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OP: https://mobile.twitter.com/jbwol/...

Can confirm. It is really like this.

Our manager is not a developer and he has no idea of what we are doing most of the time, but he thinks that stand-up meetings are the coolest way to control us.
Sometimes coworkers joke about his lack of knowledge and today I think we reached the highest jerk level: «Yesterday I opened a new branch on the git repository and today I'll continue on this task».
I struggled to stay serious on my turn.

specifically the macbook
- via CodeHumour

I just want to cancel. 😐

HOW TRANSIT SHOULD WORK
🚌 🏃
🚌 🏃
🚌 🏃
💨 🏃
🚶‍♂️ oh fuck I missed the bus
🚶‍♂️ glad there's another in 6 minutes!

HOW TRANSIT DOES WORK (IN THE US)
🚌 🏃
🚌 🏃
🚌 🏃
💨🏃
🚶‍♂️ oh fuck I missed the bus
🚶‍♂️ not another for an hour
🚶‍♂️ hope I don't lose my job.

I'll just leave this here

me: I don't have access to X project

PM: you don't have access to X project?

me: no, I don't have access to X project

PM: don't worry I'll take care of that

2 min. later

PM: so, you were saying ... ?

me: that I don't have access to X project

1 month later

me: I don't have access to X project

PM: you don't have access to X project?

I fucking hate non-technical founders looking down on the tech team as if it we're dispensable, and as a result, undervalue us in terms of money and equity.

In that mood where I'm excited to code until my hands hit the keyboard then I just go off to YouTube or smthn

Normal programmers cheer up when their code runs,
Haskell programmers cheer up when their code compiles.

Warning! There is no warning!
me: - thx

Our PM hears us talking about git repos, and responds by referring to it as, "get," as if she was correcting our bad pronunciation.

To all developers who think "I don't need to delete that one 1KB temp file"

FUCK.YOU.

You are not the only garbage developer who does not clean his shit up. The reason we need TERA FUCKING BYTE storage devices nowadays is because you incompetent shit heads have no idea how an application has to properly work. A temp file is not there to exist for ever. HENCE THE FUCKING WORD TEMPORARY

I'm in a situation at work where management and even the team I'm on, does not want to create a test suite, because:
1. It takes time to get decent code coverage. Time that could be spend doing new features
2. My team doesn't like to test.

We're now in a situation where we break something every single fucking time we relase and the manager just ignore that it's now a common occurrence. It it literally just a matter of time before the entire fucking backend will shit itself over poorly maintenanced code (who has time to do refactoring anyway) and poorly tested flow.

It annoys me greatly that a developer with many years of experience fails to see and understand that just doing test by hand, screws us over so badly.

As a junior dev, i would like to know, how are your team dealing with testing?
Because we're clearly not...

New neighbor came in yesterday, she cute, and apparently she also goes to the same college as me, though... when she came in last night to thank me she thought I was doing something illegal

Neighbor: "What are those?"
Me: "Lemme ex-"
Neighbor: "Are you doing [hacky hacky uwu]?"
Me: "First before you get the wrong-"
Neighbor: "I'm call-"
Me: "This is a fucking weather sattelite reciever ffs"

[Awkward silence]

Fast forward to today, landlady came in and immediately recognized my weather sattelite rig (I did it for a science fair before I graduated SHS), told neighbor she shouldn't worry because I have stuff like this everyday

God, if it wasn't for our landlady, I would have the police in my ass for neighbors getting the wrong idea...

Seriously nani the fuck

After 'Dev' deployed a service using Azure ServiceBus, a particular queue/client was receiving errors.

