When you use a new technology without reading the documentation first.

Take a look at this absolutely gorgeous icon i made

!rant

Somebody is having fun today 👍

Girl: "hey"

My Brain:
java.lang.NullPointerException:
at net.brain.functions.Talk.retrieveSpeech(Talk.java:2978)
at net.brain.functions.Talk.createFlirtyResponse(Talk.java:3132)

Me: null

*Girl walks away*

So apparently this is an official company in the UK

This is where US's bandwith is going

when you check the commits to see who wrote shitty code

It's 2018, web developers, let get our tools on..

Client: We have a HUGE security problem.

Me: *thinks about any possible vulnerabilities* What is it?

Client: A user can take a picture of our website and steal our content.

I’m done for today.

Watched this movie called Unthinkable where the guy who is supposed to defuse the bomb is typing gibberish into Excel 😂😂😂

When your mother keep waking you up asking where is MS Office Word...

I reached a point where I'll be happily working as the kid who serves coffee and tea to random strangers and not work at a company, as a freelancer OR WITH FUCKING HUMANS!

I'm out !!

I don't understand why so many people fight this war of tabs vs spaces. My colleagues elegantly solved the problem just not using indentation at all

Lets all help them share their startup

We are in 2017! :)

Code I wrote: 15kb
NPM Modules: 198Mb

Time to move to New York!

I don't like anything political on here, but this is affecting us all, even non-US people.
Today is the day, take a stance, fight for NetNeutrality

She: Do dates make you nervous?

He: Oh yes, especially when the client and server are in different timezones and I need to calculate the difference and they are in different formats and I mean why can’t everyone just use ISO8601, right?

She: Okay never mind bye..........

Boss: Are you almost done with that project?
Me: *closing Google search of "dogs in top hats"* I need more time

Oh yes the timing is impeccable

Say this to your employees apple 😕🤔😐

Boss emailed me that I need to work again on Saturday and Sunday.
I replied with a resignation letter.

My boss to me: Holy shit dude I think you have very serious case of OCD.

Me: :/

I wish there was a .gitignore for people

Ctrl + Z in real life.

HTTP response code cheat sheet
(From /r/Programmer humor)

Got this from a recruiter:

We are looking for a **Senior Android Developer/Lead** at Philadelphia PA

Hiring Mode: Contract

Must have skills:

· 10-12 years mobile experience in developing Android applications
· Solid understanding of Android SDK on frameworks such as: UIKit, CoreData, CoreFoundation, Network Programming, etc.
· Good Knowledge on REST Ful API and JSON Parsing
· Good knowledge on multi-threaded environment and grand central dispatch
· Advanced object-oriented programming and knowledge of design patterns
· Ability to write clean, well-documented, object-oriented code
· Ability to work independently
· Experience with Agile Driven Development
· Up to date with the latest mobile technology and development trends
· Passion for software development- embracing every challenge with a drive to solve it
· Engaging communication skills

My response:

I am terribly sorry but I am completely not interested in working for anyone who might think that this is a job description for an Android engineer.

1. Android was released in September 2008 so finding anyone with 10 years experience now would have to be a Google engineer.
2. UIKit, CoreData, CoreFoundation are all iOS frameworks
3. Grand Central Dispatch is an iOS mechanism for multithreading and is not in Android
4. There are JSON parsing frameworks, no one does that by hand anymore

Please delete me from your emailing list.

"Are you familiar with uploading your code to Google Drive?"

I left the building at that exact moment.

StackOverflow is a funny place (http://stackoverflow.com/a/2276604/...)