alias please=sudo

Our university syllabus is so outdated, we are forced to do C programs in TurboC.
So we install Dosbox on Windows 8 machines...
1 upvote = 1 prayer

It changed my life, really. 😁

- Hello! Gordon's pizza?
- No sir it's Google's pizza.
- So it's a wrong number?
- No sir, Google bought it.
- OK. Take my order please ..
- Well sir, you want the usual?
- The usual? You know me?
- According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, thick crust
- OK! This is it
- May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato?
- No, I hate vegetables
- But your cholesterol is not good
- How do you know?
- Through the subscribers guide. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years
- Okay, but I do not want this pizza, I already take medicine
- You have not taken the medicine regularly, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 tablets at Drugsale Network
- I bought more from another drugstore
- It's not showing on your credit card
- I paid in cash
- But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement
- I have other source of cash
- This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you got it from undeclared income source
-WHAT THE HELL? Enough! I'm sick of Google, Facebook, twitter, WhatsApp. I'm going to an Island without internet,where there is no cell phone line and no one to spy on me
- I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport as it has expired 5 weeks ago..

I got attacked by ransomware and was asked for money...

I sent them my salary slip..They removed it from my computer immediately..

I wanna cry.

There is code reuse and then there is stupidity. This npm module has 4 dependents and 2 dependencies.

This should be the cable management standard it would take so long but keep it tidy.

I think I just invented a thing.

Mouse drop.

It should be a thing.

The next time I switch jobs I'll definitely do a mouse drop before I leave the building.

"If Java had true garbage collection, most programs would delete themselves upon execution." - Robert Sewell

"Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight." - Bill Gates

JavaScript is to Java what fun is to a funeral.

Roses are red,
violets are blue;
If I were a query,
I'd SELECT * FROM you;

😂😂😂😂😂😂

Cat: *walks onto keyboard*
Me: Aww how cute
Cat: $ git reset --hard HEAD

My girlfriend comes in and sees me on devrant.

GF: "What is that app? I see you using it all the time. Is it like an endless blog with updates?"
Me: "It's kinda like facebook. But for developers. And you don't have any friends".
GF: "That seems like a sad app"

- Knock, knock

- An async function

- Who's there?

During a software presentation for a group of clients i said:
"I reworked the interface for you. Now it's idiot-proof."

USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails

Came across a nice comparison today:

GoT: Countless characters and competing factions fighting for influence.

JavaScript: Countless libraries and competing standards fighting for influence.

My company uses SVN so I cry every time I see a git joke

Avatar builder now live on desktop web! You can add/edit your avatar from your profile. We had a little help from our friends over at Toptal with some React work, if you're ever in need of some freelance skills you're lacking, check em out.

Fuck you devrant, pseudo funny remotely devrelated things get more upvotes than juicy outbursts of rage

I just got my first open source pull request merged for a library I use!

What do you call a gay programmer?

A backend engineer

Person: Your website doesn't work.
Me: Why?
Person: Nothing happens when I click.
Me: Did you disable JavaScript?
Person: Yeah, sounds shady.

When you're preparing for a hard disk format:

What to do with a web development intern who doesn't understand the concept of git even after 3 weeks of joining?
PS: Can't fire her

Well that much is a given....

7th feb : Spend rose day by explaining my 10th grade nephew how to draw "rose" in c++.
8th Feb: nephew calls me and said thank you, his classmate agreed to go on a date with him.

When i was in 10, i was busy watching micky mouse and all.
Sigh.

Slack threads are plain shit.