Not laughing.

Not cursing.

Both for interviewing and being interviewed.

Some interviews could have been taken straight from a mexican telenovela.......

"Yeah, I worked for a year in the Walmart IT administration."

"Ok, what did you do?"

"Oh I had the high responsibility of taking care of swapping printer cartridges, programming the registers, stuff like that..."

"You apply for a senior database management role, you're aware of that?"

"Yeah. I took a bootcamp for 3 months in the evening after work. I'm up for the job and expect a payment of <lol, even having a stroke while writing a payment check that number will never happen>".

I made that up - but we had these cases... The story is just rewritten and mixed up for obvious reasons.

When I'm being interviewed, the same thing can happen by the way, too.

IMHO a interview is made not only for the company, but for me as an employee, too. I don't sugar coat it. I want to know what type of shit I'm getting into and how much I'm drowning in it.

Some "types" of interviewers react kinda funny when I start roasting them with questions...

For example, the authoritarian type usually reacts with disrespect. How dare u piss on my front lawn.... Kind of reaction. Which makes it hard not too laugh, because who wants to work for someone who throws a tamper tantrum during a interview? Even harder when the same guy promised you heaveb before (the flowery kind of bullshit, like everything's peaceful and fine and teams great and they have such a great leadership...)

Even worse is the patsy.

When you're sitting in an interview and the only answers you get are:

- Sorry, I don't know.
- I'm not allowed to ....
- Not in my area of expertise....

All just nice ways of saying: I will say nothing cause then I'd need to take some responsibility.

:)

The most Mexican telenovela stuff though in being interviewed is when I managed to divide a team of interviewers and it starts to become a "Judge Judy" or similar freaked out justice show...

A: "No, our team doesn't work that way".
B: "But you will in the short future, WE committed to it".
C: "Not that I'm aware of".

And me, an obvious sinner and person who enjoys entertainment and schadenfreude, just keeps adding kerosene to the fire.

"So, it seems like the team of A has its own rules which do not apply to B and C, do they also have greater funding?".

Oh it makes just fun to spur a good blood bath.

It’s time.

FUCK YOU FRONTEND DEVELOPERS!!!

What the FUCK is wrong with you!?

Could you please STOP creating ”innovate” user interfaces….

Just FUCKING STOP!!!!!

Web after web after web and I can see 100 different fucking date pickers. I mean. WHAT-THE-FUCK!!!

And the menus. GIVE US A FUCKING CLEAR UNDERSTANDING WHERE THE FUCK I AM.

And clicking back SHOULD FUCKING WORK YOU RETARDS!!!

YOU IMBECILS!

And remember the scrolling position. WHAT THE FUCK!? I did that shit

15 YEARS AGO

YOU FUCKERS!!!

It is just… a sad, sad place. I wish the old web was back. Super quick. Simple. Clear.

I get it. It is better now but IT IS NO EXCUSE TO JUST SKIP THE FUNDAMENTALS!!! You bastards!!!

AND WHY THE FUCK THE LARGE IMAGES!? You should have solved this by now!!! Fucking MB!? Are you serious? Did your mother not love you enough?

Oh man that felt good…

Somehow further back on this ticket than when I started. How does that even happen?

I went from okay I can replicate the issue and trying to fix it to now the data I need to replicate it won't even load. WTF?

I don't know
Senior doesn't know
Our boss doesn't know
3 seperate QAs don't know
Boss of QA doesn't know

There is no reason for any developer to not know git well. No fucking reason. Stop making shit harder for everyone by being like “oh I’m not the keenest on git” STFU and just learn it better you pussy.

I messaged a professor at MIT and surprisingly got a response back.

He told me that "generating primes deterministically is a solved problem" and he would be very surprised if what I wrote beat wheel factorization, but that he would be interested if it did.

It didnt when he messaged me.

It does now.

Tested on primes up to 26 digits.
Current time tends to be 1-100th to 2-100th of a second.

Seems to be steady.

First n=1million digits *always* returns false for composites, while for primes the rate is 56% true vs false, and now that I've made it faster, I'm fairly certain I can get it to 100% accuracy.

