age += 1

:)

Ran into a girl who I had a crush on in high school at a bar last week. Hanged out for a bit, but then I had to run catch the last train home.

Today I get a message from her that reads: "Hey, it was nice to meet you last week. Can I call you some time, there's something I want to tell you. 😉"

I think to myself -- sweet and say that I have no meetings today, call me whenever you can.

A couple of minutes later she calls me, and the first thing she says: "I have this app idea..."

fuck, shouldn't have hyped myself up.

When you realize that you're googling an error message you've implemented yourself

Showers

99% of my bugs are fixed whilst I'm in the shower

Honestly, I should just get a waterproof computer and write code in there

Great😅😂

I hate programming
I hate programming
I hate...
Hey it works
I love programming!

Automating everything is so satisfying.

");drop table rants;--

I don’t need sex because C++ fucks me everyday

When I push on the wrong branch

Are you finding a new job? take care of this.

The easiest way to get into software development: Learn from someone with more experience.

The easiest way to master software development: teach those with less experience than you.

Knowledge sharing is the basis of our industry. I can't ask people to share enough

when your code is a mess but everything work out in the end

I'm told that a worker can't clock into work on his phone because he does something different from his fellow employees. So I go to him to ask hey what do you need in order to clock in.
"Oh well I do something different from everyone"

Yeah I know I'm trying to get it so you can clock in on the phone as well what do you clock into.

"Well the other guys can clock into things on the phone you should ask them if you want to know how to clock into on the phone. I do different jobs then them"

Yes I know, what do you different so I can add it to the phone clock in app?

"What I do isn't on the phone you can't clock into it on there you have to clock into it here."

Would it be unprofessional to strangle him?

This never gets old...

schrodinger's backup

Friday afternoons be like...

Based on popular demand, we're proud to introduce a basic image repost detector on devRant!

Right now it uses very simple hashing to see if an exact copy of an image was posted recently. If it was, then we display an error and we don't allow the image to be posted.

This is experimental so if you experience any issues with it please let me know.

Scalability

!rant

Today marks three years of marriage to the best rubber duck ever.

😍

1 week ago my boss forced me to ship a new feature on friday afternoon. The feature broke our application for about 2 hours. After this I bought him this cup.

That momemt when you realise little cesar is using ubuntu.

When you change one line of code

Upgraded work PC to a SSD. Can't believe the difference it made. It's like a new computer.

Only trouble is, now I can't blame the computer for my slow work...

Maybe I can blame the RAM from now on.

Made me chuckle, cheers robershuxley /r/ProgrammingHumor

Coworker's whiteboard today

OK, so I get that we don't have a great reputation for dating but at the same time it's kinda rubbing salt in the wound when a dev company organises a global coding challenge for valentines day.

You guys, I think I know what is it....I think I know why I wanted to be a developer.

It started off innocently enough. I was a young lad in IT. Wide-eyed. Absorbing anything and everything I could. Then, the asshole clients came.....

I would put on my best customer service face on, and address the client as calmly and as respectfully as I could. Reminding myself that their frustration is understandable.

To deal with the increased time dealing with clients took, I developed scripts to help me handle maintenance and keep my head above water. I developed scripts to streamline equipment provisioning for big deployments. I developed scripts to handle other technicians who didn't log-off the phone queue and fucked up our on-call flow. I put in place email rules to sift through the bullshit and time wasters.

I became a developer to streamline and make myself as efficient as possible. But the clients keep nagging. The bullshit keeps coming. The other players get in your fucking way.

There is no end you guys.... THIS IS ONLY TUESDAY. I can't script the passage of time. I'm....I'm.... I need a fucking nap.

When back-end engineers get excited about something.

Four letter word of the day: docker