Thanks for nothing Xcode

who is a good speaker ? ...

Every damn time

But why can't I float:center?!

Me: *receives SMS from ex girlfriend*
GF: "I'm horny, whatcha doing now?"
Me: "Not much, just working on the update system to this tool which will be used with mod. Can't talk right now"

This was the fastest "murdering of the mood" I ever done.

On an afternoon the day before delivery, we discovered a crashing bug. At around 2 AM, we had found the cause and fixed it. A short sleep at home, then back to office at 8 AM because the delivery was 200 devices containing that software, and they had to be updated manually because production had put in the old image.

We seized all available computers, even those from marketing who were... surprised. Half-way in the update, we calculated that we wouldn't have enough time until the freight service would show up.

So we asked the secretary that she should be a bit flirty to the parcel guy, invite him to a coffee and chat around to buy us more time. We closed the last parcel just when he figured that he had to continue with his tour.

best lappy sticker ever. any suggestions?

Opening BIOS

What if...

LMFAOOOOOOO

I found such a treasure today in the production code.

Simple flowchart XD

Whilst I was gaming this morning, I found A person with the username 'NullPointerException' so I imediatly typed into the chat
"catch(NullPointerException e){}"

Source : Reddit

*Mom shows me laptop ad of 3000 bucks with the most overkill specs ever*

Mom: "Son, will this laptop run Google?"

Me: "Do you want to surf Google or actually run Google's server?"

Mom: *looks confused*

"I also want to use Fesabook on it"

Me: *brings her a 5 year old laptop with a new ssd in it*

*has an old i3, 8gb ram and no gpu*

Mom: "This laptop is super fast! Thanks son!"

*One hour later*

*Mom calls*

"Son, I think the laptop broke"

Me: "What? What happened?"

Mom: "I pressed a button and now all the keys are lighting red" (backlit keyboard)

Me: "You can choose the color of your keyboard mom"

Mom: "Ooh! How do I make it pink?"

Me: "You can only choose between red and blue..."

Mom: "What a ripoff"

*Hangs up the phone*

Well, that was quick 😅

CC: StackOverflow

Those LAN port splitter are getting out hand

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I present you the API I'm working with...

That's a pretty fucking useful error description right there.

🎉 Today, I quit!

🖕🏻 Hannah from HR
🖕🏻 Hot desking

👋 I will miss (most of) the other people though. They were ok.

🤔 Now how am I gonna afford my coke and Bollinger hobbies

Me as a boyfriend

Btw , am single now

On the last working day of our CEO.
CEO: As a software company, if we are to build an airplane would you ride on the airplane that we built?
Everyone was silent.
Me at the back of my head: I'll ride. I know for sure that the airplane will never start.

Me: "My PC is sad what should i do? "
Tech-Support: "what do you mean your PC is sad"

i wonder whose(developer) idea was it to put just smiley instead of meaningfull error...

Went to an art museum

You, stupid fucking game, have just sent me my new password in plain text via email?

"the password is encrypted and cannot be sent again"???
So… you send the password in plain text, and only then encrypt it, right?
But it's still in plain text in your email logs, fucking bastards.

"If you run printf(“hello world”);, it will print “hello world” every time. But if you call a Windows API, God only knows what will happen."

After solving a lot of problems in codeforces and participating in ACM to make my code the most optimised..
* In my first real job. *
Client: Your program run so fast!! I can't feel if it's doing something or not. Please make a delay of 1 second in your program! 😇
Me: 🙂🙂🙂🙂

Talking to my angry girlfriend is the hardest debugging process.
I can't even find out what went wrong

WHAT THE FUCK? IS THIS REAL?

I got a call from a managment institute asking me if I have any MBA plans after graduation.

I said no and asked the person where did he get my number.

He said: Google

Like how? How does this even work? HOW?

Linux is only free if your time has no value.