I feel like I always be a forever alone.

12:30pm - I can't code any more, what does this function even do?
12:45pm - What's a function?
12:59pm - I still don't know what a function is
01:00pm - *Eats Lunch*
01:05pm - My code makes perfect sense

Alright, so, let's say you're me. 16 years old, just started a summer job at a networking company. It's me and three others, and the people who hired us, quite frankly, aren't as prepared as they should be. So we get our first task at around 4, are told it's meant to last the week, and go home. Get back in the morning, find out someone did all the work overnight

Full stack developer at work.

remember you. When you feel pissed; focus on something that fulfills you; fulfills your soul; instead of focusing on shit you cannot change or have no control over

When God coded people, i think he forgot to write documentation for the brain

Attention: incomming resentful boiled up for months rant.

Hands down G2APAY is the worst because:

Merchant account aproval takes fcking months. It starts with unreasonable delays in documents approval. I mean insane nitpicking. They want to see merchants name surname and address on every god damn document that you submit even if for example bank statement doesnt include these details. I had to manually edit pdf’s just so that they would fck off and approve the merchant application. Insane requirements for document check also combined with their email only support answering only once a week you will have to wait one month just to get your account approved.

Then you get to the fun part, approval proccess for vendor gateway and webhook integration. They are nitpicking everything you can imagine: about website not having https, website forum missing some icons, merchants phone number being from another country then he is, and bunch of other hundreds of problems imagined only by them. Again combined with their one email reply per week policy you will waste atleast one month to finish up your integration.

Now finally you are their client and you think you can chill and go back to focusing on your business? Nope bro. Prepare for threatening emails. Last time I got a request to install https or my merchant application will be shut down. I was given 3 days notice on a fcking friday and had to do it.

Then g2a backend is crashing quite often. Combined with their one email per week policy you are fcked in the ass if your users were not able to pay through g2a and you will get no compensation.

Their backend documentation is shiet. Not clear how to integrate everything and after you integrate they make changes without publishing any changesets. Your integration is working? Good luck if it will still be working tomorrow.

And the very worst part is that they stopped proccessing credit cards like month ago with zero notice. Its been weeks and still zero news about bringing card proccessing back. They sad that they were acquired by some other company so shitty support got even shittier now while they are in a proccess of handover.

So yeah thats the worst vendor I have ever seen in my life. For example integrating paypal took me 30 minutes. Integrating stripe and getting all documents reviewed took me one business day. Same with paymentwall integration and document approval took 1 business day. Support is amazing and even have a phone number that I can reach if urgent problems arise. Thats how it should be. Thats why I can pay percentage of my transactions with a smile for them.

Sorry for the typos since im typing on my shiet phone while driving.

Eat a bag of dicks g2apay. I hope you go bankrupt and shutdown.

“Fullstack dev continues to unleash his terror.”

We were in a meeting the other day discussing how we can integrate our React component with other existing systems easily — other React apps, Ionic, Angular, Vue and vanilla HTML.

All of a sudden, he opens his mouth.

Fullstack dev: So the thing is... it’s like...ummm... (he always starts after with these words. Always) since Ionic and Vue are both “angular-based”. It shouldn’t be a problem.

Me: excuse me! What do you mean vue is “angular-based”? What’s vue gotta do with angular?

Fullstack dev: You need angular installed to run vue apps and you have data binding in vue and in angular.

Me: (fuck me dead) I don’t know what that means, but I know what the Rock is cookin’. (My exact words in the meeting)

They flew him in from India and they keep extending his stay. He’s been working on the project for 2+ years now.

More to come!

We code hard in these cubicles

My style’s nerd-chic, I’m a programmin’ freak

We code hard in these cubicles

Only two hours to your deadline?

Don’t sweat my technique.

Sippin’ morning coffee with that JAVA swirl.

Born to code; my first words were “Hello World”

Since 95, been JAVA codin’ stayin’ proud

Started on floppy disks, now we take it to the cloud.

