Source: https://instagram.com/p/...

everytime i think of something i realize it goes like that

Well, ... Ok ...

Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?

Yes, I'd like to hear a TCP joke.

OK, I'll tell you a TCP joke.

OK, I'll hear a TCP joke.

Are you ready to hear a TCP joke?

Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke.

OK, I'm about to send the TCP joke. It will last 10 seconds, it has two characters, it does not have a setting, it ends with a punchline.

OK, I'm ready to hear the TCP joke that will last 10 seconds, has two characters, does not have a setting and will end with a punchline.

I'm sorry, your connection has timed out... ...Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?

Damn, 😂

A perfect date for a Programmer !!

Linux will never be the most installed OS. Just think about how often you had to reinstall Windows.

Network joke

friend: Hey you program right?
me: yea sure.
friend: What kind of phone should I get?
me: ....

Ethical question: would you work for one of the tech titans for the money they offer? Remember they're involved in lots of shady shit ;)

"I blame television and movies, especially cop shows. 'Can you improve the resolution on that face?' 'Sure, let me just pull some information that was never captured out of my ass.'" - Rod Knowlton

Whenever anyone mentions goats, I feel the need to point out the fact that they scream like humans. And then someone sent me this in response.

Me : Who wrote that monstrosity of code ? I’m going to kill someone!
Git blame !
Me : Oh never mind, it was me 4 yeas ago.

Boss: How long till it's done?
Me: 1 week

... 1 week later
Boss: How long till it's done?
Me: 1 week

... 1 week later

Boss: How long till it's done?
Me: 1 week

... 10 months later

Boss: It's almost Christmas
Me: 1 week

How machine learning works,

Interviewer: What's your biggest strength?
Developer: I am a quick learner
Interviewer: what is 1 + 1
Developer: 30.
Interviewer: Not even close, Its 2.
Developer: 2

You guys are getting paid?

Client: The webpage has been inaccessible all weekend!!

Me: Oh you mean the page you need to have a VPN connection to access?

Client: Yes that one!

Me: Are you connected to the VPN?

Client: Oh...no I'm not. *connects to VPN* Its working now.

“Fullstack dev continues to unleash his terror.”

We were in a meeting the other day discussing how we can integrate our React component with other existing systems easily — other React apps, Ionic, Angular, Vue and vanilla HTML.

All of a sudden, he opens his mouth.

Fullstack dev: So the thing is... it’s like...ummm... (he always starts after with these words. Always) since Ionic and Vue are both “angular-based”. It shouldn’t be a problem.

Me: excuse me! What do you mean vue is “angular-based”? What’s vue gotta do with angular?

Fullstack dev: You need angular installed to run vue apps and you have data binding in vue and in angular.

Me: (fuck me dead) I don’t know what that means, but I know what the Rock is cookin’. (My exact words in the meeting)

They flew him in from India and they keep extending his stay. He’s been working on the project for 2+ years now.

More to come!

I'm down to write multi dimensional Git. I'm tired of losing the code that I wrote in my dream to go up in smoke every time when I woke up.
I just want to commit and push it to the dimension that I'm livin'. So that I'll have access to the code that I wrote in my dream.

He couldn't sleep for 2 days because he missed her.
.
I couldn't sleep for 4 days because I missed a stupid ";" in my code.
#Developers

When I hear a dev say I "only"
I know not to trust them as a dev, no good devs do "only"

Old one..

Dedicated to all js devs out there!

I am worried of a future in which JS has taken over everything, fortunately wasm is here to help :D

JS developer life

ALL JS TUTORIALS SHOULD EXPIRE AUTOMATICALLY AFTER 1 YEAR AND DISAPPEAR FROM THE INTERNET FOREVER!!!!!

jeez every tutorial i start i realize is no longer relevant code after the npm install step!!
}:-(

I should quit

Really, I hate this composer / bower / npm shitholes!

Why the hell is my app 300MBs?!? Because that shitty pudding composer decided to download the ENTIRE git including README.md, examples, 5 hours of assembly-giraffe porn, my granny's pajamas and two wraps of kebabs!

How hard is it to define the folder that contains the REQUIRED library so that our project might stay at 5MBs instead of 300?