This facts are killing me

"During his own Google interview, Jeff Dean was asked the implications if P=NP were true. He said, "P = 0 or N = 1." Then, before the interviewer had even finished laughing, Jeff examined Google’s public certificate and wrote the private key on the whiteboard."

"Compilers don't warn Jeff Dean. Jeff Dean warns compilers."

"gcc -O4 emails your code to Jeff Dean for a rewrite."

"When Jeff Dean sends an ethernet frame there are no collisions because the competing frames retreat back up into the buffer memory on their source nic."

"When Jeff Dean has an ergonomic evaluation, it is for the protection of his keyboard."

"When Jeff Dean designs software, he first codes the binary and then writes the source as documentation."

"When Jeff has trouble sleeping, he Mapreduces sheep."

"When Jeff Dean listens to mp3s, he just cats them to /dev/dsp and does the decoding in his head."

"Google search went down for a few hours in 2002, and Jeff Dean started handling queries by hand. Search Quality doubled."

"One day Jeff Dean grabbed his Etch-a-Sketch instead of his laptop on his way out the door. On his way back home to get his real laptop, he programmed the Etch-a-Sketch to play Tetris."

"Jeff Dean once shifted a bit so hard, it ended up on another computer. "

Y'all got any uses for 0 ohm resistors?

Great ...

They call it $5/gb hotel wifi, i call it free uncapped 100meg fibre because your security sucks

Oh and they host their entire POS (and database with backups) on the same network accessible to every TV in the hotel

There is a dude in my office who keeps clearing his throat 64-128 times a day!
It is getting pretty annoying!!!

Sometimes it sounds like a horse neighing...

Should I put some HALLS on his desk?!?!?!

Omg, delegation to others feels like the last, most difficult skill to master. Letting go can be so hard.

Patience, me. Patience.

Get yo bitch ass outta here.

Neat 😎

i just bought a $5 digital ocean droplet, installed and set up openvpn, all from my phone.

😤😤😤

😂😂😂

I chuckled

Me: *Applies for entry level full-stack job*

Recruiter: "Sorry, I can't hire you because you don't have the years of experience we're looking for. We can take you on as an intern! Unpaid of course, while we train you."🙂

Clueless Me: "Sure, why not."

*second day into the internship*

Boss: "I have this really big project, and I want you to be the lead. I'm going to be very vague about what I want, so you'll constantly have to make changes to user stories, wireframes, & database designs until I'm satisfied. Don't ask me any questions for clarity, because I'm busy 🙂"

Silly Me: "okay"

Boss: "Also, can you train all the other interns? You're so lucky! You'll get to pick the best to join your team" 🙂

Stupid Me: "okay"

Boss: *emails me a spreadsheet of 80 Front-End interns (freshmen and sophomores)*
"Did you start building the app yet?" 🙂

Me (Dummy): "You haven't approved the final wireframes ye-"

Boss: "And for the other interns' training, what did you have in mind?" 🙂

Me (Dumbass): "I made a training guide, they're already followi-"

Boss: "My project manager for this other project left, guess he couldn't handle the pressure of a real job... HAHAHAHA! You're gonna take the lead of that project, too!"
*Adds me to the slack group* 😁

Me (Imbecile): "Wha-"

Boss: "And we've been having trouble with keeping track of everyone's code. Is there something we can do instead of slacking code snippets back and forth?" 🤔😮

Me (Fucking Imbecile): "Wait, you guys are working on a project and you don't have any form of version control? Maybe we should take a few steps back and plan thi-"

Boss: "Are you gonna take initiative or not!?" 😡

Me (Enlightened): "I quit." 😑

Former Boss: "Too bad... I was going to offer you a paid role tomorrow morning. Oh well!" 😔

😅😅😅

🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄

Merry Christmas Everyone

🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄 🎄

Hi everybody!
I made a lighter alternative (307bytes) to lodash.get and Ramda.path, any comment would be really appreciated!

https://github.com/micheleriva/mjn

UTF-8 gone wrong

Celebrated saints Nicolas today with the family. Apparently my sister made a devRant account to follow me around and see how/what I'm about in this platform and get me a present based on that.

She got me this: 😍

Merry christmas from germany :)

That awkward moment when your AliExpress package has travelled more countries than you ever have

If you hate creating regex strings, this site makes it fun and easy:
https://regex101.com
Thought I'd share :P

Finally a solution tonthe long stand up calls

Witch😔

Coding in the HOSPITAL !

Unicode on a cup of joe

merry xmas. A xmas tree made with switchs.

Linux .....

In lame man terms..!

Spent 1 hour "debugging". All this time I was running the old executable. Realized, took a deep breath, ran the new executable; everything was working properly. I love my life.
This is how you waste time, buddies! 😓

Interviews be like..

This one time, a client wanted a complete overhaul of her website.

I asked her for the credentials to the VPS, She gave me some random crap to try, cause clearly the site hadn't been touched since 2003 (and boy was it fugly).

Me: Maam, these aren't the correct details.

She sends in more crap to try...2 days pass with this back and forth.

Client: "contact steve, he should have the login details"

Me: ****Calls Steve *****
Me: "Maam, he says the login details are in your mail"

Client: "well, I don't remember this fact. Steve handled everything.
Hack into the website and then reset it.

The Russians did not need login details to hack into America's system. So please, do what you have to do to get us moving."

No jokes...that was the exact crap that came out of her fingers