In fact what I'm thinking I'll do is generate a random semiprime using the suspected prime, map it over to some other factor tree using the variation on modular expotentiation several of us on devrant stumbled on, and then see if it still factors. If it does then we know the number in question is prime. And because we know the factor in question, the semiprime mapping function doesnt require any additional searching or iterations.

The false negative rate, I think goes to zero the larger the prime from what I can see. But it wont be an issue if I'm right about the accuracy being correctable.

I'd like to thank the professor for the challenge. He also shared a bunch of useful links.

That ones a rare bird.

Remember that 'solo standup' I was 'shaking in my boots about'?

Should have started at 9:30

Yeah, well its O9:40... the managers aren't even here yet...

So much respect in this team!

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

I got assigned approximately 20 tasks, all are high priority.

Coworker got assigned 2 tasks, (“like fix button sizes and padding”, “localisation “)

He completed.

I got questioned: “are you sure you are a senior developer? Are you doing your work at all? If your coworker can finish low priority tasks in a day , why you as a senior can’t? “

Me :”if you have the ability to see , please tell me how many tasks I have that are in high priority.”

“Exactly, I need you to complete it now , I expect more from you as a senior. “

Me: “why not you tell me which tasks are higher priority? Because can’t be all are urgent. If everything is urgent , nothing is urgent.”

“Stop giving excuses, be a team player.”

Me :” how is it making excuses for asking urgencies of the tasks?”

“Hahaha you called yourself a senior. What a joke”

Me:”likewise, you called yourself a Project manager yet can’t manage. What a joke indeed.”

managers: We're all aligned! Let's work as a team and get this started!

devs: ok...

managers and devs meeting to discuss next features: * canceled by managers *

managers: (word for word, can't make this shit up) we cancelled the meeting, we will define the roadmap for everyone

> WE will define the roadmap for EVERYONE

devs: uh wtf???

one hour later, managers: guys we are defining the roadmap can we have a call to discuss?

fucking asshat, insolent, disrespectful pieces of shit

Colleague started to share their screen

Me: screen is not visible to be

Them: let me just increase the brightness of my monitor

Running a script to do some checks on a list of Git repos.

One repo is taking ages to clone.

Take a look at the repo…

A 8 FUCKING GB VAGRANT DISK IMAGE IN IT.

Hey. This code look broken. What should I do?

It isn't broken. It's doing what it's supposed to.

Well, it's hard to follow, but it certainly doesn't look right. And it isn't doing what I expect. Also, why is it calling method(a_class1_or_class2) with a class3?

It isn't hard to follow, and it works just fine. Let me show you. ... huh. looks like it isn't right. and there's a comment here saying the calls aren't clear. but it works just fine. Just copy it over and do it the same way.

I already did that. and it isn't working.

What are you talking about? Of course it works fine. Did you check your code?

------

Really, dude? It doesn't work fine. but, guess what? It works fine* when I change it to call that method with a class2 like it asks for. (Surprise!) But I can't tell him that. Nope. Bossmang get offended. Still won't admit I was right about anything, either.

Ahh... the continual joy of working with (and for) trash.

* well, more fine; the rest of the feature is still wrong. but nope, i'm not allowed to fix it. because why would they want anything to work properly? Already-accepted wrong behavior is good enough. Can't clean up the code, either, because that "muddies the waters." Bitch, I couldn't see the bottom of this sewer if it was half an inch deep! Which is more important: the last contributor entry beside the code, or that code being readable and maintainable? or it, you know, working?

doot doot.
need to scoot.

Interviewer: Do you know what Kubernetes is?

Dev: Yeah, that’s the greek god of spending money in the cloud.

Interviewer: Actually Kubernetes is an orchestration tool. Have you not been on a project that uses it yet?

Dev: …

Manager: You know you did good this week, take the entire day off tomorrow

Dev: Really?

Manager: Yeah my treat.

Dev: Can you send that to me in an email?

Manager: ….I mean yeah, but I don’t see why that is necessary

*** About halfway through The next day

Manager: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?! YOU HAVEN’T COMPLETED A SINGLE TICKET TODAY OR REVIEWED A SINGLE PR OR EVEN SO MUCH AS ATTENDED THE STANDUP. EXPLAIN YOURSELF!

Dev: You said I could take the day off today?