On my desktop, JAVA’s what’s bobbin’ and weavin’

We got another winning app before I get to OddEven.

Blazin’ code like a forest fire, climbin’ a tree

Setting standards like I Triple E….
Boot it on up, I use the force like Luke,

Got so much love for my homeboy Duke.

GNU Public Licensed, it’s open source,

Stop by my desk when you need a crash course

Written once and my script runs anywhere,

Straight thuggin’, mean muggin’ in my Aeron chair.

All the best lines of code, you know I wrote ‘em

I’ll run you out of town on your dial-up modem.

Cause…
We code hard in these cubicles

Me and my crew code hyphy hardcore

We code hard in these cubicles

It’s been more than 10 years since I’ve seen the 404.

Inheriting a project can make me go beeee-serk

Ain’t got four hours to transfer their Framework.

The cleaners killed the lights, Man, that ain’t nice,

Gonna knock this program out, just like Kimbo Slice

I program all night, just like a champ,

Look alive under this IKEA lamp.

I code HARDER in the midnight hour,

E7 on the vending machine fuels my power.

Ps3 to Smartphones, our code use never ends,

JAVA’s there when I beat you in “Words with Friends”.

My developing skills are so fresh please discuss,

You better step your game up on that C++.

We know better than to use Dot N-E-T,

Even Dan Brown can’t code as hard as me.

You know JAVA’s gettin’ bigger, that’s a promise not a threat,

Let me code it on your brain

We code hard in these cubicles,

it’s the core component…of what we implement.

We code hard in these cubicles,
Straight to your JAVA Runtime Environment.

We code hard in these cubicles,
Keep the syntax light and the algorithm tight.

We code hard in these cubicles,

Gotta use JAVA if it’s gonna run right.

We code hard in these cubicles

JAVA keeps adapting, you know it’s built to last.

We code hard in these cubicles,

Robust and secure, so our swag’s on blast

CODE HARD

started on the new job today, and to be honest I'm a little depressed about the technology we make.
i have this class in college about the history of technology and my professor called technology "the science of productive work". is that all there is? make tools so people can work more? is that all there is to life? it's fucked up if you think about it at all

"why dont you just go on a vacation?"

Why dont you just earn a billion dollars? Or why dont you just fuck your mom in her asshole from where you came from? FUCK YOU

FUCK THOSE PEOPLE WHO TELL ME WHY DONT YOU JUST GO ON A FUCKING VACATION

A few of Stux's !dev pet peeves

1) People that walk slow as fuck in the middle of a side walk. Like hurry uppppp. I've gotta get 0.5 miles in like 8 minutes and you blocking the walkway doesn't help.

2) People that don't understand how side walks work. Treat it like the fucking road. ⬇️⬆️ Is the pattern in which you should walk. It's not rocket science.

3) People that start walking up the bus steps as I'm clearly walking forward to get off. Ffs let me off and THEN get on you stupid bitch

4) people that bike or ride their skateboard/longboard around campus but are moving slower than I am while walking. If you're gonna do that hop the fuck off and carry the damn thing.

5) people that don't try to solve an issue with their code on their own BEFORE they call the professor over. (There goes the !dev lol)

6) people that act like their favorite musician or athelete or actor or anyone fucking famous they play kiss ass with can't be criticized. Just bc they're famous and/or good at what they do sure asf doesn't make them perfection and I retain the right to voice my opinion.

My name is Stuxnet and you're watching Disney Channel.

I resigned yesterday to focus on my business full time. After 5 years and 1 previous failed attempt to leave the company, its finally done.

My boss threw his toys out of the pram and was borderline abusive about the whole thing. "it's like a kick in the balls" "you've clearly been planning this (said in an accusatory tone)" "you've said you were leaving before which is why you have 3 months notice now (to which my response was, and that is why I am giving you 3 months notice?!)"

Along with many other comments and general angry tone.