Dev: "Looking at the logs, client is getting faulted."
Me: 'What is the error being logged?'
Dev: 'Client is faulted'
Me: 'No, that is our error when the client is either unable to connect or there is an exception in the middle of sending a message. What is the exception from Azure?'
Dev: 'Client is faulted. That's it. I'm going to have to re-engineer the code to implement a retry policy.'
<OK, I smell someone cooking up some solution finding, so I dig into the logs a little further>
Me: "Looks like an invalid connection string. The actual exception being thrown and logged is from the Azure client connection string builder. The value cannot be null."
Dev: "No, I'm looking right at the connection string in the config. Looks fine."
Me: "Looks correct on your machine, but what is actually being deployed to the server?"
<I could tell he was getting agitated>
<Dev clicks around, about 10 min. later>
Dev: "Aha!..I found it. The connection string in the config on the main branch is wrong, in fact, the entry is missing."
<dev fixes, re-deploys, life is good, I document the error and the root cause>
Boss: "Great job Dev."

*sigh* ..go teamwork?

I guess my best AHHA moment was back when I learned that good code is simple code.

When I started out I wanted to prove myself by showing of how good of a programmer I was(and which I retrospectively wasn't) , which basically meant to use every high level concept I was aware of whenever possible. Multi threading where linear execution would have been totally okay, polymorphism with x meta classes where a switch would have been enough, all that shit.

It wasn't until I had to guide the first person through that mess of useless ego stroking that I found out how much time and money I wasted by not going with the easiest approach that solves the problem.

Took me some time to fully lay off that attitude but it surely was one of the most influential moments of my career.

When it finally clicked on how to write tests first and I could actually make code progress with it.

So far this basically describes my experience as a freelancer.

After trying 4 different versions of installation, applying patch, digging through obscure sites, down the rabbit hole, finally

ERROR at 97%

(; _ ;)
Back-up plan : Forget everything... buy land somewhere in the in the mountain and be a farmer.

Me:(kills the CTRL +S buttons saving something)
Boss: what are you doing ?
Me: nothing much, saving a document.
Boss: is that the best way to save it?
Me: no, it got saved the very first time, the rest is to convince my heart I saved it.

Boss: ... ... ... fair enough.

It says "There was no battery found."

This laptop was not connected to a power adapter, but Windows also said that there is no battery. Did I missed the update where Microsoft implemented magic wireless energy?

......

I decided to start learning go yesterday.
I had a Fun little automation task at hand and got to work...

The next time I checked the clock it was monday 02:40 AM

Getting up at 06:10 was hard...

Well I did exactly what it said I would.

~During app demo to our client~

- And when you click here the request will be submitted, the admin will be notified.
*App crashes*
- And of course the app will close itself since it's the end of the process.
- Client: That's good
- Me: ⊙﹏⊙

PM: 2 months? no thats way too long, do it in 1.

Director: I had a chat with someone else who doesn't work on this team, he says that developer you complained about is a good guy and we should keep him on the team.

Business: No, we don't have time for tech debt, lets build these new features as quick as possible and lets see where we are.

everyone: WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT CRASHED AGAIN??? THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE

Today I've been mocked by a fucking coffee machine.

So I was at a small train station, everything was already closed except for a small coffee machine

Dumb I, for whatever fucking reason, decided it'd be a great idea to get a highly overpriced cup there.

Now, the fucker made me the drink but instead of giving change, it started "shooting" coins in my direction (there was no flap on change box)

As I'm picking up my change, this abomination of a machine performs a cleanup, spitting some shit into my drink

I couldnt drink it obviously .. threw the overprices drink away, bought another one... Got shot with coins again... Whata pain... Just to figure out... There's no more cups 😭😭

It made the drink into the tray...

AaaAaAAAaaaaAAA

Fml

When...
- you start the day with good intentions.
- you want to fix some long-due issue
- you think: I'll google it and I'll solve it. What can it be? I just want to track correctly my subdomains with all-mighty Google Analytics

and the first answer you find is:
"Unfortunately, Google Analytics has a few hoops to jump ...blablabla More unfortunately, the Google Analytics documentation is unclear ...blabla"
and 20 more pages of blog.

Fuck.
Let's skip to the next good intention before the day turns bad

I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you hardly ever do any thinking and even on those rare occasions the results make me wish you hadn't tried.