Manager: YEAH BUT YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY TAKE IT OFF!! I WAS GIVING YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW DEDICATION TO THE COMPANY BY COMING IN ANYWAY BUT NO YOU THOUGHT YOU’D JUST TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OUR GENEROSITY AND HAVE AN ENTIRE DAY TO YOURSELF?! GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS, THERE ARE URGENT TICKETS ON THE BOARD!

Dev: …

Mac: Hello welcome please sign in

Dev: Fair enough

Mac: Oh you haven’t signed in in awhile please get get verification from other device

Dev: kk

Mac: Oh you don’t have a dev account, please sign in on this website

Dev: Hm.

Mac: In order to sign up for a dev account you need to download this app

Dev: ???

Mac: Are you sure you want to open this app you just downloaded?

Dev: Sigh.

Mac: In order to sign up for a dev account on this app you need to sign into it

Dev: For the love of god

Mac: Ok now you can build with Xcode.

Xcode: No you can’t. You have to sign in

Dev: fuck sakes.

Mac: Are you sure you want Xcode to access files on your computer?

Dev: …Yup

Xcode: Signing in isn’t enough you have to select the fact you are signed in a dropdown nested 3 menus deep.

Dev: God damn.

Xcode: Build failed please sign in to phone as well.

Phone: New sign in detected, please verify with alternative device.

Dev: Jesus.

Xcode: Build success! Pushing to iPhone.

Dev: Finally.

Xcode: Unknown error occurred. Please go to support.apple.com for help. :)

Dev: …

Interviewer: Hello I’m calling for your phone interview now

Dev: You’re about an hour early calling but I can accommodate

Interviewer: Well it’s more convenient for me to do it now

Dev: …Alrighty then.

Interviewer: So I am from HR 😇*pause for effect*

Dev: …

Interviewer: Um, typically candidates start the interview by thanking me for consideration for this role.

Dev: Your job description was very vague so I don’t really know what I would be thanking you for.

Interviewer: 😡. It’s me that’ll be determining whether or not to pass you on to The Management.

Dev: …The Management?

Interviewer: Yes 🤗.

Dev: I’m no longer interested *click*.

Had QA call my "simple, quick" ticket a "monster ticket" in front of everyone. Hear it and weep, micromanager!

Also had them tell me i thought of everything, it was beautiful, and that i have a knack for frontend :)

Someone on a Facebook group asking how they can make a video auto-play with sound at maximum when a visitor hits the home page.

Me: Here’s how: Log into your site via SSH and cd to the docroot. Type “rm -rf” and hit Enter. Then throw your laptop in the river and go work at McDonald’s. Because if you are stupid enough to ask this question, you are too stupid to be allowed to own a website.

Everything in application is aligned to right

🤡 Can you alight text in that form to the left
Me: Why? All forms have text aligned to the right.
🤡: It looks better
*Add !important*

A couple weeks later, a new BUG is assigned to me by the 🤡
"This form has text aligned to the left, while all other forms have text aligned to to right"

Worked at a big company as firmware dev a few years ago (less than 2) but switched cause of bad pay. Joined a consulting firm with better pay and bemefits. In 2 weeks I am going back to the old company but as a consultat... they should have just payed me and we could have avoided this :D

First day of college

- Enters the class

- Class starts

- Teacher starts teaching JS with notepad as editor on windows xp

- Leaves

*PM on drugs*

PM: The destination list on our Infinity Rider app is not updating even after the user changes their pickup location.

Me: ???

PM: Infinity App not updating after pick up point change.

Me: Not really sure what you mean... Can I get a screen record?

PM: {{sends screen record}}

PM: You see it's showing results of old search. Not good!!!

Me: {{Watch media half way through and saw the obvious}}

Me: Results on available destination are relative to the user's current location and not the pickup address.

PM: Why would that be? Not good enough!

Me: You actually requested that implementation after I had previously made the destination recommendation list relative to selected pickup address.

PM: Please revert immediately!!!

Me: Hmmm... You told me the reason why that implementation was needed was to prevent users from selecting interstate addresses because they could.

PM: Ooh true. You can leave as is.

PM: {{proceeds to delete all older messages but last}}

Me: (⊙_⊙)

{{ 4 hours later }}

PM: I think we need to look into this implementation a second time.

User: There’s a bug in the app

Dev: How do I reproduce it?

