it's Eid here 🎊🎉
this is POC so fare 😏

~During app demo to our client~

- And when you click here the request will be submitted, the admin will be notified.
*App crashes*
- And of course the app will close itself since it's the end of the process.
- Client: That's good
- Me: ⊙﹏⊙

Release.....

Boss: "Could you join the new DevOps team for a week or two, for some coaching?"

Me: "I'd rather watch you masturbate furiously in a corner of the office while you cry over your ex boyfriend"

Boss: "Yeah... that's why I ask you. You are the only one brave enough to watch"

Me: *Sigh* "But I don't know shit about what DevOps does, I'm a DBA. I've told you the difference a million times. Can't we just douse it in gasoline and set it on fire?"

Boss: "What?"

Me: "Not the team, the servers..."

Boss, imitating Gimli: "And my ex!"

Me: "I get why he left you"

Boss: "It's funny, he was actually better with computers than me, maybe even better than you. He hated me for starting this company, told me I was just chasing money instead of ideals. He just isn't grown up enough to see that there is more to the world than computer games, brewing beer, maker festivals and gay bars, that you need to take responsibility... Maybe it just never works out between managers and geeks..."

Me: "Indeed. The difference in competence is too large"

Boss: "Ugh. You are like straight version of him... but will you at least take a look?"

Me: "Fine, unzip your pants..."

Boss: "No, not that... you need to teach DevOps this docking thing, with the parallel stuff, and the horizontal growth"

Me: "Damn I really hope we're talking about servers now... Do you mean Docker?"

Boss: "That's it. They want to learn how to dock on the Windows servers. They reserved two 4xlarge on AWS. Is that enough for docking?"

Me: ...

Me: ...

Me: "You know what. I'm going back to hug my DB designs, and wash my brain with some queries. Then I'll return here to burn everything to the ground. There is no hope for you left"

Boss: "That's what he said"

Me: "You're using that meme wrong"

Boss: "OK. So what if you just stay on DB management, and I'll just give you the budget to recruit a new DevOps lead and pay for training?"

Me: "That would work"

Boss: "Why are you grinning?"

Me: "Because I have your ex's phone number"

(Q: How much are you allowed to Google as a developer?)

“You’re allowed to Google as much as you want. This is not school, you’re employed to solve a problem. Nobody cares whether you Google for the answer or remember the answer from another Googling.”

Stackoverflow.

Dear gradle, no offense but I believe Rome took less time to build!

My classroom had this, nice inspiration
Bad UX

Best joke I have read this week...

In my second year,
I told my teacher I can code in in C#(c-sharp).

She replied : C-sharp ? Oh you mean C-hash !

*that day I lost hope in college*

Will the bug in my code please stand up?

I repeat

Will the bug in my code please stand up?

I think we have a problem here.

*music intensifies*

Watched this movie called Unthinkable where the guy who is supposed to defuse the bomb is typing gibberish into Excel 😂😂😂

Nice...

I wish my code could smile back at me and tell me I'm doing a good job

Just had a fire drill at school. I yelled "GIT PUSH!! GIT PUSH!!".

I've always wanted to do that... :P

I always like to approach a new coding project by concentrating on the data model first. I've seen a lot of projects built on extremely convoluted database structures and it really hurts because it makes it hard to add new features to the project.

So I look at the requirements of the new project and try to come up with a basic data model. Then I like to think about what logical future additions to the project could be. And using those, I try to see if the data model is flexible enough to be able to handle those additions fairly easily or if complex migrations or hacks would be needed to account for new use cases and features.

I think once you have a solid data structure and database technology, planning out an API or rest of the software is pretty straight forward. I like to create reusable pieces of middleware early on in the project which makes it easy to apply consistent functionality with ease to different API endpoints.

How I feel when I read the code I wrote when I started to learn c++

Mr Sys Admin or Mr Admin Sys

Whenever I feel depressed in life.. I open my GMail inbox...I find:

1) 10 banks are giving me easy loans.

2) I have won GBP 10000000 and USD 500000 for unknown reasons.

3) 10 Job companies have best jobs for me.

4) 5 matrimonial sites have most suited matches for me.

5) Dr. Batra has claimed that he will cure my hair fall.

6) 3 universities are giving me degrees in random subjects.

- "Have you ever used breakpoints?"
- "Umm.."
- "You ever saw a breakpoint?"
- "You mean like... "break;"?"
...

True words by one of the best writers on the planet.

Just started a new project 😂

I really, really don't understand people.

Made a post showing gameplay video from my game "Hang in There" - hundreds of like on it, people commenting how original it is, and that they want to play it "now".

Released the game a couple of days later... less than 15 installs - and the freaking game is FREE :/

Here it is, judge it yourself:
https://play.google.com/store/apps/...

*Wants to learn a programming language*
*visits Udemy*
*It's costly af*
*Visits youtube*
*Plays learn complete java in 30 min*
*Completed*
*Visits hacker earth*
*Started solving a problem*
-- eternity later--
*Still on same problem*
*Cries in corner*

THE END

Doctor : what's your blood group?
Developer : coffee

One time a company I worked for tried to fuck me over and not pay me the referral fee that was promised for referring an employee. They hired the person I referred for a position that was advertised as having a referral fee paid after 6 months.

After the 6 months were up, I went in to HR to ask when I could expect to see the money, and they said “oh, you’re not eligible to receive the referral bonus because we hired so and so as a contractor (full-time) instead of an actual full-time employee.” And I was like... fuck that shit, they never mentioned that to me and I didn’t burn a referral lead so they could hire the person as a contractor and avoid paying me the advertised fee. I was absolutely livid and couldn’t believe it after I had been expecting this money for 6 months.

I felt cheated and none of my colleagues at the company could believe they’d stoop so low to not pay a highly-valued employee an advertised referral bonus. I had lots of battles with management over it, and eventually ended up with a portion of the promised fee, but not the whole thing.

Code runs, time to remove all the System.out.println("AAAAAAAAA"); from it.

Me: You know what my least favorite programming language is?
Friend: HTML?
Me: No that's not a programming language
Friend: ohh haha I forgot its like Pluto

Always

Please kindly fuck off. I don't need your genderbiased bullshit. I couldn't care less about a programmer's gender.
I'm also aware about the margin between the numbers of female and male dev who want to study CS, but if you seriously think that a learning algorithm is biased on gender and ethnic it's creator, I will have to kindly remind you that math doesn't support an output based on your gender.

Now please get the fuck off my sacred newsfeed...