MFers... DevRant is not StackExchange. Got a question because you don't know how to do something? F*cking go to StackExchange and ask there.

In the digital world, rather than turtles, it's syntactic sugar all the way down -- at least until you reach the metal; then it's just a sea of electrons.

Just wondering... anyone else think having a script automatically kill gradle if it runs for more than X amount of minutes would be a great sanity saver?

"Jesus Fucking Zombie Christ I only added ONE FUCKING TEXTVIEW IN A SIMPLE GODDAMNED LINEAR LAYOUT YOU WORTHLESS MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT AND GRADLE IS STILL RUNNING AFTER FIVE MOTHERFUCKING MINUTES?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!"

Android Studio is indexing files...

welp... might as well go out and do the grocery shopping, get my hair cut, maybe go to the gym, maybe drive over to the next city and hit the casinos...

and then come back to find that Android Studio is STILL indexing files...

PIECE. OF. SHIT.

Android Studio and Gradle -- because sometimes you just need to practice unplugging your computer.

I really fucking loathe StackExchange. Some poor soul had the nerve (THE NERVE!) to ask a question about something they didn't understand (HOW DARE THEY!):

"What is the difference between a ping and a get request? The goal is to see if the site is up."

And par for the course over at smarmy-fucking-smug-pedant-land, in less than three hours, the question was closed: "[C]losed as not a real question... It's difficult to tell what is being asked here. This question is ambiguous, vague, incomplete, overly broad, or rhetorical and cannot be reasonably answered in its current form.

Allow me to indulge in some pedantic, "well actually" fuckery of my own...

Well actually, that actually is a 'real' question, because it's, you know, a fucking question. There's a question mark in there and everything! The person is asking what the difference is between two different things, and we can tell it's actually two different things because the person uses two different fucking nouns. And not only is this person asking to know what the difference is between these two different things, they even give us a use-case for why they're asking the question: they're pretty sure that they think they might know there's at least two different ways to check that their website is up, they just want to know what the difference is between those two methods -- hence the two different fucking nouns. It's almost like they're trying to give us some contextual information about why they're asking so that even if there is some vagueness to their question -- which is bound to happen IF YOU KNOW YOU DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THE SUBJECT, WHICH IS PROBABLY WHY YOU'RE FUCKING ASKING -- then a reasonable, decent, helpful person who is making a good-faith effort to be helpful can infer from that context enough information that clarifies the question enough to remove any vagueness or ambiguity and thus provide a helpful answer. AND THAT'S WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!

And what just fucking galls me to no end... the question was answered (SUCCINTLY, INFORMATIVELY, SIMPLY, AND CORRECTLY!) and even marked as accepted in less than fifteen minutes after being asked.

And that didn't stop some smug fuck from being an asshole and closing the question because "fucking scrub noobfags need to git gud."

https://serverfault.com/questions/...

If MySpace was a place for friends,
then StackExchange is the place for insufferably elitist smug cunts.

Gradle, gradle, gradle,
someone made you out of bits.
Gradle, gradle, gradle,
you're a smelly pile of shit.
Gradle, gradle, gradle,
your builds take all day.
Gradle, gradle, gradle
I wish you'd go away.

"I thought this app was a game. It isn't. Also, it doesn't connect to Facebook."

Die in a fire you worthless fucking waste of oxygen.

This is a fucking mess!!!

Refactor?!?!?!?!

Fuck it...

File > New Project

Yeah, fuck it. It'd be easier to just start over.

Just out of curiosity: has anyone EVER met this weird nephew that every twatwaffle potential client seems to have? You know, the one that would be happy to work for pizza and a six pack of beer and could somehow do in an afternoon the job that you know will take four weeks, and also, for some reason, has his computer in his mother's basement?

"The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who'll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. ... All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself."

--Chuck Close

Motivation, inspiration... works for either.

With the migration from GitHub proceeding in earnest, I am eagerly awaiting hearing:

"We decided that 'just let shit break' was the most obvious and straighforward way to document our projects' dependencies."

JFC people, if you can't understand why some people are losing their shit about MS acquiring GitHub, google "Embrace, Extend, Exterminate" and spend some time reading up about ALL the shady shit MS has done past.

Forgetting that pencil and paper are the original OS and that spending even just an hour doodling flows and writing out ideas, models, biz logic, and formulae can save me literally DAYS of hassle...

LinkedIn: I only have a profile because I like to fuck with recruiters.

"I have 30 years of experience in Java, 15 years in Android, and 49 years in C++"

And I STILL get contacted. Those people DESERVE to be fucked with.

Job interview pro-tip: when it's your turn to ask the questions, the first one you ask is "Is this job in an open-plan office?" If the answer is 'yes,' say 'thank you,' get up, and run out of there like your productivity depended on it.

Sweet Zombie NullFuckingPointerException...

New Rule: When creating an API (I'm looking at you, Java), designers must include a boolean flag in the parameter list of any method which throws a NullPointerException.
If TRUE, this means that a NULL result is non-trivial and the method should therefore THROW an NPE.
If set to FALSE, this means that NULL is completely f*cking trivial so whenever there's a NULL result, just instantiate a new instance of the return type and return that, 'cause that's what was gonna happen in the catch block of the NPE anyways.

New contract termination clause to be included in all future project contracts: "Contracting client agrees that uttering the phrase 'Your job is whatever I say it is,' or any semanticaly equivalent variant thereof is grounds for immediate contract termination. All work product and IP rights will transfer and assign to contracting client ONLY upon payment in full of contracted payment amount prorated to contract termination date."