2011: 3 billion devices run Java
2018: 3 billion devices run Java

Git : Can't pull because there are uncommitted changes.

Me : *check the changes*

Git : None

Me : ಠ_ಠ

Year 2013

- Trying this thing called Bitcoin
- Setup wallet in spare USB drive
- Buy 0.5 BTC (couldn’t afford more)
- Forgot about it

Year 2016

- Remembered I had bought BTC
- Looking like crazy for my USB drive
- Found it!
- Insert it into PC
- only one file in it
- essay_blah_blah_<sisters name>.doc
- poof, gone for ever

So there is this girl who was trying to be cute and wrote a mock C code for me :

She wrote :

If(existence=disapointment)
printf("kill self");
else
printf("what else??");

And without hesitating I told her that her code had a fault in it and it would always print "kill self" no matter what the level of disappointment is. And asked her to fix it.
The way she fixed it was probably best described as the situation when you have no idea what you are doing and you don't try to understand either. (or was simply passive aggressive) :

If(existence=disapointment)
printf("kill self");
else
printf("kill self");

Honestly though I hope she was being passive aggressive because boy do I pity people who confuse between '=' and '=='

10 years experience in DoD C4I enterprise hardware and software.
Looks at civilian job (requires A+)
Gets A+
Looks at civilian job (requires Network+)
Gets Network+
Looks at civilian job market (requires Security+)
Gets security+
Looks at civilian job market (requires CCNA)
Getting CCNA
Looks again at job market (requires CCNP)
Fuck...

Job interview "we don't think you have a strong enough background"

Looks back at my 5 million dollar military flying robotic server FML

Girl: "hey"

My Brain:
java.lang.NullPointerException:
at net.brain.functions.Talk.retrieveSpeech(Talk.java:2978)
at net.brain.functions.Talk.createFlirtyResponse(Talk.java:3132)

Me: null

*Girl walks away*

Why the fuck do some people need to talk so much while working?
Let me code in peace, damnit. 😒

Beep beep.
Beep beep.
Beep beep.
Developer in stress.
Beep beep.

DevRant to the rescue

My parts came!

So, there is this guy whose arguments on "How Apple is bad" are

1) "while copying files in Finder, you don't see a speed graph (like in Windows)"
2) "MacBooks don't have a Touchscreen"
3) "it's slow"
4) "you can't play games (like GTA V)"
5) "having app menus always on the top of the screen instead of in every window makes no sense"

Arguments on "why Linux is bad":

1) "it's ugly"
2) no gaming (same as point 4 above)
3)... And other biased irrelevant shit

Yet his amazing old Windows 10 computer with the most recent Insider build has only a 65% chance of booting on the first attempt. Almost nothing works properly on his hardware yet he always blames something unrelated to him.
Recently I was having trouble with the workplace wifi (for few minutes I wasn't having full speed like he on the other side of the room had), and his reaction "aha, it's your macOS, never working".

Like wtf. I don't hate Windows or I don't love Linux, but I night hate him for being an arrogant cunt and I want to punch his face.

Good news: Today my app reached 1 million daily users. 😃😃😃💰

Bad news: It started out as a side project and my shitty code is not scaling well at all. 🙃

Holy shitt that gradle speed

I was told during my initial interview that the book "Clean Code" is their Bible here.

And it's true. It's lying, unread in drawers and shelves all over the office.

>Download a mod from Nexusmods
>2,1GB
>200kbps connection
>gets to 90% after 3 hours
>fails with http 416 error
>???
>Check file integrity
>Fails horrendously.
>fml.

Me: IT call center.

Lady: Hi! I cant access the shared folder!

Me: Ok. I'll try and help you out. Whats happening when you click on it?

Lady: ok ok... {clicks}... Now it's asking me to entered my password. Should I enter it?

Me: Do you know it?

Lady: Yeah.

Me: yeah try entering it.

Lady: YES. That worked! Thank you so so much!!!

Me: No problem. Have a good day!

So Friday afternoon is always deployment time at my company. No sure why, but it always fucks us.

Anyways, last Friday, we had this lovely deployment that was missing a key piece. On Wednesday I had tested it, sent out an email(with screenshots) saying "yo, whoever wrote this, this feature is all fucked up." Management said they would handle it.

The response email. 1(out of 20) defects I sent in were not a defect but my error. No further response, so I assume the rest were being looked into.

In a call with bossman, my manager states that the feature is fixed, so I go to check it quickly before the deployment(on Friday).

THERE IS NO FUCKING CODE CHECK-IN. THE DEV BASTARD JUST SAID THAT MY USECASE WAS WRONG, SO MY ENTIRE EMAIL WAS INVALID.

I am currently working on Saturday, as the other guy refuses to see the problem! It is blatant, and I got 3 other people to reproduce to prove I am not crazy!

On top of that, the code makes me want to vomit! I write bad code. This is like a 3rd grader who doesn't know code copy-pasted from stack overflow! There is literally if(A) then B else if(!A) then B! And a for loop which does some shit, and the line after it closes has a second for loop that iterates over the same unaltered set! Why?! On top of that, the second for loop loops until "i" is equal to length-1, then does something! Why loop???

The smartest part of him ran down his Mama's leg when it saw the DNA dad was contributing!

Don't know who is the culprit, and if you happen to see this, I am pissed. I am working on Saturday because you can't check your code or you lied on your resume to get this job, as you are not qualified! Fuck you!

As a programmer, I'm outraged.

When you see ads of adblockers
(+_+)(+_+)(+_+)

It's 2018, web developers, let get our tools on..

I imagine two dev colleagues sitting next to each other, on their phone, each feeling very secure in the anonymity of devrant.

Woooooooo!
Just finished my first fully automated CI/CD system. Now all my commits go through the pipeline and gets deployed to live automatically.

It's a small project but still, it's really cool!

Why must I always have great ideas for my projects and have the code in my head when I'm out for dinner with family and drinking, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Only pure evil can design a PC case that has reset button same size and shape like USB port and place it next to USB ports.

age++;
work++;
learn++;

I hope this year will be as meaningful as this year was... and the best thing happened to me was coming to devrant and having support, warmth and love from you guys.

love ya all

Found something true as 1 == 1

My biggest dev sin is not writing any unit tests for devRant :/

Still so good 😅

Classmate sees C#
"C hashtag"

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
WHY ARE YOU HERE?

Shit happens... but never let your shit go to far... specially while in production or drunk.

Went to visit a friend and I saw this. Here I am half hour later still crying.