CLI > GUI

Sleep schedule : fucked 😮
Eating schedule : fucked 😓
Me : not getting fucked 😭

It blows.

But not much.

My internet is so slow, it's just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person.

Oddly true

Just ordered my rubber duck. It'll be here in 2 to 3 business days...

Thanks for the suggestion Google.

Exactly

—_😂_—

The bugs have learned to hide

Oldies

Her: Why do you need 3 monitors??
Me: Why do you need 6 bags on the hanger, permanently, and 23 pairs of shoes?
Her: :/

My conversation with my wife today, while I was at work:

Wife: The wifi isn't working.
Me: What's it doing?
W: Not working
Me: Try turning it off an on again.
.
.
.
Me: Is your phone on LTE? Or is it connected to wifi and the internet isn't working?
W: LTE. Aubrey (my wife's sister) said she turned it off and nothing happened.
Me: did she turn it back on?
W: Do you really want me to answer that?
Me: Just making sure. What lights are on on the router?
W: (Sends me a picture of the router with no lights on)
Me:...
W: Oh it isn't even plugged in
Me:...
W (after a couple minutes): Its working now!

YES I REALLY WANT YOU TO ANSWER IF YOU TURNED IT BACK ON!

The post button should say "Commit"

middle finger

hi I am kinda new here,

I can't do without a keyboard.

Anything with Jetbrains on the cover, IDEA, Android Studio, Clion. Can't imagine how I'd work if these IDEs weren't doing half the work for me.

I find it difficult to develop with no monitor.

Next goal : +666

So they were having trouble with the server always being slow and maxed to 100%, so the boss told me when wait times were hitting 5+mins due to server trying to catch up, he complained at me, said if I could get the wait time to 30sec to instant he would raise my pay to 90k a year, then walked away after I agreed, I was quite serious but I don't think he thought I was, so I decided to look over the system, IDK who but they put all the calculations and processing server-side for the CA's on floor then sent the completed view to the CA, so I spent months recreating the entire system except the server only pulled the data needed then the new client would do all the processing on their computer since they weren't doing anything anyways, I did a practice run today as its one of our peak days, wait times went to barely 5secs or "instant" according to CA's, I walked into the office, slapped that hourly report down after just two hours and showed the massive increase in employees production times.

That look on his face...
That look on my face...
That look on my next check...

Bliss

Dear programmers everywhere who keep your blogs running for years after you stop posting: Thank you!

Every Dev vacancy should be like this and I mean EVERY! weed out the fucking posers

Specially if you've never had one

When technology becomes naughty 🤣🤣

😲😲😲😲😲😲😲

"Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen." - Edward V Berard

Writing a dot and trying out every interesting function autocomplete gave me

Looking for a bug.

Plugged headphone into my ears.

Suddenly part of code caught my attention, started debugging.

10 minutes of intense debugging, wondering why there's no music in my ear.

Realised I forgot to plug the headphone into my mobile :(

"Siri, is any beer left in the fridge?"

"I don't care, ask your new bit** Alexa! "

Entering BIOS be like