You know you are in silicon valley when you see an ad for redis

I forget things really easily. Don't believe me?

I started reading a rant and thought
"wow, so interesting, and this is what is happening to me!"

Then realised it was my rant I had just posted.

Big event. Massive traffic in production, so we were monitoring all night.

I was in a room with 2 devs of my team, a marketting girl, my boss and a designer... chilling.

Suddenly the production is down.

Boss: production is down, anyone can check?
Me: already on it
Dev1: it looks ok for me
Dev2: me too
Me: wait what? Impossible everything is down
Dev1: oh I refreshed the page it's not working
Me: don't stay on the page refreshing it like you are fucking monkeys. Give me useful intel or be quiet.
Market girl: is it working?
...
Guys is it working?
...
Hello?
Me: Not yet we are looking. Don't distract me.
Boss: client called us. They want it online now.
Dev1&2: he's looking
... 1 min later...
Boss: is it working?
Boss: is it working?
Boss: is it working?
Me: SHUT THE FUCK FOR FUCKING ONE SECOND. ALL OF YOU, OUT NOW. YOU ARE FUCKING MONKEYS WHO CAN'T DO SHIT. IF YOU CAN'T HELP JUST SHUT YOUR DAMN SHITHOLE. DEVS, LOOK WITH ME. MARKET GIRL PREPARE A FUCKING POST-MORTEM MAIL. BOSS GET THE CLIENT ON THE PHONE AND STALE. DO. YOUR. FUCKING. JOBS.

That's how I ended up screaming at everyone... the rest of the night went in complete silence and I fixed the issue 2min after the got quiet or busy.

This code isn't working right, better check the log...

ERROR: There was an error.

Alright, cool, chill. Thanks for the top notch error handling. 👌

"could you put me through to a colleague who has the ability to have an actual intellectual conversation?"

-

Somehow I finished the call but God damn it took some energy and self control not to completely lose my shit. His tone was also very denigrating (he just didn't agree on something which was his fucking problem)

Fuck him.

Imagine updating a legacy web app and the code is so bad it physically makes you sick every time you look at it. Tables with over 400 columns, . And don't even get me started on the security issues. Apparently writing "Confidential" on the top of the page is enough security. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. People should get licenced before being allowed to code.

Probably the best description ever

Sorry fellow dev from another company, we really appreciated your help even though it was your free day. There is little chance you are also on devRant, but if you are we cant thank you enough debugging the dll provided by you and even supplying us with a dev version in which you made some changes for us to perform some extra tests. The changes looks promising as far as we have seen for now.
This might save our asses.

When I worked for an online dating app, at one point we had the ridiculous idea to try to take a popular LinkedIn feature and convert it to a dating app feature in order to capitalize off of the success LinkedIn had with it.

The feature was LinkedIn endorsements. The idea was to allow the dating app users to get endorsements from people in their contacts lists on certain traits/features from a defined list (ex. Funny, smart, etc.). It wasn’t a terrible idea on the surface, but the way we planned to execute on it was insane and everyone knew it was going to fail. To avoid any controversy all of the endorsable terms were watered down to the point where no one would ever find using them/asking their friends for endorsements to be any fun. And the worst part was how we planned to get people to ask their friends for endorsements - management wanted us to build a contact list importer and just spam email contacts with “please endorse me” emails. The whole thing was ridiculous.

No one, including myself, wanted to build the feature/spam tool but management really wanted it so we had to build it. Like expected, it failed very quickly when it was clear no one cared about getting their real life friends to endorse them on some dating app, and the spam contacts took was ineffective and... spammy.

Unbelievable...

My company bought me a new laptop. It has 2 512 GB SSDs.

Our IT set it up with windows 10.
ON BOTH SSD.

OM fucking G. How dump you have to be to install windows 10 two times in the same machine? What kind of mental illness is this?

This is the real deadlock

Music had to be played while a calculation was running...

I had to add a "I'm not a robot" checkbox to protect an email address written in a page reachable only from our intranet. Boss asked, I executed.

Early in my career I was assigned the task of implementing a 3D pie chart into our application that you could spin and rotate with your mouse. You know, because sometimes you want to see the sides and the back of a pie chart.

In our self-developed intranet, i added a hidden script that fires an 'event' when you enter the konami code.

Said event it's simply turning thw screen contrast to 200% and play the audio of 'omae wa mou shindeiru'.

I was planning to make some more of those, but i don't have the time to do them ;_;

Under settings, we made a checkbox labeled “Run Program Faster”. The state was saved but it didn’t do anything.

We turned it “on” when people said things were slow. Usually they were happy and no one complained the “run faster” option wasn’t working.

Based on @oudalally 's rant I've let that sink in and I think I've come up with a solution to better the current condition of the meme section.

