Details
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AboutI hate everyone and everything. But, above all, I hate Laravel.
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SkillsJEE, JavaScript and PHP. Also Appian, and I really wish I didn't.
Joined devRant on 3/12/2019
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WHAT GOES AROUND COMES BACK AROUND
Overflooded with tickets about regressions, management finally gave in and instructed us to use integration tests again.
Who would have seen that one coming.
(at least half of these "regression tickets" were not regressions at all, but I'm not going to be the one spoiling the first time management actually makes the right call)1 -
Currently working on a new feature on some old undocumented part of the code born out of the bastard fork of draw.io -back when it was opensource- and without a doubt the hardest part of it all is using GIMP TO DRAW A FUCKING ICON WHICH IS THE SAME AS AN OLD ICON WITH ONE MORE LETTER ON TOP I WANT TO DISEMBOWEL WHOEVER DESIGNED THIS PIECE OF SOFTWARE12
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You heard it first, if the next project isn't assigned to me I hand my 2 weeks notice and push farts to master.
Enough.
Is.
Enough.2 -
> People: Mister IHateForALiving, the external consultant who took care of the new client is about to leave :) his leader is searching for someone to help him and build the new features :) we think you should be doing it, you're very good with the frontend
I WILL NOT FIX
YOUR FUCKING
TECHNICAL DEBT
You fucking moron of a "tech lead", working like a human was free; you chose to work like a dog and encouraged the external consultant to work like a dog as well. From now until you resign, this mess is yours to clean.3 -
We were delaying a feature from the roadmap because implementing it in the new client was taking it days we didn't have.
One of our devs backported everything in the old client, some undocumented clusterfuck of crusty code from 12 years ago running in AngularJS.
Oh my, if it isn't the same fucking thing I've been calling for THE ENTIRE PAST YEAR -
> CTO: I developed this product, I know it to the core! It's been stable for years, safe and rich in features, how is it even possible that things got so complicated?
The product he developed: -
The worst part is: this commit message would cost me my job, but whoever created this retarded mess of multiple responses is untouchable.4
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Love working alongside Angular devs, I wanted to add a page with a table and a modal, ended up creating something like 15 files and I'm not even halfway through, must be nice living with a brain the size of a pea.2
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Someone at this point MUST have realized this was excessive, and this someone kept going nonetheless9
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Coding lessons 101, it shouldn't be that fucking hard to understand what a pointer is but that's where we currently stand12
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I want to know the name of the evil mastermind who once conceived the "literal" function in Sequelize.
- You design a method to insert pieces of raw SQL exactly the way they are written, no further processing
- You release this method, you call it LITERAL to make sure people know its intended purpose: it is used to insert LITERALLY everything you write, nothing more and nothing less
- Then make sure this "literal" method changes the fucking case of column names. Because that's what "literal" means in the head of this rabid animal: you arbitrarily change the code written by the developer
WHY
WHY ARE ALL AR ORM DESIGNED BY FUCKING ANIMALS
ELOQUENT IS TRASH, SEQUELIZE IS TRASH, TENS OF DEVELOPERS AT WORK TO ALCHEMICALLY CREATE THE MOST ROTTEN CODE THEY POSSIBLY CAN, BECAUSE YOU MUST NOT BE ALLOWED TO WRITE ANY QUERY MORE ADVANCED THAN "SELECT * FROM users WHERE id =1", NOT A FUCKING SHRED OF DOCUMENTATION AND 16 MILLION LAYERS OF ABSTRACTION TO MAKE SURE EVERY BUG FUCKING STAYS THERE, DON'T YOU DARE TO USE A JOIN, DON'T YOU DARE TO TREAT A DMBS LIKE AN ACTUAL FUCKING DBMS INSTEAD OF A HOT STEAMING PILE OF METHODS IMPLEMENTED BY MONKEYS.6 -
+++ THEY ARE WRITING TYPE DEFINITIONS +++
THEY ARE UNDOGGING THEMSELVES. THIS IS NOT A DRILL: THEY ARE LEARNING SOME GOOD FUCKING PRACTICES15 -
Voice call with the whole dev team
Former team leader: Yeah, basically we stopped using RxJS because it ended up being too complicated, every minor problem required so much code to solve :(
IHateForALiving, extremely loudly: WELL WELL WELL, GOOD FUCKING MORNING, SUNSHINE3 -
MICROSERVICES ARE NOT A SUBSTITUTION FOR GOOD DEV PRACTICES, IF YOU WERE A WERECODER BEFORE MICROSERVICES, A MIGRATION WILL NOT TEACH YOU/YOUR TEAM HOW TO CODE.4
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> barges in
> slams massive unintelligible PR on the table
> fixes a bunch of tickets all at once
> won't explain how tf it works, it just does
> refuses to elaborate further
> leaves9 -
- TeamLeader1: Noooo, classes in JS are fake because here and there, in NodeJS they work differently from the browser because here and there, I know it
- IHateForALiving: I'm betting 50 cents against 50 bucks that you're wrong. You in?
