My girlfriend's dad asked me to fix his printer.

I open it up, pulled the cartridge, blowed some air and put it back again.

It worked.

He now thinks I am a genius.

How are there people liking my comments on super old rants?
Someone has too much time on their hands xD

Wow so my graphics drivers got fucked up in windows 10 and there's no way to boot into safe mode - because microsoft, being the intelligent beings that they are, decided to remove the option to boot into safe mode on bootup. Instead now you can only enter safe mode through the <b><u>GUI!!!</u></b>. unbelievable....

The reasons of existence behind every programming language.

What Developers and Drug Dealers have in common: They both refer to their clients as users.

It's happening... 😂😂😂
Wish me luck.. or roast me
Well it's gonna be dual boot so it's not permanent :P

htop running on my other screen.
Coworker: are you doing stock trading?
Me: 👌

My friend to a group chat "Is arch Linux any good"

Another friend "if you can install it yeah"
😂

We all have that one friend...

I discovered this the 'new' open source OS by Google named Fuchsia. Build from the kernel up so no Linux.

*listens to music using Samsung earphones*
Person next to me: Nice song
Neighbor: Nice song
Aliens: Nice song

Wannacry

Cat: *walks onto keyboard*
Me: Aww how cute
Cat: $ git reset --hard HEAD

@penguin @maalur LMFAO when your classmates have to save you from devrant

!rant (Silicon Valley)
What are your thoughts on seefoods pivot from hot dog to d*ck recognition?

USER: I can't see any data in the page...!
ME: ok, I'll do a check
ME: API calls get no data back. Boss, did you change anything and put it in production?
BOSS: Absolutely not, I just modified the name of what was the "Family" parameter in "Type".
ME: Seems legit. Totally agree. I'm going to lunch. Can you check in the meanwhile why calling the API with "Family" does return nothing? Thanks.

Writing AI to fight the AI that dun stole mine job.

I used "shutdown -r now" on Linux for like 4 years and my colleague just showed me "reboot" command

Fucking gnome and their stupid fucking alerts. Seemed like an okish desktop, but cosing in vim triggers a metric butt ton of alerts which interrupts my super chill beats. So, ok lets disable them. Oh look there's a toggle.. easy enough. NO because those motherfucking alerts, while now silent, still cut off my music for a couple hundred ms every time they're triggered. Fuck you gnome.

Found this gem in our production code today

I am at a loss for words. This JavaScript powers the login of a company's intranet

Should be ILLEGAL when newsletters do not have a "unsubscribe" link 😡

The Internet

I can't see an end, I have no control and I don't think there's an escape - I don't even have a home anymore
.
.
.
Definitely time for a new keyboard

Student - Teacher renaming .c to .exe make the program executable ?

Teacher - Yes

A group of people stand up and walking to the door

Teacher - Where are you all going ?

Students - We are going to drop this class.

During a software presentation for a group of clients i said:
"I reworked the interface for you. Now it's idiot-proof."

HR: We have received complain that you have been sexually harassing an intern.
Me: No, I wasn’t. Me and the new intern all we talk about is Coding, Apps, and TV-Series
HR: You are lying. I have the words that you said to the intern. Do you want me to read it out.
Me: I have no clue what I said to the intern so please read it out.
HR: You said, “Always pull before you push”. Do you remember saying this?
Me: Yes, I was teaching the intern how to use GIT.
HR: Okay, let me call the intern and let see if he says the same.

** Intern **
HR: Was he sexually harassing you today at any time.
Intern: No
HR: Did he said, “Pull before you push” to you?
Intern: Yes
HR: What does that mean, sounds like a slang for something sexual.
Intern: haha, no it means that I should pull the changes made to the files before I can push the changes I did to the code from my computer.
HR: But he said something else like he was teaching you how to use GIT
Intern: Yes, that’s what GIT is.
HR: Okay both of you can go and don’t use this type of terms in the future it doesn’t make good working culture.

HR: How many years you've been developing on Android ?
Me: Two years, with many projects on my own.
HR: So, you're familiar with Android Studio?
Me: No, I've been using "Paint" to code.

Got this from a recruiter:

We are looking for a **Senior Android Developer/Lead** at Philadelphia PA

Hiring Mode: Contract

Must have skills:

· 10-12 years mobile experience in developing Android applications
· Solid understanding of Android SDK on frameworks such as: UIKit, CoreData, CoreFoundation, Network Programming, etc.
· Good Knowledge on REST Ful API and JSON Parsing
· Good knowledge on multi-threaded environment and grand central dispatch
· Advanced object-oriented programming and knowledge of design patterns
· Ability to write clean, well-documented, object-oriented code
· Ability to work independently
· Experience with Agile Driven Development
· Up to date with the latest mobile technology and development trends
· Passion for software development- embracing every challenge with a drive to solve it
· Engaging communication skills

My response:

I am terribly sorry but I am completely not interested in working for anyone who might think that this is a job description for an Android engineer.

1. Android was released in September 2008 so finding anyone with 10 years experience now would have to be a Google engineer.
2. UIKit, CoreData, CoreFoundation are all iOS frameworks
3. Grand Central Dispatch is an iOS mechanism for multithreading and is not in Android
4. There are JSON parsing frameworks, no one does that by hand anymore

Please delete me from your emailing list.

!rant
I must be dreaming .... Honestly! I am with a client that knows what he wants and has no problem to express it in clear words. They understand my tech talk and talk back in tech as well. We are on the same page regarding best practises. They envy my work and have really good ideas and express constructive criticism. What is going on here? I must be in a parallel universe or something?
Okay, one downside... Coffee is not free but a cup is 20ct, which is quite alright imho anyway. Oh, the even bigger downside... Things have been so constructive that my time there is almost over since shit got actually done in the most efficient way ever!