There are two kinds of people...
Which one are you?

Really, every project starts the same - exactly the same:

git init

Rule 1) Always use version control.

Rule 2) Never don't use version control.

Once a customer wanted to pay our invoice cash in a meeting. Then he came up with 14995€. As we asked where the 5€ are he could not remember immediately, but then he yelled: OH YEA I GOT HUNGRY ON THE WAY TO YOU.

Cursing under your breath at some crufty, amateurish, slow-as-balls code... Checking the repo history to see what sad, soulless sack committed this abomination.. And its me.

Honesty

Dear America, it is time for us to band together and ctrl-z out of this situation 😳

Donald Trumph is a remainder that you should just apply for a job you want even if you don't have the experience!!

How many of you naturally used Allman style, even though your first programming class taught you to use K&R?

"Im a wordpress developer"

No you are a human segfault

Stop getting horny by looking BILF's and start working!

BILF's?!

Bugs i like to fix.

Already existing website, I was asked to do a few things to redo. Code is a mess, 0 comments, oldschool technology. Completely static html site of a small company, nothing extreme.

Client: okay, could you please add 2 more items to the navbar for the 2 new pages?
Me: yes, here they are. Since it was already full, font size had to shrink.
Client: it's okay

>> Fast forward 2 weeks, full of similarly easy modifications.

Client: could you make the font size of the navbar larger?
Me: not really, we will lose responsivity
Client: do it anyway!

>> Fast forward to next day
Client calls me that it is urgent to 'do something immediately' with the navbar because it is broken and I am a 'horrible webdesigner' for making a mess of her website. I was told that it is not her job to make it good look and that I should 'use my eyes better'.

After 2 minutes of a lecture on webdesign she let me tell her how a responsive website should look like and to achieve that we should better restart the whole website. At that point I was the idiot who just wants to get more money and that I won't be able to do that since I am already unable to finish these few tiny things she asked for.

It could be fun, if there is also pmRant.

Added almost 1000 lines of code. Compiled and no errors.

I was like, erghhh seriously?

Tarball of source code from a big manufacturer served on their open src page...
They forgot to delete the .git subdir!
Private keys and signing tools for everybody!!!!

P.S It's fixed by now, don't get your hopes up :P

Major state insurance provider, all past and current members data stored unencrypted (including SSN, date of birth, home address, etc.). All developers and contract developers had read access to it. Reported it, nothing was done. Reported it again in my exit interview. Was basically told they had intrusion detection systems in place so it was not an issue.

You know it's 2016 when you have to download a package manager to download a package manager to... :S

There are a shitload of them.

Runtime runtime = Runtime.getRuntime();

You can't get more Java than this.

Theres a saying that PHP stands for:
Pubertierende
Hauptschüler
Programmieren

"Pupils in secondary school are programming"

Picked up a legacy site to re-build, turns out just adding:

'?admin=1'

to the query string gave you full admin rights to the entire site without having to authenticate. The site was live for 2 years.

/bin/cat

Courtesy -

https://twitter.com/icelight_/...

Way to many...

- Passwords stored in plain text on the year 2014
- Not supporting HTTPS because to expensive
- Hidden admin URLS
- Databases available all over the internet
- Client Side validation
- IoT

When ICS teacher has you comment everything you do, including variable declarations.

An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, inn, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drink, drinks, beer, alcohol...