2011: 3 billion devices run Java
2018: 3 billion devices run Java

Never leave your login on a postit

Give that man some HUGE FUCKING COOKIES!

Never laughed so hard before. Worth the time. Totally!

Source: https://blog.toggl.com/world-create...

Dear people of Subway, just because i am using cmd, it doesnt mean i am
"Hacking your wifi network" and asking me to stop is rather unneccessary

So true! 🤔

Just set up a Vim profile on my keyboard. Is it going to help me any? Probably not. But it does look cool!

Yes indeed

*Stages of debugging*
1. That can't happen.
2. That doesn't happen on my machine
3. That shouldn't happen.
4. Why does that happen?
5. Oh, I see.
6. How did that ever work?

Best computer/hacking/tech TV and movies?

I'll start the list with some of my favorites.

1. Hackers
2. The Net
3. Jumpin Jack Flash
4. Antitrust
5. Swordfish
6. Wargames
7. Mr Robot

Anyone else?

The bugs have learned to hide

What did I do wrong ?

*Me Coding with a laptop and desktop when friends enter *
Friends : u r a coder right? Hack something in front of me.
Me : *sick of explaining ppl*
*SSHs into lap from desktop and shuts it down*
See. I hacked my lap
Friends : whoa! Cool man

Fixing a parents iPhone, episode 1.

Problem: "Whatsapp is gone off my phone"

Debugging:

Me: *unlocks phone and sees whatsapp*, it's right here.

Mam: no, I no that I can't see my messages.

Me: ok, that is definitely not what "whatsapp is gone off my phone means".

*opens whatsapp*
*inside add contact screen*

App seems ok, your trying to add a contact?

Mam: that's a problem, whenever I open it I only see that page.

Me: *taps cancel button with shocked face*

Mam: omg there's my messages, how did you do that?

Me: ... ... ... I tapped the very easy to see, large cancel button in the top right hand corner.

Mam: but why was it opened there?

Me: *looks at opened message from unknown number*

If I was to hazard a guess, now stay with me on this one as it's a bit complex. I think ... I THINK ... you clicked the "add to contacts" button on the screen in front of you.

I am suspicious of one thing though.

Mam: what's that?

Me: how you managed to click the add contacts button, and when brought to the add contacts screen, you assume the app is broken.

Mam: oh will you **** off you sarcastic little ****. Thank you very much.

Me: no prob, 4 year computer science course put to great use.

Everyone else on discord be playing games, Me:

Looking through someone's code and oh no :(

//TODO: Laugh

Friend: "Why did you buy a Macbook Pro? Look at the specs, the RAM, the storage, the processor.. heck, ain't it overpriced? I wouldn't if I were you"

Me: "No, I didn't buy it. My company gave it to me when I joined them."

Friend: "Oh.. okay... hey, is there any job opening in your company?"

How to make sure your users appreciate your work

Just saw this comment in our code:

// TODO: think of a better way to do this

Committed June 12, 2012

Grandmothers reaction: "So can you repair my TV then? "

Of course... that is totally what a computer camp is supposed to look like

I made this amazing website. You guys should take a look at it. http://localhost:8080

My wife opens a document, writes her entire paper and uses the close ❌ button to save it.

I think I married an adrenaline junkie.

My internet is so slow, it's just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person.

Linux : Born to Be Root
Windows : Born to Re Boot

Now we can say that " Hey Siri, open Google Assistant "

Mr robot Season scheduled on 05-10-2017
Hell yeah!

That moment when you boot up your dev environment.

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google's pizza.
- So it's a wrong number?
- No sir, Google bought it.
- OK. Take my order please ..
- Well sir, you want the usual?
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, thick crust
- OK! This is it
- May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato?
- No, I hate vegetables
- But your cholesterol is not good
- How do you know?
- Through the subscribers guide. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years
- Okay, but I do not want this pizza, I already take medicine
- You have not taken the medicine regularly, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 tablets at Drugsale Network
- I bought more from another drugstore
- It's not showing on your credit card
- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement
- I have other source of cash
- This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you got it from undeclared income source
-WHAT THE HELL? Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet,where there is no cell phone line and no one to spy on me
- I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport as it has expired 5 weeks ago..