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Joined devRant on 3/21/2017
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There are 2 types of insulting
Normal: You are stupid
Ultra: You are so stupid you put b and h1 tags inside your title tag. (This one hurts)1 -
We are currently learning SQL with MSAccess (it's much too easy haha) at school... our teacher doesnt even know how to set primary key, so he asked us and we all knew it already😂
To understand that joke: we are 14-15 years old -
So... I still go to school.
My English teacher (I'm from Germany) wanted to watch a video with us. There was one Problem. The sound didnt work. My teacher asked for computer Freaks in class. All pointed to me. I went to the desk where the computer was standing.
They plugged the audio output cable for the speakers into the audio input of the computer (that pink microphone input)... 😥 it made some nice sounds haha
Funny thing: other teachers didnt solve the problem before me5 -
Guys...
I finally switched from eclipse to netbeans! *hurray*
But it was not easy...
Netbeans didnt want to import first, so i coded myself a little program that prints a complete config file for my project...
So that was done.
But the colors... So ugly.
So i changed them to my eclipse colors.
Finally, after 3 hours of configuration and getting to know how exporting works, I AM DONE!
EclipseUsers--;6 -
When you're not creative enough to make a post that would give you some stickers but you have a 3D printer...30
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Short personal Code Editor Review:
Atom (web-based)
Speed 👎
Packages 👍 (relatively up-to-date)
Features 👍
Visual Studio Code (web-based)
Speed 👉
Packages 👍
Features 👍
Sublime Text (native)
Speed 🚀
Packages 👉 (not as up-to-date)
Features 👍
Verdict:
Having worked with all of those editors for at least three weeks each I have come to the following conclusion:
I liked Sublime Text most primarily for it's performance, but was a little disappointed by the fact that the packages were not updated as frequently, not available or VSCode had some that have better support.
Second would be my current editor, Visual Studio Code, which I only use because I need certain packages that were not present on Sublime Text.
Atom is not bad either, it just happens to be the least recent editor I used, it was quite slow but an overall solid editor.
If I had to choose to use one for the rest of my life, I would probably go with Sublime.
I think there is little margin between features across all of those editors, only exception being performance for Sublime Text. I also quite liked the file organisation design of it (which I can't really say about VSCode).
Those are my subjective opinions on the editors, hope it helps some of you decide which one to give a shot next!36 -
1. Customer wants X.
2. Developer delivers X.
3. Customer wants developer to change X to Y for free.
4. Developer demands money.
5. Customer gets mad.
6. Developer compares situation to ordering a hamburger, consuming it, and demanding a pizza for free because customer didn't like the hamburger.
7. Customer pays20 -
┓┏┓┏┓┃
┛┗┛┗┛┃\○/
┓┏┓┏┓┃ / Friday
┛┗┛┗┛┃ノ)
┓┏┓┏┓┃ Deploys
┛┗┛┗┛┃
┓┏┓┏┓┃
┛┗┛┗┛┃
┓┏┓┏┓┃
┃┃┃┃┃┃
┻┻┻┻┻┻17 -
So...Today I found an SQLI (sql injection , google if you're not aware) in one of our products , I start exploring it , I get my trusty Kali on me workstation . sqlmap etc. Tell my manager it's a true positive... I start exploring the db , half the devs at my manager's place start staring at his screen as I proper fuck a QA db server... I hear a qa guy mention triangulation as sqlmap dumps a uid table in his face . I hear my manager's manager saying 'this has been in our app for so long and we found it just now ? Who found it ?' *manager proudly saying me name* 'He's still working this late ?' ...apparently now my trip to england is getting covered for both me and me gf by the company...18
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So this just happened:
Sarah = best friend (random name)
Sister: Hey, could you help, sarah's phone isn't recognized by her computer anymore.
Me: What phone/pc does she have?
Sister: iPhone/Windows.
Me: Has she checked the drivers?
Sister: *tells to check drivers, feedback:* yes, seems to be fine.
Me: *comes up with 1000 other suggestions*
Sister: *doesn't work every time*
Me: Is there any other information that might be useful in this case?
Sister: Well, she dropped her phone in the water earlier, the phone is hardly responding.