Honestly, I couldn't sleep the night before as I was so nervous. We're a small company and to some degree, a kind of family so I didn't want to break that. The more he spoke though, the easier it got. It simply cemented by decision to leave. They made no attempt to keep me. Showed no support. No gratitude for my 5 years of service. Nothing.

Well, you will be down your only dev in 3 months so good luck, I suspect you'll need it more than I will.

our company just lost one stream of revenue that was responsible for 40+% of the companies income. I'm hopeful they can get it back, but I think I should start looking at job listings...

Me: I can fix that workflow in about five minutes, In fact I can do it right now as we are speaking on the phone.

Customer: okay well... let me contact the director and make sure it’s okay that you fix it.

Me: I won’t make any changes to how it functions I’m only going to make it work again as it used to

Customer: we might need to schedule a meeting to talk about this because I’m not sure that we should be changing the site without permission

Me on the inside: I literally have global admin rights, unlimited power in Sharepoint, am responsible for making sure this stuff works, and BUILT this fucking thing, so now that I’ve been alerted of an issue I’m going to fix it. You are welcome to blame me if your boss is upset about it but I’m not going to wait for a fucking meeting to make sure it’s okay that I update a god damn email address in a workflow.

Me IRL: okay sounds great let me know when it is :)

Poor friend on the verge of punching a hole in his laptop because shitbeans(netbeans) runs like ass on his Windows machine(and just about every other ide for that matter). I bust out the good ol USB stick with Ubuntu still burned in that has been buried in the recesses of my backpack for aeons and get him up and running in 5 mins. Shitbeans boots up in a quarter of the time, other friends take note and request my services. Now I am considered the “plug” and instead of leaving an 8 ball on your desk for an undisclosed amount of cash. I convert my friends from the path of wickedness.

At some maybe you should think, this is getting a little too complex....

I think devrant should be renamed to windows haters club. I prefer and use Linux but damn...

I just started learning it, but SQL is really cool 😎

Me: "Oh, I see the problem.... Ctrl ^C"

App: "Received interrupt signal. Ignoring."

Me: "That's not how this works. I tell you to quit, and you quit. M'kay pumpkin? ... Ctrl ^C Ctrl ^C Ctrl ^C ....."

App: "Received interrupt signal. Ignoring."
App: "Received interrupt signal. Ignoring."
App: "Received interrupt signal. Ignoring."

Me: "Stubborn piece of crap."

App: "Crash."

No work is going to be tolerable if you don't enjoy it. If you got into programming or IT or any industry simply for the money you can earn doing it, you're in for a BAD TIME.

I love computers, linux, programming, configuration, automation, and problem solving. So I love what I do. I am currently three weeks into 13 weeks of parental leave, and I have been having dreams about work at night.

The best piece of advice I can offer to someone who has trouble getting motivated is: make sure to like it first.

Google! What the fuck are you doing with your design?!

Just updated my chromebook and what the fuck is this ui!

If you like PHP in the back-end, you're gonna LOOOVE it in the front-end!

Hahaha guys look what I've just found:
https://github.com/oraoto/pib

Who needs javascript am I right?

Software Vampire IBM strikes again. I wouldn't be surprised if RedHat turns to shit in the next few releases.

So I bought myself some computer glasses after feeling uncomfortable looking at a screen with "bare" eyes (I don't wear corrective glasses).

But the other day, I lost them.

I looked for them everywhere, under each grain of dust I could find. They were nowhere to be found.

Reluctantly, I bought new ones. They arrived today, I unpack them, test them, and then do some flat cleaning. I lift some envelope and...

My first pair was sitting there, innocently.

Fuck me.

Always the best timing.

I gave lift to an old man. Starting the conversation
He: what do you do?
Me: I am a software engineer
He: Nice....... where do you get the material to build a software?
Me: mmmmm google or stackoverflow
He: maybe they are new in market, never heard of them

Real developers don't use debuggers. They stare deep into the screen and let the code confess

Why does Windows use back slash and everything else uses forward slash?

sudo service evilrant start
+666