🤔 If developers were linguists...

Person 1: How do you say "????" in Italian?

Person 2: Why don't you use Japanese? It's a much better language.

If your IDE found

10 errors

and 47 warns

would you correct them

or let them slip.

YO ...

His palms are sweaty

Knees weak, arms are heavy

The tests are failing already

Code spaghetti.

He's nervous,

But at his laptop he looks calm and ready
To squash bugs

But he keeps on forgetting

What he wrote down, the whole team goes so loud

He opens his file, but the code won't come out

He's chokin', how, everybody's jokin' now

The deadline run out, times up, over, blaow!

Snap back to reality, oh there goes file integrity

Oh, there goes documentation, he choked

He's so mad, but he won't give up that easy? No

He won't have it, he knows his whole header's code

It don't matter, he's dope, he knows that, but he's broke

He's so stacked that he knows, when he goes back to his mobile home, that's when its

Back to the office again yo, this whole rhapsody

He better go capture this moment and hope it don't pass him

Note: All credits to the original owners of these phrases.

Amazing, oh wait...

Answer to all bosses, managers and TLs...

Covered on the helpdesk at my new job yesterday. The only tickets that came in were for me anyways so all I learned is that the back room gets pretty cold.

Working on some 2 year old php code don't know who has written it.
Found a function with some 500 lines of code and there is 3 times MySQL connection is initiated overriding same fucking variable with hardcoded database parameters in all of them
What the fuck man😦😦😦

Plus I have just started revewing the code there are tons of files and everywhere connection is hardcoded.

I have to confess, the first time I saw a framework like bootstrap I hated it because I didn't understood most of the HTML with a lot of tags with classes everywhere. It took me like 3 weeks to learn how to use it right and I made 3 websites from 0 in the process.
One day I read about a framework that uses Material Design rules (which I apply in my electronic projects with rgb screens). Since that moment I started to use it. I love how easy it´s to do a complex thing with a few lines.
For those who are starting with web design, give it a try to these frameworks. They will make your life easier. I was the kind of guy that writes every single line of html, css and javascript by hand.

You know that feeling when something works perfectly after hours of tries, and then when you change something completely not related it magically stops?

Wow, what a bunch of weirdos waiting for the Apple store in my city to open. Isn't it perverse to queue up for hours just to be able to BUY a product? It's not like you get a discount or anything. No - just because... I don't know... Why don't you wait a day or two longer or just simply buy it online? This cult-like obsession to be the first with the newest product can't be healthy for our society.

2 weeks 😄😂

Yesterday, I tried to code without googling to see how far I can go. After 20 minutes of coding I run into a problem. I just couldn't make my angularjs app to work with ASP.Net MVC antiforgerytoken. I tried my best to solve it but no luck.

After 2 hours I finally gave up and connect my laptop to network and search for answer, within a few seconds. Google give my this link: http://ojdevelops.com/2016/01/....

After only few minutes I finally make my code to work. And I realized that there is no way I can figure this things out using only my head. I still need the help of community to get things done.

So my question is. During the 80's and 90's how did the old programmers get themselves unstuck when problem like this arrive?

While I am self employed, my clients can end up like my boss. In this case, one of my clients is the best "boss" I have ever had. We discuss everything from ethics to npm to development to board games. And we still get the job done.

He challenges me constantly to improve, and then we laugh over how we disagree with concepts, frameworks, etc. And we still get the job done.

It's fantastic to have a client who understands that you should be paid for your time, that lets you get what they hired you to do done without micro managing you (you trust me to actually do what you hired me to do? *gasp, shock*), and still enjoys the small talk. Though some of our ethics and society discussions can be rather large discussions.

Finally the last part came, to build my first IoT device 😁 now I just need the time to make it 😅

Fuck college I need sleep

| Me and my team presenting an half-assed AI project to our lecturer.
Note that the algorithm doesn't work and we have a placeholder |
Lecturer after looking only at the UI: The project looks very good, I believe we are done here.
Team member: Don't you want to check the code?
Me: *trying to choke him without anyone noticing*
Lecturer: No need.
Lives were saved that day.

Quick vent...

I just hate how other people in my organization keep blaming the systems instead of taking a second to verify if the data that they are feeding the system is accurate!!

It's like adding "4+5" in a ti83 and blaming the TI engineers because the result is not the "4" they wanted! 🤨

i posted a question 43 seconds ago. there is no way you can read this whole question in 43 seconds and i already have a -1 downvote on stackoverflow.

i feel like these fucking cunts just downvote out of boredom just because they feel like it

I dare you to share your worst burn-outs , ever experienced ! And what are you doing now , to prevent it ?

