Improvise. Adapt. Overcome.

😂😂😂
Credit: zykry_akgul

int getRandomNumber() {

return 6;

// Guaranteed to be random. I used a dice.
}

Windows Phone

How almost every S/O question looks

Just looking at code, my colleague ("Senior Java Developer"), wrote...

if (process == "null") {...}

As you can guess, process is a String.

I just don't know what I can tell him. It's just so wrong, in every possible way...

To the guy that invented NULL...
Thanks for nothing.

*This is a corrected version of the dad joke originally containing zero.

More proof of computer scientists not wanting to bother with CSS. Guys this is might be the secret to becoming pro. Keep it Simple Stupid (KISS). That's the creator of C++ website btw.

Well, I don't have much to say.... Just FUCK U Stack Overflow...

My friend is a css guy and he told me this

.illuminati {
position: absolute;
visibility: hidden;
}

This is how I feel after working, almost exclusively, with PHP over the last 4 years.

My dumb CEO just hired an even dumber CTO. The new CTO asked me the following questions...

1. What is GitHub?

2. What is JSON?

3. What’s an array?

4. What is Get and what is Post?

5. When an iPhone is offline, can it call an API on our server to tell us it’s offline?

6. I know you’ve spent 11 month the writing this backend in PHP but can you change it to Java now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because it’s better.
Me: How?
Dumb CTO: because it is.

7. I know you’ve started to rewrite this codebase I Java but can you convert it to Node.JS now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because Facebook uses it.

8. What is MySQL? Why aren’t you using a database instead?

9. What does NULL mean?

Somehow, I doubt that asshole is remotely qualified for the job.

Fakin shyt for brains.

So my office is located in the oldest part of the hospital I work at. Weird shit happens here, especially at night. Currently working on configuring our security cameras, stand by for triply shit.

Ten years ago friends called me because they installed Linux and grub messed everything up

Ten years later nothing changed

yesterday morning, released the first wave build of a website to a client, still loads to do but it shows progress. working from my own approved design flats so building it is speedier. no response all day, fearing the worst, finally at 11:10 pm she texts my “love it!”. fucking relieved! waiting for the email today “but... can you just...”, there always is one!

I told my friends how i liked the IT movie and pronounced it as I.T. and they laugh at me because it is an "it". So why why why it was both capitalized then. Grrrrr

A rant on my feed reminded me of this
I once saw someone prefix his variables with the initials of his name. I was speechless.
Every goddamn variable in the entire project was named like that.

What a great comedian I am /s

'Incorrect password.'

"I must've forgotten the password. Let me change it".

'Old and new passwords cannot be same'

o_O

How not to code on a coding interview.

me: yo, im kinda low on cash right now, i should save some money and not do any iot projects this month

also me: yo, look at those nfc chips, i got an idea

Just happened today!

So since this morning we've been trying to get our website ready for UAT deployment Monday next week, even though we only were told of it yesterday. Since we had some critical merge conflicts to unscrew on our dev branch for promoting to UAT, we sent a warning to everyone on our hipchat group

Dev team: @all please don't commit anything to the repo for an hour or so while we get the branch good for dev and uat build

Tech lead: ok

That should be enough warning, right? Surely our tech lead, who has been piling up our scope creep trying to please our stakeholders, understands well enough not to do a single goddamn thing on our repo until we sort it out, right?

Nope.

10 minutes later our tech lead pushes several changes that not only break our builds but also remove all our configuration transformations. I just stormed out of the office to avoid sending her on a one-way ticket to slapsville and fuckyoutown. Geez goddamn louise.

Inner Me: Where the fuck is this bug coming from
> Set a breakpoint in every single place where the method I'm using is being called.
> Try calling the method before every function call
Inner Me: FUCKING DAMNIT! It's been hours now
Inner Me: No way it's the library I'm using.
Inner Me: That couldn't possibly be the problem
> Try running it again and delete some more shit
Inner Me: FUCK MEEEEEEEE
> Getting delirious
> Begin to look at some stupid memes.
> Come back to it.
> Have an Ah-ha moment
> Try running it again but rearrange the order of the method calls
> Still no luck
> try git stashing a bunch of my changes
> git stash apply them back
> erase the method call entirely
Inner Me: well that sort of worked, but now all my numbers are incomplete
Inner Me: FUCKING FINE!!! I'LL LOOK IN THE GODDAMN LIBRARY
Inner Me: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK a stupid integer casting was occuring to my floats!!!

Now Talking to my girlfriend.

Me: The problem was in the library I was using
Girlfriend: How are you going to fix it if it's in the library?
Me: ... I can, because I wrote the library...
Me: FUCK ME RIGHT?
Me: I guess moral of the story; sometimes the problems starts with ourselves
GF: Hahaha. Thats Deeep

True words by one of the best writers on the planet.

Google being Google