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LocationAlmere
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Joined devRant on 5/9/2016
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IF PROGRAMMING LANGUAGES WERE DRUGS:
JavaScript = Methamphetamine:
Anyone can cook some up at home but only pros can make the good stuff without blowing everything up.
Under the influence it tries to do everything at once, in seemingly no specific order before running off and making plenty of promises - but you have no clue if it kept any until it returns.
C = Heroin:
It takes some prep before you can take a hit but when you do it's far more potent than expected. When prepped (compiled) correctly it will induce complete and utter ecstasy but any error or abuse may kill you, leave you on the floor, in a coma or wishing you were dead.
HTML = Paracetamol(Panado):
Some don't think it's a real drug and others do. Either way you should grow a pair and try something a little more hardcore.
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I came up with these after I randomly explained asynchronous js to a junior as synchronous code on meth. These were just off the top of my head, please feel free to correct or expand on them :-)25 -
So this was a couple years ago now. Aside from doing software development, I also do nearly all the other IT related stuff for the company, as well as specialize in the installation and implementation of electrical data acquisition systems - primarily amperage and voltage meters. I also wrote the software that communicates with this equipment and monitors the incoming and outgoing voltage and current and alerts various people if there's a problem.
Anyway, all of this equipment is installed into a trailer that goes onto a semi-truck as it's a portable power distribution system.
One time, the computer in one of these systems (we'll call it system 5) had gotten fried and needed replaced. It was a very busy week for me, so I had pulled the fried computer out without immediately replacing it with a working system. A few days later, system 5 leaves to go work on one of our biggest shows of the year - the Academy Awards. We make well over a million dollars from just this one show.
Come the morning of show day, the CEO of the company is in system 5 (it was on a Sunday, my day off) and went to set up the data acquisition software to get the system ready to go, and finds there is no computer. I promptly get a phone call with lots of swearing and threats to my job. Let me tell you, I was sweating bullets.
After the phone call, I decided I needed to try and save my job. The CEO hadn't told me to do anything, but I went to work, grabbed an old Windows XP laptop that was gathering dust and installed my software on it. I then had to build the configuration file that is specific to system 5 from memory. Each meter speaks the ModBus over TCP/IP protocol, and thus each meter as a different bus id. Fortunately, I'm pretty anal about this and tend to follow a specific method of id numbering.
Once I got the configuration file done and tested the software to see if it would even run properly on Windows XP (it did!), I called the CEO back and told him I had a laptop ready to go for system 5. I drove out to Hollywood and the CFO (who was there with the CEO) had to walk about a mile out of the security zone to meet me and pick up the laptop.
I told her I put a fresh install of the data acquisition software on the laptop and it's already configured for system 5 - it *should* just work once you plug it in.
I didn't get any phone calls after dropping off the laptop, so I called the CFO once I got home and asked her if everything was working okay. She told me it worked flawlessly - it was Plug 'n Play so to speak. She even said she was impressed, she thought she'd have to call me to iron out one or two configuration issues to get it talking to the meters.
All in all, crisis averted! At work on Monday, my supervisor told me that my name was Mud that day (by the CEO), but I still work here!
Here's a picture of the inside of system 8 (similar to system 5 - same hardware)15 -
It's about to be 4:20 on 4/20 get ready to run all your scrips now as you cannot have an unexpected token at 4:20 on 4/20, all token is expected then.1
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Parents:why is my iPad so slow?
Me: It's old (1st gen that came out in 2010)
P:well just clean it up and make it go faster
M:Theres nothing to clean... Theres only a browser app and solitaire....
P: well just fix it so it's faster
M:....... *turns it off and on again*
M: All fixed1 -
"I will go to sleep after i fix this bug" 10min later I look outside, North Korea and the USA are fighting a nuclear war, russia invaded europe, hitler rose from the death and there's even more javascript frameworks8
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Don't watch video tutorials while lifting weights. I was reading what was being typed, and forgot I was holding 150 pounds over my head.3
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Starting to feel that devRant is a really nice place to hang out.
Even though we have differences in languages (C#, PHP, JavaScript, JAVA), culture (semi brackets, tabs and spaces) and tools (Sublime, vim, nano, Atom) but we strive to be a better coder by encouraging one another or ranting to blow some steam.