If you're only half decent with photoshop or fucking ms paint even, and you thought of something funny do me a favor and bring that to pixels, drop it in the meme section and make sure to tag it with "oc".

It's good that you're ranting, but it's also good to sometimes laugh it off with a genuinely quality, funny meme to lighten the mood again.

Over the year I've been here I've seen the majority here taking things too serious and not as lighthearted when it all started out.

AND IF ONE MOTHERFUCKING DOUCHY DICK NUGGET EVEN DARES TO TAG THEIR SHIT SMEARED REPOST FROM 2004 I WILL REPORT HIS OR HER ASS SO FUCKING QUICK TO DEVRANT THAT I AM GONNA GET ASKED BY RETARDAPTCHA IF I AM EVEN HUMAN ANYMORE. FUCK YOU AND YOUR GREED FOR EASY ++, YOU WILL NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES HAVE THE CHANCE TO LATCH ONTO A REFORMATION WITH YOUR CUM DRENCHED 9GAG & /R/PROGRAMMERHUMOR DICK SUCKING LIPS

THAT THAT IS FUCKING CLEAR.

Yes I can be like this as well.

So, eventually they understood a lot of SO users are assholes. 😁

At least I got free coffee at work.

So out shopping on a Saturday with the other half and 12yo son.... He clearly is wise before his years when he asks

"why do we always get dragged around all of the shops mum wants too go and we have to sit there waiting while if we want to go anywhere she complains and we can't?"

Hate to generalise but he's already figured out what most shopping trips in married life are!

Since this category is called rant/story, let me tell you a story today.

I went paragliding above the turqoise colored "dead beach" of Fethiye.
And boy was that awesome.
I was very insecure about flying first. I have such an anxiety. While moving up towards the "Babadağ" Mountain which is 2000 meters above the sea level, my hands began to Shake. We reached the Clouds. The pilot told me everything will be fine. He is doing that since 2006 and has 4 medals for Turkey's best long distance flyer and he also was a stunt man.
We ran down the Cliff. And as my butt was pushed against the seat, my anxiety began to lower itself.
We even did some stunts, but I do not have them on tape.

Those having such anxiety problems should definitely try this out! Really! :)

I thought it would be pretty cool to start a pet-sharing post!
(My apologies if this has been done before, I just thought it would be cool to see the pets of the devRant community!)

Here are my two:

Got this email from my manager today... a bit of a downer to my three day weekend!

I actually don't talk about work (in an indentifiable way), and I think most of the other points in their guide are utter BS (and unenforceable).

I am pretty open (about myself) on social media though, so feel sorry for HR if they've been combing through it! 🤣

In our office, everyone is placed so that we have a wall behind us. Initially, there was enough room behind us so that we can walk just fine.

Everything was fine till our manager didn't start making us some random visits and standing behind us just looking at our screens and making us feel unpleasant.

So one day we moved the tables so there is almost no room behind us. And we are aligned in a row with no space between the tables. Now if the manager decided to do it again he would have to struggle his way behind us.

Few days passed by and our manager finally showed he saw what we did, didn't say anything. It was clear that he wasn't happy about it. He tried to lean himself over the monitors to take a look but that was just not so as "good" as standing behind us...

A time passed and one day when we came to work we saw the tables moved forward some 15-20cm just enough to be able to move behind. Almost immediately we pulled them back as they were before.

We moved back and forward already few times and are currently playing cat and mouse with our manager.

Noone is saying anything just the tables are moving every 2-3 days or so. Let's see who is going to give up first hahaha

so I'm learning C# delegates and I saw this

It's my first day on devRant. It's been hilarious so far. Everyone seems really cool and interesting.

I'd post a rant but I'm more tired than annoyed by anything right now.

Cheers from Argentina!

Best 404 page I have ever seen 😊

https://acm.illinois.edu/404

So Last year December my cousin see's me making a basic 3D game in Unity and says he wants to do programming.

Me: No, you don't want that. Become a doctor like your parents want you two.
Him: I'll do it.
Me: Ok. If you want to suffer, i'll teach you some basic C#

Me: *Shows him basic C# code in visual studio*
Him: *Not paying attention* Cool. When can i make games?
Me: That's not how this works. Where do you intend to study?
Him: M.I.T!
Me: You better get your ass infront of that fucken computer, google and youtube the shit out of you, matter of fact i'll get you a shit bucket so you don't have to get up.
Him: I don't have to go so hard now, i'm only 16.
Me: *Facepalm* That's why you have to do this now.

...7 months later...
(Yesterday)
Me: Show me how you make a basic calculator application.
Him: I don't know how to do that, you didn't show me.
Me: *laughing*
Him: Whats so funny?
Me: You're screwed *still laughing*

Don't get me wrong. He's a smart kid. Just needs to fucken do something if he wants his goal.

don't remember the password, but give me the keyboard and I will login

Building a server :)