"Hey before we launch, can you reintroduce that bug you fixed on Friday? The other team needs it for debugging."

Why the fuck would you need debugging code in production and why the fuck do we want to readd something that was causing problems? Shaping up to be a great week already.

Literally any of my many creative coding projects that are just lazy prototypes right now.

Learning to juggle my depression/anxiety/urge to punch stupid people. Currently still a work in progress.

Now I only get the urge to punch non technical people in the face sometimes instead of any time they open their mouths. So that's cool I guess.

Remember when I said don't launch on a Friday?

Coming into work on Monday with a broken site is exactly why we don't do that...

Now I get to deal with fixing this issue while also dealing with complaints from managers who act like I didn't warn them.

Inspiration for alcoholism.

Never believe management when they say something is broken/easy.

I'd love to focus on music/performing and try my best to make money like that.

But if that fails, I'll just take all my savings at the time and become a vagabond.

When I got to high school, I started learning Java from friends who were in programming class. Started out as a comp sci major in college and got sick of it, so I switched to a digital art degree. Got interested in Java again for the creation of art and music using generative processes. Then I got into web dev and JavaScript. Years later, still learning new programming concepts and making digital art on the side.

Dear designers/project managers,

I am a developer. That means you don't have to explain simple programming concepts to me that you half know and think you fully understand as if I have never seen code before.

Save your breath and stop being so condescending. You don't know half as much as you think.

Thanks, from one annoyed dev.

Worst interview question: "How fast can you do x?"

That's depends on the project scope, but I'll just throw a number out there that I think will make you happy.

Co-worker: I need a proxy to do this task.

Me: Why do you need a proxy?

Co-worker: So all these reviews for the company I'm posting don't look sketchy.

Me: Download the TOR browser.

Co-worker: That's kinda sketchy I don't wanna do that.

So falsifying information about the company is okay, but using a browser to do it anonymously is right out.

"Why do you think we should delay launching the new site?"

Because it's late afternoon on a Friday.

"So? What does it matter?"

Here's a bunch of good reasons.

"Nah let's do it today anyways."

"Hey can you make these changes?"

*does absolutely nothing*

"That's way better!"

Mhmm sure. Totally changed stuff. Yup.

I think the first time I ever felt like a wizard because of dev work was when I discovered creative coding and all the fun you can have with it.

"Let's launch on Friday."

"Hey what's your opinion on this idea?"

I think it's a huge waste of time and effort. Why not use this simpler solution?

"Nah let's do this."

Then why the fuck did you even ask?

Coworker: hey can you do this?

Me: sure *couple hours later* it's done.

Coworker several hours later: that thing you did completely changed. Can you update it?

*checks the platform we use so non devs can create web pages* All of my code was erased and I have to restart and add even more functionality. Why the actual fuck would you hire web developers if you're just going to have other employees use a poorly built tool to build pages. Every fucking time something breaks in the shitty fucking app, I have to fix it. Or if it doesn't do some crazy functionality, I have to hack code in there to do it in the ugliest way. Fuck tools like this. Fuck companies who make money off of these tools/use these tools. And fuck the developers who make these shitty tools that give real web developers so much frustration.

What the PMs always say: Always be thinking of ways to improve our system.

Me: Hey this is really poorly built. We should rebuild it before moving forward.

PMs: No just use the same code we used before. It was working so we don't need to rebuild it.

Love JavaScript and have been writing it for years. Some days, how this and scope work are somewhat of a mystery in a few of my projects.

At home: Man I really love code and everything I can do with it. I'm a fucking wizard.

At work: You want me to copy and paste some text into the view for you? Okay... *cries into keyboard*