Like seriously guys, you guys are awesome! It feels that I am becoming more human by visiting devRant (or maybe I'm turning into AI).12 -
Had 4-5 hours of sleep last night because I had to wake up early this morning for an internal demo of the feature I worked on. It was scheduled early morning because the boss was busy.
I come to the office looking like a zombie, practically sleep walking my way to the office, and guess what... The app server is down! Yay.
I had to reschedule it to right in the middle of lunch time because hey... The boss is busy. Now everyone in the team hates me for ruining their lunch.
Now I'm sitting here, staring at my code, remembering the sweet luxury of sleep.2 -
Hello! For everyone who wants to follow progress of the hackathon where team devRant is programming etc, go to the following link (sorry, can't help the popup warning at the moment): https://teamdevrant.rocks.
Enjoy!17 -
Hai devs!
Team devRant here.
Some sad news, my teammate can't participate for reasons I don't need to disclose.
I'm not stopping though, I'm going in alone! (Or well, physically).
I'll post the link to the updates (and more) site later on but the important part:
It starts at 12pm EU/Amsterdam time and stops tomorrow at that same time!
Working on a livestream =)
Cheers!9 -
Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Versace tie, gets out and asks the Shepherd:
Man: “If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?”
The shepherd looks at the young man, and then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies:
Shepherd: “Okay.”
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Webster, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with logarithms and pivot tables, then prints out a 150 page report on his high-tech mini-printer. He turns to the shepherd and says,
Man: “You have exactly 1,586 sheep here.”
The shepherd cheers,
Shepherd: “That’s correct, you can have your sheep.”
The young man makes his pick and puts it in the back of his Porsche. The shepherd looks at him and asks,
Shepherd: “If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?”
The young man answers;
Man: “Yes, why not?”
Shepherd: "You are an IT consultant."
Man: “How did you know?”
Shepherd: “Very simple. First, you came here without being called. Second, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, and third, you don’t understand anything about my business…Now can I have my DOG back?"3 -
Hello devRant and devs!
Next week I am going to attend to a hackathon organised by my study (24 hours) and me and another guy are going together (or, maybe one more person but not sure yet).
We are going as: team devRant!
My idea is to at least do a quick status update/vlog every x hours and maybe a webpage where I update peoples but I was wondering if anyone here would like to see the event, see the updates/vlog stuffs or maybe not at all?
It will also be live streamed onto the internet!
Would like to hear your opinions on this =).16 -
Hello again devs!
The hackathon where team devRant is going to participate is only one day out!
Today will be a lot of preparations, buying foods, caffeine (will need that for staying awake for about 40 hours approx), sports (promised this guy so this is gonna be fun). And last but not least, today I'll hear what the thing we're going to have to program is (a rough summary)!
The status/vlog page is nearly finished so I'll be statussing and vlogging tomorrow.
If anyone has any ideas as for the status page etc, please shoot away, there's going to be a chatish thingy as well =).18 -
My chair at the office, it's arms are broken, but I don't mind it very much, because I care about my company and want them to buy my whenever they have extra money4
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You know what I hate? Git commit messages stating 'fixed tests' or 'fixed docs' or 'fixed integration problems'. You did not fix anything, fuckhead. You updated the code, introducing more bugs as usual. FIXED?! NO, UPDATED! That's what I hate.1
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I always forget to commit my changes and then when someone reminds me, I usually commit 1 weeks work in one single commit.6
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I just saw a rant about a fix price website request and I wonder if anyone creates websites for a fix price in some cases.2
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Just in time for my Spartian score ~
This just popped up in my mind since I saw this post in the week :
Do you ever code in your free time ? And do you use your applications ? Or propose them publicly ?8 -
I was doing code reviews for some of the new Devs recently joined... One guy wrote his entire life history in the check in description... Like Why he took this approach, why interfaces are necessary in coding, when did he lost his virginity (I doubt he ever did), what's his pet name? - sadly no information related to his online banking... Shame really...
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Here to represent project managers.
Who was saying what about us?!
Talk now or forever hold your peace!4