- TeamLeader1: Uhm... no, I don't feel like betting against you about technical issues :(
It's been a months long journey, but it finally looks like we're getting somewhere.2 -
THE TALE OF THE CRAZED VISIONNAIRE
Once upon a time some masochist woke up and snorted a gallon of glue. "I NEED PAIN", he shouted, and then proceeded to hammer down his own cock over an iron anvil, in an effort to uncover the most intense pain a human could experience. And yet even such a punishment was not enough, for our pain-starved hero thirsted for even higher heights. "This hammering can't satisfy my spirit", he proclaimed; "I shall find ever greater pain than what little solace these tools can provide, but it's much too hard a task for a single mortal to complete in one lifetime. And lo, I will gather around me the bravest and uncover the intense sorrow no human has ever experienced before!". And for his journey he found himself a loyal fellowship, all striving to find the ultimate pain a mortal can experience.
"But who could be crazy enough to follow a glue-fueled schizo who hammers their own genitals?", you might stupidly ask. But why, the JS community of course.7 -
> TeamLeader1: I just discovered SQL is actually super fast! The low responsiveness I've experienced comes from our ORM!
> IHateForALiving: well of course SQL is blazingly fast. SQL has been refined by the best engineers in the world for the past 50 years, its performances are unparalleled for everything you could possibly need, unless you want to scale REALLY big. Sequelize, instead, is an Active Record ORM, so it's bound to struggle with huge amount of data, because every single row will get attached a significant amount of black magic to make sure everything syncs correctly. Why is that?
> TeamLeader1: I have a problem with this frontend component, it doesn't allow pagination. I tried downloading the whole DB to bypass that, but the ORM is slow... so I will bypass the ORM and download the whole table with a raw query. Look at that! It works like a charm, it's super duper fast!'
This mf is downloading some 35 thousand rows every time some user loads a page because he doesn't know how to paginate the fucking table with Angular, there's no way these people are real.12 -
BACKLOG REFINEMENT
TeamLeader2: why did you rate this task so high? It should be easy enough
TeamLeader1: you guys have never worked with Angular. We have just started using it seriously and it's really complicated, I know it looks easy from the outside but trust me this whole framework requires a lot of work even for trivial tasks
What's that I hear in the distance? A phone ringing? Someone better pick that up, because I FUCKING CALLED IT
https://devrant.com/rants/9108342/...3 -
I hate so very much about so very many things, I forget some of the things I love.
And what I love is small lines of code that reveal something about their developer. This? This I love to see.
Some guy here studied C at university, decided he liked it so much he would port it over to JS. Absolutely pointless effort, but he decided he would do it nonetheless. The code is clean, documented, just with this little quirk and I'm honestly smiling. You rock, buddy, whoever you are.2 -
The fog of war over all that happened with my change of team is starting to dissipate.
3 people were involved and there were 4 different versions of the whole situtations, but from what I've been able to collect it looks like the company is expanding and one of the mail KPI for the current team leaders is how good they are at creating a NEW generation of team leaders, to take care of the new entries.
My previous team leader told me about all these new growth perspectives and the junior entries I could manage, knowing very well of the desire I have previously expressed of being a senior dev with my small group of juniors to teach.
I declined the offer, stating that this whole year has been exhausting. Every single time I've tried anything (using modules for new components on our old web client, tsdoc to document our types, suggesting technologies like ANYTHING BUT ANGULAR AND MONGO, telling how removing down migrations was a retarded move) my suggestions were either shrugged off or flat out refused. Let alone how every time I was proven right, except for angular but give it time and that will bite their tail as well.
Don't get me wrong: they are well withing their right when they take all those decisions, and more. But I DO NOT PLAN on selling a plethora of bad decisions to a new stack of devs as if they were the gold standard.
"I understand your reasons; you, as a company, need a well coordinated team all running towards a goal; loose cannons are harmful.
But now I need you to understand me: I do not agree with your technical direction. I never lied before and I will not start now. Promotions don't matter nearly as much as my integrity, and integrity in my world means speaking up about problems. Your position is perfectly valid, but mine is as well and they can't be reconciled. If I were you I'd make myself a favor and make sure IHateForALiving doesn't become a team leader; given your direction, I'm not the man you want right now".
As mentioned, one of the KPI for team leaders is how succesfull they are in finding new team leaders, and trying to turn me into one didn't end well; I love sharing knowledge, but being honest to myself is far more important to me. So this meant my previous team leader failed in a very big task, and thus was demoted? At the same time, I've been there for 2 years now so they're not really eager to replace me, but I'm under strict examination too as of now.5 -
Just been moved to a different team.
I talked to the old team leader, the new team leader and the CTO. Those are 3 people and I got 4 conflicting explanations. -
I love angular, a fucking hello world with a config file and some auth headers takes 2 fucking days to get done.6