University is not there to teach anyone to code. Drops the mic.

> finds awesome software
> finishes trial period
> looks at pricing
> looks at bank account
> cries in a corner

"We're letting you go"

"Oh, why?"

"Well we gave you a laptop to work on for a reason, we expected you to take it home and have passion for your work"

"..."

Could've saved me a lot of time if they had told me from the start that they just wanted free labor

God bless those developers who give you a dark theme for their apps

In Europe, we use € instead of $ in jQuery.

I'm trying out a new rendering engine, it's pretty slow but I'm getting somewhere.

My (6 years old) client is sitting next to me and is kind of picky and tells me exactly what to do.

No payout though 🤔

My shower renders temperature as a boolean. 😩

A little while ago someone here posted something about a piece of software called Pi-Hole. To that person, i wanted to say THANK YOU!!! It is probably one of the best things i ever added to my network!

CS Professor: “What M word is the black hole to all productivity?”

Student: “Management”

CS Professor: “Was going to say meetings but that’s better”

Peer-to-peer connection.

🙂

No. More. Writing. Code. On. A. Fucking. Piece. Of. Paper.

 (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I'll spend the first twelve sharpening the axe. —A programmer.

To the MSI genius that decided to put the < and } keys in two completely random and non-standard positions: 🖕🖕🖕🖕

Some Cable porn...

Android Development be like:

- Has great idea for app or feature
- Boots up PC
- Starts android studio and creates new project
- Build error
- Gradle build failed
- Android studio crashes
- Java Error
- Shutsdown PC
- Goes and hangs himself

Pretty accurate if you ask me 😀😀😀😎

There was a problem with a server we were staging on, and I was providing DevOps help remote.

As a joke I said, "haha if you run `sudo rm -rf / --no-preserve-root` everything will be fixed!"

They ran it. RIP server-kun 2016-2018 💨

Google => googled

Duck duck go => duck duck went?

🤔

When you don't have money to pay a designer so you decide to do it by yourself.

It's my first try...

A while ago I encountered this atrocity

Btw all these cat memes are home made, freshly baked

Strongly typed SMS

!rant

*walks into university library*

*sits down at a computer 😶*

*looks around to see if anyone is looking 🙄*

*takes out laptop*

*unplugs ethernet from school computer and plugs into laptop 😯*

*50MB/s DOWNLOAD SPEEDS 😎😎*

People going to the doctor: "I'm sick, and here are all my symptoms in detail."
People who have a problem with their cars: "My car don't work, here's everything I've noticed"
People who have a problem with computers: "COMPUTER DO NOT WORK, THANK YOU"

(From https://twitter.com/Metrokun/...)

Every computer programmer. :)

Finishing projects instead of starting new ones

Someday my GitHub will look like this as well.

Problems with Android development

1. Android Studio is shitte
2. Android API is shitte
3. Gradle is shitte
4. Emulator is shitte
5. My life is shitte

(sensitive parts censored)

Friend: Hey, can you hack my (some website) account?
Me: Depends... What's your username?
Friend: (tells username)
Me: (clicks forgot password?)
Friend: I will give $10 if you do it. There is 2 factor authentication enabled.
Me: (silence) Ok.
Website: Please type the class number you were in in 4th grade.
Me: Hey, did you graduated BLAH elementary school?
Friend: Yeah.
Me: Ahh, I remember. You moved to BLAH elementary school in what grade?
Friend: 4
Me: Hmmm, I don't remember seeing you. What class were you in?
Friend: 5
Me: Well, I now remember. Stupid me. (smirks)
Friend: Haha. (continues to play games beside me)
Me: (Types in 8)
Website: We sent you a password to blah@example.com
Me: (uhh, heads to example.com and clicks forget password?)
Email: Please type the class number you were in in 4th grade.
Me: (wtf is this, types 8)
Email: Please type the teacher's name when you were in in 4th grade.
Me: What was the teacher's name?
Friend: Huh?
Me: When you were in 4th grade.
Friend: Ahh! John Smith.
Me: Ahh, he was strict, right?
Friend: Yeah (continues to play games again)
Me: (Types in John Smith)
Email: Set a new password.
Me: (Types "youaresostupid")
Email: Done!
Me: (copies PLAIN TEXT password from email, logs in to website)
Me: Da-da!
Friend: (gasps)
Me: Money plz~
Friend: Nope.
Me: (wtf, then remembers i changed his email password) Fine then.

=====================

1. There is 2 factor authentication enabled. : Got it?
2. The website sent plaintext password.
3. He is just pure idiot.
4. I didn't got the money.
5. I am now a h4x0r

The first time I learnt about regex and used it. It was magical.

Me: I’ve been in the web since 2006, of course i know html,css,javascript.
Also me: Google how to center a div.