Me: THE WAT? AND YOU DIDN'T THINK THIS WOULD BE WORTH MENTIONING IN THE BEGINNING?!? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.16 -
A scammer called me today. They were saying that harmful files were moved to my computer and they needed to remove them. I don't think they are ever going to call me again.
S = scammer; M = me;
S: this is tech support we need access to your computer because we detected harmful files and need to remove them.
M: oh my! Hold on, let me go to my computer now. How can you access it?
S: we can just use RDP and delete the files. They are in a hidden folder that is encrypted so this Is the only way.
M: oh ok I believe you. Hm... it looks like my son only allows certain IP addresses to access our computers.. I don't know how to disable this so can you just email me your IP address?
S: Sure...
He then sends me his actual IP address... it doesn't even look like a proxy or VPN.
M: oh my I forgot that you need my password to login. It's really long and complicated... can I just email it to you?
S: Sure!!
I then tell him to hold on I have to find it that my "son" stored it somewhere.
At this time I'm taking a photo of my bare ass and attaching it to the email. I then say in the email "Please note what my job title is in my signature.. I just sent the FBI your name, phone number, email, and IP address. Please enjoy my bare ass, you'll see a lot of it in prison."23 -
Everyone here ranting about a fucking missing semicolon. I can't remember the last time a missing semicolon was the issue...
You wanna know what's REALLY BALL-BUSTING????
WHEN THE FUCKING 10 y/o LEGACY CODEBASE, CODED BY FUCKING PHP WORDPRESS SCRIPTERS WHO THOUGHT THEY COULD BUILD AN ENTERPRISE SHIT CAUSE ZF2 "LOOKS EASY" AND THEN FILL IT UP WITH SPAGHETTI, IS SO BAD WRITTEN THAT IN ORDER FOR THE PAGE TO RENDER YOU ACTUALLY ****HAVE**** TO DISABLE ERROR REPORTING SO WHENEVER A FUCKING ERROR HAPPENS ON THE TEMPLATE RENDER COMPONENT OF ZEND FRAMESHIT 2, YOU'RE LEFT WITH A FUCKING BLANK PAGE AND NOTHING IS LOGGED TO THE LOG FILE, SO YOUR ONLY OPTION IS DIE() DEBUGGING LINE BY LINE ON THE 1300 LINES PHTML FUCKFEST OF A VIEW THEY HAVE.
MISSING SEMICOLON? YES PLEASE, GIVE ME MORE OF THAT SHIT38 -
"You gave us bad code! We ran it and now production is DOWN! Join this bridgeline now and help us fix this!"
So, as the author of the code in question, I join the bridge... And what happens next, I will simply never forget.
First, a little backstory... Another team within our company needed some vendor client software installed and maintained across the enterprise. Multiple OSes (Linux, AIX, Solaris, HPUX, etc.), so packaging and consistent update methods were a a challenge. I wrote an entire set of utilities to install, update and generally maintain the software; intending all the time that this other team would eventually own the process and code. With this in mind, I wrote extensive documentation, and conducted a formal turnover / training season with the other team.
So, fast forward to when the other team now owns my code, has been trained on how to use it, including (perhaps most importantly) how to send out updates when the vendor released upgrades to the agent software.
Now, this other team had the responsibility of releasing their first update since I gave them the process. Very simple upgrade process, already fully automated. What could have gone so horribly wrong? Did something the vendor supplied break their client?
I asked for the log files from the upgrade process. They sent them, and they looked... wrong. Very, very wrong.
Did you run the code I gave you to do this update?
"Yes, your code is broken - fix it! Production is down! Rabble, rabble, rabble!"
So, I go into our code management tool and review the _actual_ script they ran. Sure enough, it is my code... But something is very wrong.
More than 2/3rds of my code... has been commented out. The code is "there"... but has been commented out so it is not being executed. WT-actual-F?!
I question this on the bridge line. Silence. I insist someone explain what is going on. Is this a joke? Is this some kind of work version of candid camera?
Finally someone breaks the silence and explains.
And this, my friends, is the part I will never forget.
"We wanted to look through your code before we ran the update. When we looked at it, there was some stuff we didn't understand, so we commented that stuff out."
