalds in place of Gordon Ramsey

Credit: It's Foss!

Friend: hey i heard you are a programmer.
Me: yeah
F: so you are a hacker?
M: No. Well yes but the correlation is bavkwards.
F: oh ok.

...

F: so can you hack facebook?

Total garbage

In my yesterday's interview:

Interviewer: Tell me about some cool things you did on last year.?

Me: Connecting multiple IoT devices and create dashboard to show status using web sockets.

Interviewer: Oh great. You did without page refresh.?

Me: Yeahh 🙄

Interviewer: Then its cool.

Me: 😬🤔😐

Me: *puts small piece of tape over webcam*

NSA: Okay guys, shut it all down. No way we can record from the microphone, log keys, access the file system, USB devices, network data or watch the screen. He did the tape.