Best boss I have ever had?

He owned a car dealership and made me the first fulltime employed webdev in a car dealership in germany.

He believed in me and our mutual vision, and we had an awesome 7.5 years together. he gave me time to develop myself and to develop software and websites.

through my software and process optimization we were able to go from 300 sold cars per year to 3000 without hiring any more employees and without increasing workload and stress on the employees.

When I had my last day at his company, he didn't show up.
I was mad like hell, because we have spent so much time together, went to many countries together, even slept in the same hotel bed! I considered him pretty much a friend, even though he was my boss and 10 years older.

Much later he told me that he didn't show up on my last day because he didn't want to cry.

now we meet every 3 months and go out, eat and drink and just talk and laugh.

best guy ever, will never forget what he did for me.

An open letter to the guy that commented on my website:

«Function X does not work. This program is shit. I am going to uninstall it and tell everyone.»

I'm sorry that my completely open source project didn't work for you. The fact that I lost countless days and months and years working on it in my free time, without ever asking for a cent, just trying to do something good for the community, doesn't give me the right to release a feature that may be buggy.

You could have opened a bug report. But that takes time. A whole 2 minutes. I understand the urge to post such a harsh public critic on my website. That's why I was so calm and understanding when I replied to you there.

However, it's a long time I wasn't browsing devRant and I confess I felt the urge to tell you to go fuck yourself. And this is the best place to do it! I'd pay to know you. I'd love to see your face. Oooh you must be so confident of yourself. I'm sure you have accomplished a lot in your life. So here's my message:

Go Fuck Yourself Asshole

Addition to my posts about getting accepted to faculty of information technology at the Czech Technical University in Prague:
I am now officially in the student life mode :D
Tasting the life at a dormitory and living on my own... (still okay considering that I don't have to work for money, I just ask my mom to send more money when I don't have anything to eat so I can buy the cheapest food I can find to live yet another day 😇)

Soo does anyone reading this post happen to be living at koleje Strahov? I'm in block 7 and you can find me by looking for an MSI gaming notebook with devRant stickers all over it. Hit me up and we can go out and have some beers :)

What do you hate the most about your favourite programming language?

Today I saw this in our code base:
private static final int THREE = 3;

To do this:
rating += THREE;

I laughed, and cried a little.

"Jim, can you tell me why my e-mails aren't getting to clients?"

They're being marked as spam...

"oh damn, how can we fix that?"

You can't. You can change the structure of your e-mails to look less spammy, but it's on their end.

"This is a disaster, we can't have our marketing e-mails marked SPAM!!"

Have you tried not spamming people?

"WE'RE NOT SPAMMING PEOPLE, THEY EXPRESSED A LEGITIMATE BUSINESS INTEREST"

No, you bought a mailing list and put together an e-mail campaign.

"But we aren't spamming people!"

IT VS Marketing 100% of the time

😂😂😂😂Omg what did i saw

People complaining "oh I always have trouble figuring out if the clock goes forwards or backwards in October"

Bitch please, I'm dealing with 12 databases, with SQL dates as local timezone timestamps, and an influxDB in UTC. I'm dealing with a backend server configured in CEST and a middleware layer configured in Pacific time, and a hundred functions which try to keep everything straight because no one dares to migrate it all to UTC at this point.

In the whole argument about DST you hear about sleep psychology, electricity bills and farmers.

But what about me, the poor database administrator? What about all these ugly legacy systems, what about all the UX designers trying to fix time input pickers?

I spend 2 months a year in agony having nightmares of rips and folds in the flow of time. DAYLIGHT SAVING DOESN'T FUCKING MAKE SENSE HOW CAN TIME EXIST TWICE?

Hey docker

Eat my ass

My colleague is trying to add voice recognition to the mobile application
so each time he says "TEST" the mobile application answer with: The color is red so he rage and scream.

and now I can't stop laughing

He wasn't really my boss, I was an "intern" at my uncle's company, I was really just messing around and running errands for people there but I helped in the IT department setting up machines an so. This guy was the head of that department, he was the coolest person on earth, super nice guy that was always looking out for us.

I would say he was more of a teacher/father to me than a boss, he helped me a lot not only with technical skills but as a person, back then I had a really bad temper.

He recently past out, hella sad.

Spent the entire morning updating a SQL query.

Client wanted to have different expiration times for different products. So the full package would be 1 year of access and a module would only be 6 months. Then when you renew your account the renewal is 1 year if you have the full package else it's 6 months.

The query takes 0.7s to run and left joins 3 tables. Only to return about 100 results. Still it's faster than the guy who wrote the original query which just dumped the hole db into memory then looped through it appending valid entries to a new array.