You... you didn't... understand... my some of the code... so you... you didn't ask me about it... you didn't try to actually figure out what it did... you... commented it OUT?!
"Right, we figured it was better to only run the parts we understood... But now we ran it and everything is broken and you need to fix your code."
I cannot repeat the things I said next, even here on devRant. Let's just say that call did not go well.
So, lesson learned? If you don't know what some code does? Just comment that shit out. Then blame the original author when it doesn't work.
You just cannot make this kind of stuff up.105 -
//long rant but worth it ;)
In our class, we had some writing in Word.
I was the smart PC guy in the class which everybody asked for info. Even the teacher sometimes asked me.
There was a girl in class which I didn't really like, because she had a snoopy attitude and thought she is a queen.
In MC Word you can hide the toolbar with the little arrow on the top right below the close button.
Somehow the girl hid the toolbar and didn't know to let it reappear again. After half a hour the teacher got to the next lesson.
She held her hand up and reported to the teacher that here PC has problems. After 10 minutes try & error from the teacher he even didn't get it.
Now the teacher started the rant and shout at her: "How did you even manage to do this? Did you upload a virus? I bet it is a virus! Do you know how much it costs to repair this pc? It's sure over 1000 $."
The rant continued for 15 minutes. After that I felt a bit guilty and even I didn't like that girl, but nobody deserves such a harsh treatment.
Without saying anything I went to the computer, clicked the little arrow and the problem was solved. The teacher didn't say anything to this topic. Just said we can go early.
Sometimes dump people make a elephant out of a fly, just because they don’t know it better…
Well the girl still stayed a cunt till the end of my scholarship.17 -
NSA: Hey, its looks like you a bit lonely
Me: Yeah sort of
CIA: (Retrieves list of facebook friends), why not hook up with these people
Me: Not interested
FBI: The girl across your room seems to be interested in you
Me: Nah not interested
CIA: We can send someone to keep you company if you want
Me: thanks, not interested
NSA: A girl winked at you at the cafe yesterday
Me: Didn't notice
CIA: What of the lady you spoke to on the phone earlier
Me: Too old
FBI: Can you please move your webcam to the left a little
Me: Bruuuuuhhhhhh!!!19 -
Got assigned an intern to mentor him, with an explicit order not to do any of the legwork for him.
We start out with some fuzzy requirements. Intern starts overengineering a generic solution, so I make out a best architecture that conforms to the business requirements and I explain it to the intern why are we going to use such approach and tell him how we are going to do it in three phases.
I explain the intern the first phase, break it down in small tasks for him and return to my projects...
After a couple of days of no words from the intern, I decide to check up on him to see how is he progressing, only to hear him complaining the task is boring. So, instead of doing the assigned tasks, he decided he should do a "design" for a feature I told him explicitly not to do, since it is going to be designed by the design team later on.
I explain it to the intern that we have to do the boring task first because we can't proceed with the next phase of the implementation without the necessary data from the phase one.
Intern says okay and assures me he got it now. Few days later, I check up on him, and he tells me he feels he is doing all the work and that I don't contribute to the project. I call up my boss and tell him intern wants a meeting. Since I was working from home, I quickly pack my things and head to the office. Boss talks to the intern before I managed to get to the office. Once I got there, I meet the intern, and he tells me everything is okay. I ask what did the boss say to make things okay all of a sudden, and he tells me he said we are a team now. Our company has a flat hierarchy model, so he tells me he doesn't feel he needs a mentor, that we are both equal, and that I have no idea how to work in a team, and then proceeds to comfort me on how human interaction is hard and that I will learn it one day... I was like wtf?
I tell him to finish the phase one of the project and start with the phase two, and I leave home again.
I call up my boss and ask him what did he say to the intern, and he says: "nothing much, just explained the project a little bit and how it fits in the grand scheme of things.". I ask about the equal team members thing, and me not being a mentor any longer, the boss goes wtf, saying he never said anything about that to him.
So the kid can't focus on a single task, over-engineers everything and doesn't feel he can learn anything from developers with more experience, doesn't want to obey commands, and also likes to lie to manipulate others.
Tomorrow we'll decide what to do with him...
Sorry for the long rant, it was a long stressful day.86