Pretty accurate 😂

Boss: "I don't want to comply with the GDPR"

Me, DPO: "I've told you the house rules. You must comply, stop arguing"

Boss: "But I don't want it. Bobby doesn't have to, and Eve doesn't have to, their moms are cool"

Me: "I don't give a crap about the other kids, you're going to be GDPR compliant. Bob and Eve will end up being raped in prison. It's that what you want?"

Boss: "What if I just pretend to do it."

Me: "I'll take away all your marketing toys. No more mailchimp for you young man."

Boss, crying: "You wouldn't touch my Facebook pixel!"

Me: "Especially your Facebook pixel. I'm so sick of that thing...."

Me: "...Look, you can still play with your toys, all I'm saying is you need to be honest and ask your buddies for consent before you put your pixels up their various holes"

Boss: "But they will never agree!"

Me: "Maybe that is good thing"

Boss: "But how will we get people to like us if I can't feed them pills and insert probes into their holes to measure their responses?"

Me: "Maybe you should focus on being a nice kid, someone people like to play with. Your buddies will tell other kids that you're a nice guy. Now, I'm not going to lie to you, it will be hard work. Much more effort than what you're doing now. But you know, those friends will stick with you for decades, instead of just until the marketing-drugs wear off"

Boss: "I think I want a new mom"

Me: "You signed a contract. You're stuck with me for the next 2 years. And as long as you're living under my roof, you will follow my rules."

!rant

Microsoft is finally doing something right with Windows.

Coming soon: tabs in Explorer, tabs in Notepad, tabs in Command Prompt, TABS EVERYWHERE

!rant
Oh boy, all the new toys are ready. The next months sure are gonna be fun...

For the privacy conscious people under us, take a look at the search engine searx.me.

'but I don't believe it respects privacy when it's not open sour.... ' - it's entirely open source.

You can even install it on your own server!

My dad believes in hiding his passwords in plain sight

He puts them all in a
readme.txt sitting next to the Canon printer exe file. 😂

It's my birthday and my girlfriend knows me all too well

So adopting this price list. Like right now.

Learning a new technology:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
6. Ohh, cool feature~

You know how shitty Crystal is when you need this setup to try and get it to work across environments. (ಥ﹏ಥ)

Made a playlist for my boss

When your shower uses more guthub then you..

Some Breadboard wires porn

Found this at my job :)

Fuck the cookie warnings on websites!

They don't do anything helpful and are just fucking annoying. Especially on some websites where they take up half og the fucking screen.

Tumblr devs be like...

User:"It's not working"
Me:"Have you turned it off and on again?"
User:"Yes"
Me: goes down there, system uptime is 360days...
"How do you turn it off?"
User:"by pressing the button on the monitor

When you move ssh to a different port

(found: https://twitter.com/GonzoHacker/...)

Friend: Man you're a programmer why aren't you a billionaire already like the others??

Me: It's not that easy believe me.

Friend: I have a great idea for an app something like facebook...can be that hard?

Me: :/

Friend: you could do that instead of your no pay opensource shit...

Me: FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID BULLLLLSHIT GO FUCKING DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT !!!! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE ..STUPID SON OF A BITCH.

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google's pizza.
- So it's a wrong number?
- No sir, Google bought it.
- OK. Take my order please ..
- Well sir, you want the usual?
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, thick crust
- OK! This is it
- May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato?
- No, I hate vegetables
- But your cholesterol is not good
- How do you know?
- Through the subscribers guide. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years
- Okay, but I do not want this pizza, I already take medicine
- You have not taken the medicine regularly, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 tablets at Drugsale Network
- I bought more from another drugstore
- It's not showing on your credit card
- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement
- I have other source of cash
- This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you got it from undeclared income source
-WHAT THE HELL? Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet,where there is no cell phone line and no one to spy on me
- I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport as it has expired 5 weeks ago..

#chromesucks

When your boss want's you to rewrite your licensing software because they need it to have a trial version... When I asked them in the beginning they told me 'No, we don't need that'....

Fuck me this is going to take me at least some minutes... I hate people