User: I don’t want it reproduced, I want it fixed!

Dev: …

!!fml

"Root, go fix this bug. It'll take you two days."

The "bug" is a feature that was never implemented for one particular payment type.

The code in question is two years old, full of typos, smells, junior-isms, and is convoluted AF. The feature's commit touched 190 files and implemented many other features as well. Thus far, I have been unable to narrow down where this particular feature's code lives for the other payment types, nor which code or payment paths lead to it. Burned out, I can barely focus on the screen, let alone follow its many twisting and dynamically-inferred paths. I hint as to the ticket's scavenger hunt nature during standup.

"But I wrote comments on the ticket telling you exactly where to look to fix it," Thundercunt admonishes in front of the team.

"Sure, you did," Root replies. "You reworded what the original dev had said in the comments 20 minutes prior, and agreed with him. His comments were helpful, but it doesn't tell me how any of it works," she continues.

TC scoffs and closes the meeting.

Root stares blankly, seeing neither code nor screen, questions her life decisions, and recalls the previous tickets she has worked on: nearly every one of them busywork, fixing other people's bugs. Bugs she never could have gotten away with if she tried.

"Why do I put up with this?" She asks. "They don't care, and it's killing me."

But the bills remain, and so must she.

"Fuck my life" she finally decides.

User: *Clicks on staging environment*

Giant Warning Dialog: YOU ARE CURRENTLY ENTERING THE STAGING ENVIRONMENT

Users: Ok

App: *Completely different colour, I’m talking bright unsightly yellow*

User: Ok

Giant Yellow and Red Flashing Banner at the Top of the Screen: WARNING YOU ARE CURRENTLY USING STAGING, THIS AREA IS FOR TESTING ONLY

User: The production environment sure is acting strange today. It’s a weird colour and I don’t recognize any of the data, it’s all just dummy filler data. I better create a ticket for the dev team to check o—….. no wait I’ll send an email CC everyone including the CEO and sound the alarm production is currently down and filled with giant warning messages.

Manager: OH MY GOD PRODUCTION IS DOWN DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS??? WHAT THE FUCK COULD THESE WARNING MESSAGES BE THAT’S ONLY SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN ON STAGING! THE CEO IS BREATHING DOWN MY NECK YOU NEED TO GET THIS FIXED IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!

Dev: …

Was given a fancy looking pen for 3 years of “service” today.

Pen doesn’t work.

3 hours of interview end up asking me

“Are you Chinese”
“Why don’t you look and sound Chinese”
“We only hire Chinese speaking candidate”

After told them that I withdraw my application as they only hire “Chinese speaking candidate” , they started to yell “you not professional , you waste time , I will ban you for life, you quick quick go away.”

So I ended up telling people not to join that company.

I never liked YAML. But lately, I'm starting to dislike it more and more.

I mean, wtf is that?
- digest YAML input -- a valid YAML
- digest JSON input -- a valid YAML

A language that embeds another language.

Can it be any more confusing..?

Sure it can. the
```
script:
- echo "John said: hello there"
```

will fail YAML linter, because, even though I used quotes, yaml sees `echo "John said` as an object key

I think I'm yet to find more nonsense with YAML. And eventually, I'll grow to hate it.

Just got an E-Mail about a small Chrome extension I made. They want me to add a Bing search button lol. What would I get in return?
Quote:
> you could earn $0.65 per month, and we don't want you to miss out on such an opportunity

What an opportunity indeed.

!dev

Just for fun, during meetings I look up “toxic workplace checklist” (and variants) and then score my employer.

So far they’ve scored 80% and higher on all lists except one.

Now that I’ve decided to leave, none of it bothers me anymore. It’s so freeing.

Manager: Why did you clear the data from the database? The client is now specifically requesting it and we don’t have it anymore!

Dev: You told me to.

Manager: Well why did you listen? It’s obvious now that that data was very important and should have been kept!

Dev: Last time you told me to do something that wasn’t a good idea I tried to explain why and told me not to question you ever again and that doing so was “disrespectful” and then threatened to have me fired. So now I just go along with what you say and let you suffer the consequences of not listening.

Manager: Well don’t do that then! It’s obviously not working very well! It’s ok to disagree with me you just have to make sure that what you think is something I agree with!

Dev: …