Phoney call from MS:
- We at Microsoft have detected an issue with your PC.
- Oh, I only have a Mac.
- But that is fine, I will transfer you to the Mac department...

Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?

Yes, I'd like to hear a TCP joke.

OK, I'll tell you a TCP joke.

OK, I'll hear a TCP joke.

Are you ready to hear a TCP joke?

Yes, I am ready to hear a TCP joke.

OK, I'm about to send the TCP joke. It will last 10 seconds, it has two characters, it does not have a setting, it ends with a punchline.

OK, I'm ready to hear the TCP joke that will last 10 seconds, has two characters, does not have a setting and will end with a punchline.

I'm sorry, your connection has timed out... ...Hello, would you like to hear a TCP joke?

Worst part of being a "IT guy":

Don't know how to fix my broken car

Nice try

I Just caught my girlfriend Reading my "How to: C++ for Beginners" book.. i am so proud of her right now

Dear diary,

Today I got thrown by an exception.

Most helpful error log ever...

My teacher shouted at me - "Go to hell".
What really hurt me was 'goto'.

I got my reward stress ball about a week ago, but it vanished within minutes of opening the package 😧

Today I found out who had taken it.

Only in computer science you'll find that root is on the top of the tree and that parent may kill it's child after its function is no longer needed.

That this is the only place I can bitch about my job and be understood

Got the job!

"We prefer anonymity so you can't tell the interwebs."

Wut?

This is NSFW.

Credits: http://stackoverflow.com/a/312629

Internship Company employee: Hey, we need 600 images uploaded to a wordpress site, you'll have to do that for me.
Me: Alrightyy, can you give me some FTP or SSH access or something?
Employee: Nope, not allowed to.
Me: Uhm, I could write a shell script and run it?
Employee: The server is windows....
Me: Mother of god, I'll have to do it manually then?
Employee: You could ask John (my technical guider, not his real name) if you can borrow some fellow interns!
Me: *walks to John* Hey man, can I borrow some interns?
John: What for?
Me: Manually uploading 600 images to posts :).
Interns: *looking at me with a deadly view*
John: Sure!
Interns:

That weird moment when you get an error "please contact your administrator" and then you realize that you are the administrator..

Programmers of today are like the monks of the middle ages. We use a language that people don't understand, we spend all our time sitting in a room reading, and people constantly ask us for advice but never really listens to the answer.

"How do you make an app?"
The most difficult answer to explain to someone that knows nothing about code.

So I went through the ardous process of installing devRant, ignored all the onboarding, liked the content and registered an account. This community seems so liberating I wasn't even annoyed enough to immediately mark the "welcome" email as spam.

I am a developer, but I think that it's very difficult to explain to my mother what it is about my job.

Today I was hired to pentest a company's framework. While getting directions on what needs to be tested I counted 4times the sentence:
"We are a multi-awarded company for our security, virtually nothing gets past our firewalls".

Most of the PCs had Win98

Nuget

Old relatives think you fix computers.
Young relatives think you are a hacker 😑

Marry Christmas everyone !

People asking me to make websites...

Every person who knows that you're a dev thinks that they are a part of a secret circle and you WILL develop apps that would generally cost thousands for free

Sometimes devs are missing social skills. I felt that today.
I did not know the social code of conduct when leaving the hospital masurbitary room and meeting a colleage about to use the same room I just used.

The worst part about being a Dev is explaining what exactly that you do to your distant relative who knows nothing about computers 😑

Worst part of being a dev must be working with people who are not willing to change behavior because of arrogance. Oh - and then the constant OS wars talk. It really needs to stop. Like... Now

Worst part about being a visual designer?
Looking at anything that's a pixel too much to left/right/top/bottom and not being able to UN-see it

Worst part of being a dev is living in South Africa